I Stole This Idea

by Al Yellon on Feb 22, 2006 9:40 AM CST in Chicago Cubs News

Hey, intrepid bloggers can't come up with totally original stuff every day, right?

The guy calling himself "Score Bard" over at Baseball Toaster has begun doing roster anagrams, along with little poetry for each team.

I stumbled on this yesterday, when he did the Rangers -- today it's the Mariners (I particularly like "A Zen Elf Hendrix"- Felix Hernandez), and figured I'd beat him to the punch with my take on the Cubs.

These are courtesy of the wonderful Internet Anagram Server.

Note that the server could not come up with a single anagram for "Rich Hill" other than "Rich Hill". I did do all this anagram work myself.

Cubs' 40-man roster:

Pitchers		B/T	Ht	Wt	DOB
54	Arm As Avid Dad	R/R	6-5	200	12/27/81
46	Pastry Mender	R/R	6-2	215	05/03/77
47	Erect Toys	L/L	6-1	215	05/30/72
67	Glaze Gunman	R/R	6-3	190	12/14/81
53	Rich Hill	L/L	6-4	205	03/11/80
62	Hobby Row	L/R	6-5	220	08/04/73
49	Ran John Kook	L/L	6-1	180	07/03/80
31	Max Drugged	R/R	6-0	180	04/14/66
61	Small Armor Co.	R/R	6-2	180	09/14/82
52	Lash Lars, Amen	L/L	6-6	195	08/30/82
44	Boo Oven Or Tar	R/R	6-5	200	08/15/79
45	Hamlin Owl	L/L	6-2	195	08/13/77
22	Rim Or Park	R/R	6-5	230	09/07/80
33	Chord Leg Nuns	L/L	6-1	225	11/07/74
70	Ray Juke, UK	R/R	6-3	220	05/30/83
40	Molly Tweed Deer	R/R	6-3	205	08/30/78
32	Ow, A Smellier Jim	R/R	6-3	245	12/04/81
48	Coolant Swim List	R/R	6-04	185	02/17/76
34	Dr. Yore Wok	R/R	6-5	225	06/16/77
43	Zilch Water Emu	R/R	6-3	205	12/15/78
38	So Can Razor Balm	R/R	6-5	255	06/01/81
Catchers		B/T	Ht	Wt	DOB
8	I Let Her Brat Cam	R/R	6-3	210	10/22/76
24	Breach Nylon	R/R	5-11	220	08/29/71
51	Yes, So Jeer	S/R	5-11	180	02/26/84
58	Onto Voyages	R/R	6-1	230	01/20/83
Infielders		B/T	Ht	Wt	DOB
5	Yen Condoner	R/R	6-0	180	02/02/83
56	A Kid Pro Brain	R/R	6-4	235	12/20/83
25	Reeder Elk	R/R	6-5	245	09/06/75
57	Comets Root	L/R	6-2	180	11/17/83
13	Pie Zen Fire	S/R	6-0	195	06/02/73
16	Arm Size Ram Air	R/R	6-1	215	06/25/78
55	Hi, Ornery Tat	R/R	5-11	175	12/07/79
7	OK, Twaddler	L/R	6-0	185	05/25/73
Outfielders		B/T	Ht	Wt	DOB
15	Join Sherry Rat	R/R	5-10	185	05/29/76
11	Joe Cajun, Esq.	L/L	5-10	205	04/25/75
17	Jam By Horn	L/R	6-4	210	10/17/70
19	Mutant Mort	R/R	6-1	215	10/03/81
--	Anal Pan Egg	S/R	6-1	180	07/02/81
68	Elf Pixie	L/L	6-2	175	02/08/85
9	Juniper Era	L/L	6-0	180	08/14/77

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Comments

Juniper Era?

Now that's funny stuff. I find it quite ironic that Juan Pierre's anagram is Juniper Era. Are there still going to be a few rows of Junpier in Centerfield, or did they take it all out to put in the restaurant?

