BREAKING: Cubs fire Hendry; name Isiah Thomas new GM

by Reverend Jim Ignatowski on May 24, 2006 9:07 PM CDT

Citing the recent Cub swoon that has all but eliminated the Cubs from a World Championship for the 98th consecutive year, Cub leader Andy McFail announced the firing today of GM Jim Hendry saying, "We appreciate Jim's efforts to make us competitive, but during this time of tribulation we believe it necessary to go in a different direction. As our 98 year record has shown, we're really not that good at this baseball thing, so we looked outside of baseball for a new GM. One name jumped out at us as easily the best choice. A young man who grew up in this area, who went on to play ball and kiss Magic Johnson, then after retirement went on to destroy an entire league. We believe ultimately he'll destroy the National League leaving the Cubs as perennial pennant winners. I'd like to introduce you to former Knickerbocker GM, Isiah Thomas. Isiah."

"Thank you Andy. Before taking questions, I'd like to announce the following actions that I've taken. First it's important that my own man direct the day to day field operations, so Dusty Baker has been replaced by my old teammate Dennis Rodman, who has been given a 4 year $40 million deal. Dennis will bring to the Cubs the necessary intellect and discipline to make us winners. We will not be abused by opposing players or umpires again. While Dennis may not know baseball strategy, it's been decades since anyone around here has. In keeping with my successful method honed in New York, I've signed Kerry Wood and Mark Prior to 10 year $100 million contracts each. Zambrano and Maddox were traded to the Yankees for draft picks in 2009 because you can never have enough draft picks. Consistent with my philosophy of bringing in the best athlete available and to bring excitement to our great fans, we engineered a several team swap and received Barry Bonds, Fred McGriff, Rafael Palmeiro, Randy Johnson and three players to be named someday for Barrett (who is about to be suspended), Marshall, Murton, Rammirez and Cedeno.

We believe with these moves we've become a premium team and so we're raising all tickets to premium levels for the remainder of the year before adding a 20% surcharge to next years ticket prices. Also, no items will be allowed into the games and pay toilets have been installed. Thank you and good day."

See folks, things could be worse.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or Al Yellon, managing editor (unless it's a FanPost posted by Al). FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable baseball fans.

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I just

threw up in my mouth a little.

--Tim http://fridayafternoonintheuniverse.blogspot.com

by elscorcho0682 on May 24, 2006 9:14 PM CDT reply actions

Being a graduate

of the illustrious Indiana University, I'm sure that Isiah is MORE than qualified to be a GM of a baseball team, a rocket scientist, a molecular biologist, or any number of other postitions that require a high degree of intelligence. After all, smart people are all we turn out.

;)

"Aw, how could he lose the ball in the sun, he's from Mexico!"--Harry Caray

by cubbiejulie on May 25, 2006 5:24 AM CDT up reply actions

Um...I'm sorry?

On that note, I'd rather they hire a Wisconsin graduate...we're smart AND we know how to party!

--Tim http://fridayafternoonintheuniverse.blogspot.com

by elscorcho0682 on May 25, 2006 6:46 AM CDT up reply actions

hoosiers

Im an IU alum too. Although forget about isiah, we need to bring in the general. all this talk about lou piniella, forget it. you want someone to light a fire, robert montgomery knight is your man.

that may have been a complete joke, but now that i think about it, i kinda like the idea. am i alone here?

by billswersky on May 25, 2006 10:20 AM CDT up reply actions

Thanks

You've just shown that we haven't hit rock bottom yet.

Things may not be able to get much worse, but Isiah...yeah, that would be worse.

"If it takes forever."

by JDay on May 24, 2006 9:57 PM CDT reply actions

Informal poll

Name the top three owners/GM's of any professional team (any sport) that would come in and have the most passion about turning things around for the Cubs. My picks are:

Mark Cuban (though he would need a good support staff since his baseball knowledge is probably not as immense as most baseball owners/GM's)
Jerry Jones- Though the Cowboys have been bad up until recently, he is willing to spend money to make money ( and Super Bowl rings)
Steve Stone/Ron Santo- Just listening to Ronny on the radio shows the love he has. We would really have to work to get Stone back, but wouldn't it be great- a manager that knows what they are doing?

Of course, we need the Trib to sell first...

by ryno @ Bleed Cubbie Blue on May 24, 2006 10:06 PM CDT reply actions

Stone

A lot of people seem to like the idea of the guy managing, but I'm not sure that being an analyst would necessarily mean he'd know what he's doing.

Personally, I don't think he's more than so-so in the booth, either, but that's another story.

But the thing is, considering who may be available, it may not be a bad idea to give him a shot. Piniella and Johnson are two of the big name guys out there, but outside of them, there aren't a lot of successful former managers who need a job. New blood may not be a bad idea. We could definitely do worse than having Stone in the dugout.

"If it takes forever."

by JDay on May 24, 2006 10:41 PM CDT reply actions

It's real easy...

... to sit in a broadcast booth and analyze what's going on, on the field.

It is far different to negotiate with players and agents, and build a team.

Ken Harrelson tried to move from the booth to the GM's office. He was a miserable failure.

I have a feeling that within a few months of Stone's moving to the GM's office, if that happened, you'd all be calling for his firing.

by Al Yellon on May 25, 2006 8:10 AM CDT up reply actions

Stone

I don't know if he would be good in the dugout, I was thinking more of a GM role or something. Granted, it may sound weird, but can we really do worse than Hendry? Maybe he could be a special assistant. What we could really use is a meet and greet day with Cubs fans and the Tribune suits. See how they feel w/o the protection of the tower.

by ryno @ Bleed Cubbie Blue on May 24, 2006 10:57 PM CDT reply actions