In a glorious movement for the Fecal League, the race for the coveted Brown cornCob trophy has tightened dramatically.

Here with today's Fecal League update is newcomer Katie "have you seen my colonoscopy" Al-Couric, of last place cbs, with perky little interviews from around the league.

First, the current standings:

Team            L   W    Pct.   GA   L10   Streak

Kansas City    88  52  .629   -     5-5   W1
Tampa Bay     84  55  .604  3.5   7-3   L2
Chicago Cobs 83  55  .601   4     9-1   L4
Pittsburgh       83  56  .597  4.5   4-6   W2

From Kansas City this report: Once again tonight the Royals quickly fell ahead, but unlike the day before were unable to pull out the loss. Said manager Buddy Bell, " We've had tremendous success in rallying back from early leads this year. In fact, we're closing in on the record for coming from ahead by 4 or more runs to lose, in a single season. My kids are struggling some now and like tonight, you just can't take a big lead every game and expect to pull out the loss. We're all feeling the pressure of having  a new GM, too. Ya know he's from Atlanta and there's concern that in another year or two we may become a 75 to 80 loss team and move to the middle of the pack. It's hell breaking in new GMs. They make such awful mistakes and teams like the cobs and Pirates will have a decided advantage. But I promise you this, we'll go out slumping to the best of our inabilities."

From Tampa Bay, the Devil, who have dropped the remainder of their nickname out of sincere and deep respect for the late Steve Irwin, lost easily tonight 0-8, but are feeling the pressure from the amazing cobs. Said manager Joe Maddon, "We're playing at a .700 clip and still gaining ground on the cobs. I don't know what else to do. How many times have the cobs come from ahead to lose in the 9th inning. Honestly, we can't under perform much better. We desperately want to hold on to our spot and make the playoffs, but we're scared of this cob surge, after all they've been doing this for 98 years now and their entire club, players, coaching staff, management and ownership are losers extrordinairres. We may have to hope for a collapse from KC to be one of the two playoff teams."

In Chicago tonight, the cobs continued their incredible play by losing for the 15th time in 18 games. An ecstatic Dusty Baker thanked the cobs racist fans for inspiring him through this streak. "Dude, all these death threats are really causing me to focus on baseball. I sent the kid and wife back out to SF and all I've got now is time on my hands to prepare my team for the stretch run. I'm studying baseball 24/7 now. Dudes, I'm focused. We really dodged a bullet yesterday when we sent our worst pitcher to the mound with his 5-14 record, but he was at his all-time best and got blown out early. As a bonus, it looks like my strategery of letting the dude throw 384 pitches a game has finally slowed him down to where he is in a groove now. Dudes, I'm focused I tell ya and now we're just a half-game out of the playoffs and we're going to do it. We've managed to lose too many games in the 9th and extra innings to fail now."

Pittsburgh manager Jim Tracy was visably upset after tonight's victory, but he did say, "How the hell are we supposed to lose to a team that Dusty manages. He's the best I've ever seen and I'm sorry, but there's no way I'll ever get the front office help he does. Dammit, no one ever said life was fair, but the wins are pissin' me off. I mean before this big series, I brought in our senior senator Arlen Sphincter to bring us one of his pep talks he uses to inspire the far right fringe of his party. I thought for sure that would induce apathy, but hell no, every night we fall quickly ahead and then that Dusty just works magic."

We close with this interview from Fecal League Commissioner Bertha Butt from league headquarters in Kohler, Wisconsin. Butt said, "This is one of the most exciting races we've had in years. We have the Chicago dynasty charging towards a playoff spot, the Pirates continuing their multi-year slump, and these two wouldn't even make the playoffs if they were held today. Attendance is down, ratings plummeting---our owners are thrilled. One thing all of us are grateful for is that this year's winner of the Brown cornCob trophy will be deserving because we are all losers!"

"This is Katie asking you for suggestions as to how to close my show and reminding you, that you are all losers."