Also, you forgot to put in an anagram for "Al Yellon". I like "Lonely Al".

One day, the dream will come true.

by brianp88 on Feb 22, 2006 9:55 AM CST reply actions

Hmmm....

... not so sure I like that anagram! ;)

The plan that I have heard is that they are going to have four rows of juniper bushes in CF, then the restaurant/skybox/whatever above it.

I think either "Max Drugged" or "Mutant Mort" is my favorite.

by Al Yellon on Feb 22, 2006 10:01 AM CST up reply actions

well...

if we use the name Albert Yellon, you could make "Nelly Bloater." Now that name would sound good over Wrigley's p.a. system. "Now pinch-hitting for Angel Pagan, number 18, Nelly Bloater." I like the way that rolls off the toungue. Amusing stuff.

One day, the dream will come true.

by brianp88 on Feb 22, 2006 10:09 AM CST up reply actions

Of course, that'd have to be...

batting for Anal Pan Egg.

by Al Yellon on Feb 22, 2006 10:11 AM CST up reply actions

Thank you, Al

Right when I was feeling bad about the amount of time I waste each day you post this. Good to know there's at least one person out there making me look good.

by TR on Feb 22, 2006 10:00 AM CST reply actions

If you enjoyed it...

... then it wasn't wasted time!

by Al Yellon on Feb 22, 2006 10:02 AM CST up reply actions

Anal Pan Egg

That's just funny.

I had to give up my moniker so that Chuck could have it back.

by Scott @ Bleed Cubbie Blue on Feb 22, 2006 10:02 AM CST reply actions

Manager=

Bad Turkeys
Bad Key Rust
Absurd Tyke
Dark But Yes
Rat Be Dusk

by SonnyJ9 on Feb 22, 2006 10:14 AM CST reply actions

The server gives....

... exactly one anagram for "Jim Hendry":

Dry Hen Jim

by Al Yellon on Feb 22, 2006 10:24 AM CST up reply actions

I thought

Rich Hill was pretty creative!

Hey Norm...if you were a hot dog...would ya eat yourself? -Will Farrell as Harry Caray

by EbbyCalvinNukeLaLoosh on Feb 22, 2006 10:23 AM CST reply actions

HICK SEX TWO US

Anyone know what this says?

Hey Norm...if you were a hot dog...would ya eat yourself? -Will Farrell as Harry Caray

by EbbyCalvinNukeLaLoosh on Feb 22, 2006 10:52 AM CST reply actions

nice

WHITE SOX SUCK

MissouriKev

by MissouriKev on Feb 22, 2006 9:44 PM CST up reply actions

Ahh yes my friend...

you are the proud winner of a 2006 season without a White Sox world championship!!!!

Hey Norm...if you were a hot dog...would ya eat yourself? -Will Farrell as Harry Caray

by EbbyCalvinNukeLaLoosh on Feb 23, 2006 7:42 AM CST up reply actions

What?

No "Genuine Class"?

Old joke, sorry. All roads eventually lead back to the source...

by drone1047 @ Bleed Cubbie Blue on Feb 22, 2006 10:52 AM CST reply actions

lol Simpsons

used that if I'm not mistaken.

2006 -- AC036097 -- Eamus Catuli!

by priorpwnz on Feb 22, 2006 11:04 AM CST up reply actions

I can't think how

... the Simpsons would use that: seems much too nice. Did he do a voice on the show or something?

by One of Als Pals on Feb 22, 2006 11:16 AM CST up reply actions

It was in an anagram game...

...that Lisa and Allison Taylor played in the episode "Lisa's Rival."

by Perkins on Feb 22, 2006 1:47 PM CST up reply actions

Thanks

I didn't think of Lisa; it even makes sense now. Bart would more likely get a different name and come up with something like "Vent Ale Gases"...

by One of Als Pals on Feb 22, 2006 2:29 PM CST up reply actions

And the name that was "anagramed" was...

...Alec Guinness.

