The Cubs, A To Z

Today, children, we'll learn the alphabet, Cubs style:

A is for Aardsma, who pitched well today.

B is for Boring. This game was Boring.

C is for Can't Anyone Play This Here Game? (With apologies to Casey Stengel)

D is for Dusty Baker. It also stands for another word I won't use here.

E is for Eyre, who also pitched well today, even though it was ultimately meaningless.

F is for Fast. What, were the Cubs trying to beat the rush-hour traffic to the airport?

G is for Good. The Red Sox and Yankees were rained out tonight, so ESPN will have to acknowlege there are other major league teams worthy of televising.

H is for Help, something the Cubs could use quite a bit of, particularly Offensive Help.

I is for "It's Only A Model", a famous quote from Monty Python & the Holy Grail. Why is this here? Because I had finished this entire post and my browser burped and it was gone, and I can't remember what I wrote for the letter "I" the first time. Trust me when I tell you it was clever and filled with pathos.

J is for Jacque and for Jones and why was he not starting today, hot as he is?

K is the scorecard symbol for striKeout. That's one thing the Cubs didn't do too much of today -- only two.

L is for yet another Loss.

M is for Marshall, who threw one of the best games of his career, only to get one of the letters just above added to his record.

N is for NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Ron Santo's famous phrase. Perhaps it's best that he missed this series. It would have only made his illness worse.

O is a letter, but the Cubs have been putting up far too many scoreboard numbers that look like that letter lately.

P is for Pierre. Why bother with speed if you're never on base?

Q is for Quick. See "F for Fast". Also see "P for Pierre".

R is for Ramirez. I use his name here because he seems to have vanished. Anyone seen him or his bat or glove lately?

S is for Sampson. Hard to believe this guy was a released minor league shortstop a few years back.

T is for TAKE A PITCH SOMETIME, WILLYA????

U is for the Umpires, who actually got one right when they called Jason Lane's long HR-distance drive in the fifth inning foul (replays confirmed this). It gave brief hope that the Cubs could come back and win. Oh, well.

V is for Victory, something the Cubs have had far too few of the last few weeks.

W is for Win. See above.

X stands for what we'd all like to do with games like this.

Y is for Yawn, which is what you do quite a bit of during B-for-Boring games like this one.

Z. Did you know the Cubs once had a minor-leaguer named Mitch Zwolensky? He never made it above Triple-A. If he had, he'd have replaced Dutch Zwilling to become the last alphabetical listing in the baseball encyclopedias. Zwilling is a former Cub, so with Aardsma now first alphabetically, the Cubs have both.

Not that that has anything to do with today's frustrating 1-0 loss to the Astros; it's just an interesting anecdote.

The game was quick. It was boring. And it is over. Maybe they'll do better this weekend in Cincinnati.

That's all, kids. Nighty-night.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Bleed Cubbie Blue

You must be a member of Bleed Cubbie Blue to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Bleed Cubbie Blue. You should read them.

Join Bleed Cubbie Blue

You must be a member of Bleed Cubbie Blue to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Bleed Cubbie Blue. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker