Congratulations To Proud Poppa Prior

Well, we've all heard the rumors... and we've all wondered about that weight gain.

But last night, June 13th, 2006, Mark Prior gave birth to a bouncing baby 4-hitter.

The bundle of joy was 6 2/3 innings, weighing in at only 1 walk.  Officials say that it was a healthy start, with 10 fingers, 10 toes, and 10 strikeouts.

After fanning the first four batters, Prior started showing signs of struggle as he gave up a single and a double.

"I was hurting.  I was really tempted to get the epidural," Prior said later. "They were there with the syringe and all, but I've be laboring really hard during these past 9 months - I even gave up the 'leaded' coffee."

The only complication was an unearned run (which the Iowa Cubs made up for later in the game) and the new father was given a No Decision.  

The alleged "baby's daddy", Dusty Baker, was not able to be there for the birth causing further speculation about the relationship between the two.  The "Praker" relationship was first said to be on the rocks amidst trade rumors in the off-season.  

Baker was, however, able to be reached for comment.

"You know, I think it's real good, you know. I think, I ... you know I think pitching is always a good thing to have happen to a team, you know.  You could tell he was laboring out there," Baker rambled. "It's like I say about a good steak, you know.  I say it's better when it's done, and I think that's what Woody, wait, who?  Prior, I think that's what Prior did out there today. I just wish Freddie and Neifi coulda been there, you know, to back him up. You know, he's a real pro. I've never seen anything like that. Have they cut that grass lately? Unbelievable."

Both Prior and game are resting comfortably.