"We take proper names and rearrange the letters in order to form a description of that person."

Lisa was given Jeromy Irons...and came up with, "Jeromy's Iron"....

by Santos L Halper on Feb 22, 2006 3:09 PM CST up reply actions

What's with the "Brash"

in front of "Mean Zag Lung"?

by One of Als Pals on Feb 22, 2006 11:26 AM CST reply actions

You're right...

... I'm not sure where that came from. Might have been a copy/paste error.

I found a better one, anyway, and replaced it. Check it out!

by Al Yellon on Feb 22, 2006 1:51 PM CST up reply actions

Rich Hill ...

If you cheated and used "Richard Hill," you might get: Dr. Chill Hair.

by Short4Fanatic on Feb 22, 2006 12:18 PM CST reply actions

How fitting that Kerry Wood

ended up with Dr.?

by TC Cubby on Feb 22, 2006 12:32 PM CST reply actions

Sorry Al,

I know you probably worked hard on this but....it is plain dumb.

by gbs on Feb 22, 2006 1:14 PM CST reply actions

Would you rather...

... see yet another post on the Mark Prior thing, which has been done to death?

Thought everyone would like a laugh or two.

by Al Yellon on Feb 22, 2006 1:50 PM CST up reply actions

Good point

by gbs on Feb 22, 2006 2:08 PM CST up reply actions

No way--

this was great. Great change from reading pissing-match diaries between gaius, chuck, tomas, and whoever else would be offended that I didn't mention them as a "cynic" or cynic-hater. Please, baseball games come soon!

By the way, it's sad when none of the anagrams for your name are better than the real name--I'm talking to you, Dick Pole.

A BED DR TENT GLOW

by TC Cubby on Feb 23, 2006 7:21 AM CST up reply actions

Unfortunately, gbs

these are the depths to which we must stoop in the last two weeks before Spring Training games.

Mutant Mort is definitely the best by the way, followed closely by Elf Pixie.

by The Boar on Feb 22, 2006 1:34 PM CST reply actions

I will support..

Ok, Twaddler with every ounce of strength in my being.

AC 00 00 00 - BELIEVE

by mike @ Bleed Cubbie Blue on Feb 22, 2006 1:52 PM CST reply actions

Made one more change...

... "Joe Cajun, Esq." read much better than "Seq. Joe Cajun".

by Al Yellon on Feb 22, 2006 2:23 PM CST reply actions

It's good that Corey Patterson isn't on the roster

A CENTER OOPS TRY
A SCREEN POTTY OR
A SECRET PORN TOY

by Otter23 on Feb 22, 2006 3:25 PM CST reply actions

A SECRET PORN TOY!!!

Best. Anagram. Ever.

by Santos L Halper on Feb 22, 2006 3:42 PM CST up reply actions

Someone's bound to ask, so...

... Sammy Sosa...

ASS SAY MOM

by Al Yellon on Feb 22, 2006 4:20 PM CST reply actions

I, for one, appreciate it, Al.

I've been talking about nothing but baseball for the past week and it is driving my wife crazy.

by drone1047 @ Bleed Cubbie Blue on Feb 22, 2006 4:32 PM CST reply actions

I Do Not Appreciate This, Not One Bit!

I am distraught that most of the anagrams of the Cubs players' names do not make any sesne and furthermore, do not describe the person in question. Therefore, I implore that you stop doing name anagrams until you do it right.

Sincerely yours,

A Dutch Drink Belch

by chasfh on Feb 22, 2006 4:53 PM CST reply actions

Hmmm...

... putting "A Dutch Drink Belch" into the server comes up with:

Chuck Blind Hatred

That's not you, is it?

;)

by Al Yellon on Feb 22, 2006 5:23 PM CST up reply actions

I can't say ...

... that anyone has ever anagrammed my last name into "Blind Hatred" before -- although that would probably explain a lot of things about my family. ;)

Dutch

by chasfh on Feb 22, 2006 7:49 PM CST up reply actions