This is going to be short and sweet today, since a) I don't really believe any of you read the stuff I put up here anyway, and b) I have work to do, and I don't have all day to putz around with you people.
Unfortunately for girls like me, who harbor a big- sisterly love for Lindsay Lohan following her spectacular performance in Mean Girls, La Lohan isn't quite as smart, or literate, for that matter, as we would like to believe. Check out the rambling, semi-coherent email she sent to her friends, in which she threatens to use Hilary Clinton and Al Gore in her war against the tabloids, among other things.
Please quit being so weird and plastic and get in rehab already so you can make Mean Girls 2. Also, if you insist on changing your hair color every day of the week, you can't sit with us.
The funniest thing I could find on The Heckler today:Flex scheduling change: Bears to face Cowboys instead of Rams
NFL gives viewers more enticing Monday night match up
The NFL's new flex scheduling is working even better than the league hoped. However, it did not address Monday nights. This Monday, the Bears were scheduled to play the 5-7 St. Louis Rams, at least until NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell made a major change.
"The Sunday night thing was a good idea but I'll be the first to admit that we dropped the ball on Mondays," Goodell said. "Nobody wants to see the Rams in prime time."
While the Bears 10-2 record is worthy of prime-time status, Goodell and his associates knew the below .500 Rams would not draw the ratings. To fix the problem, the first-year commish has instituted a flex scheduling flip-flop, pulling the red-hot Dallas Cowboys from their game against the Saints and pitting them against the Bears in a potential NFC Championship preview.
All four teams have filed complaints to the league, but Goodell doesn't seem concerned.
"I'm commissioner," said Goodell, drunk with power. "What I say goes."
Come on, Heckler staff. Give me something to work with. You guys have really been phoning it in lately. With all the flex scheduling changes, I wondered for a minute if this was actually true.
5 songs on my iPod: 4 Alt Country and 1 Brit Rock Song Edition
Cry on Demand: Ryan Adams
Screw You: Pat McCurdy (come on all you Wisconsinites, I know you know Pat)
Windfall: Jat Farrar
Jesus, Etc: Wilco
Question of the Day: What's the last movie you saw at the theater, on cable, or on DVD? (Not the last movie you will ADMIT to seeing, the last movie you actually SAW).