Cubbies' New Years Resolutions
I have personally contacted all of our favorite people to see what they'll be working on in 2007, so here it is:
A. Ramirez: I will always hustle out of the box, even if I know I just cracked one onto Waveland. My bat will be there, so I'll continue to improve playing the hot corner.
M. Barrett: If I get another chance, I'll sock Pierzynski and make it count this time. I'll never wear one of those goofy hockey helmets behind the plate.
A. Soriano: I won't be content with swimming in my pool of gold coins (Ducktale's style), I'll actually care about winning.
D. Lee: I'll continue to bail out bad throws from my teammates. My wrist will never get in the way of someone running down the first-base line. More thoughts of a triple crown?
J. Jones: I'll continue to use the best looking bat in the bigs.
M. Murton: I won't care what other people think about me, cause I know I'm good.
C. Izturis: I'll find ways to stay off the DL and play like the gold-glover that I am. I'll fulfill much needed productivity from the bottom of the order.
M. Prior: I will pitch in full body pads so I can live up to my potential and show all the nay-sayers that I am potentially the best pitcher in the league. I will name my calves.
L. Piniella: I promise to bring this team to the promised land, becoming the most loved person in all of Chicago. I also promise at least one (very entertaining) encounter with an umpire per month. All three infield bases will--at some point--end up in the outfield.
C. Zambrano: Edmonds will taste my fury, 105 mph style. Cy Young. I will stay with the Cubbies until my arm falls off (in 2020).
K. Wood: My loyalty will pay off, big time.
Bullpen: My ERA will collectively be under 4.0, so will our collective college GPA.
And for us, we will continue to be the best fans in the world. There is something to say about a group of people who devote a big (or small) part of their lives to a team many know as the 'loveable losers'. Even my own family makes fun of me for having to see every pitch of every possible game--for filling out a scorecard at the Friendly Confines when being down by 6 runs in the 8th inning--for bleeding cubbie blue. This is the year, I know it, the world is going to change. Happy New Year everyone.
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or Al Yellon, managing editor (unless it's a FanPost posted by Al). FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable baseball fans.
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Cool diary
I really like
I will name my calves
Tee hee... That's the best part of it!
by secdelahc on Jan 1, 2007 1:00 AM CST reply actions
good diary
Just Got A Hold Of Dempster...
J. Hendry: I'll continue spending money like it's growing off of the ivy.
like the diary
by Faith plus 1 on Jan 1, 2007 12:12 PM CST reply actions
I'm always in his corner
for the record
by Faith plus 1 on Jan 1, 2007 12:32 PM CST up reply actions
addendum
There it is!!!!
by Faith plus 1 on Jan 1, 2007 12:14 PM CST reply actions
Love it
lol her
Thank you for your kind words too, and If I do run into one of her friends that are halfway normal/good looking, i'll let you know :)
by Faith plus 1 on Jan 1, 2007 11:23 PM CST up reply actions
We should write
ooh! ooh! I wanna turn! Do mine Cubbiejulie!
by theprognosticator on Jan 1, 2007 3:21 PM CST up reply actions
Okay
- Be nicer to cubbiejulie;
- Come up with a Marquis/Lilly chant:
- Establish college/food bank for Matsuzakians (you can't really visit their island, steal their chant, and then just LEAVE them, can you?)
- More pirate talk;
- Be a better friend to Dempster (should include gently bringing up the fact that blown saves are to be AVOIDED, not collected like trophys);
- Determine answer to Hawking's Paradox as it relates to the superstring theory and the 11th dimension.
grrrr....
- I'm plenty nice to you. Can't recall the last time I was mean. You on the other hand, trashed the Mystery Mini-Van, didn't flush the toilet after wee-wee, and left a bunch of crank calls saying you were ME, to Mr. Bevillaqua, and how he was a stupidhead.
- a Marquis Lilly chant...that's a tough one. Right now I can only think of a place-holder and I'm dubious as to its merits:
MarquisLilly MarquisLilly hoo-hoo-hoo
(the Matsuzakians are, as I write this, accusing me of sacrilege and are on their slow boats to run me through, THANKS A LOT JULIE!)
I'll keep working on it. Another option might be the song the angry German Cubs fan sings to his computer.
- Ha, I scoff at indigenous tribes and chortle at them in my best Christopher Columbus chortle. They will forage for gold for my Queen, and then I will wipe them off the face of the Earth in the classic White European manner.
- Consider it done. Just not today.
- In the spirit of the gentle film, Full Metal Jacket, and the scene where the kindly Drill Sargeant says to the upstart young private (and I am paraphrasing), "I bet if there was some pussy at the top of that rope you'd be able to climb it" it has been decided that at the completion of each and every save by one Ryan Dempster, there will be some pussy as his reward. The 9% that post here who are of the female persuasuion are heartily invited to volunteer, though there are no shortage of Cub-loving hookers in the world should the fine gals that post here opt to keep their virtue and not "get their whore on" in order for Dempster to not shit the bed in a save-related manner. However, it would be a nice gesture and probably good karma and I'm sure Dempster would agree. So, operators are standing by ladies. The Cub season hangs in the balance. Slut it up!
- The answer is 4.
by theprognosticator on Jan 1, 2007 11:42 PM CST up reply actions
I've got some to add
B. Howry - I will continue to be rock-solid, no matter the situation. Need me to bail Dempster out again? Done.
R. Theriot - I'll bide my time, and do well off the bench/every fourth day when I can start. Sooner or later, people will realize I'm not a fluke
T. Lilly - I pledge to be a surprise this season, and show I'm worth the money. Like Bronson Arroyo showed in 2006, things are much easier switching from the AL to NL
J. Marquis - I'll give it my best, but don't expect more than a .500 record and 4+ ERA. Sorry.
And, outside...
TribCo: We'll keep putting the team up for sale and listen to all bidders. Seriously, it's for sale. We're losing money here and need the tax writeoff.
C. Muskat: I'll keep posting feel-good stories on the company line, because, well, that's why I cash in the big bucks. It's my job, people. And as for those mailbags, will I continue them? Yes. Will people continue to make fun of my writing style? Absolutely.
by nextyearcub on Jan 1, 2007 9:28 PM CST reply actions
Very Nice
Wrigley Field: I will stay standing. I will never stop serving Old-Style (as over-priced as it may be). I will hang much more 'W' flags then last year (which shouldn't be that difficult).

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