Happy Birthday to my hubby, who officially enters his mid-30s today. Hee. Sorry about moving out of that coveted 18-34 year old demographic. Now that you are old, no one cares what you think or buy anymore. On the plus side, no one will care what you buy anymore, so quit worrying about the denture cream, Preparation H, and adult diapers.

We begin today with the scandal that is rocking the world of double wides and shrines to Dale:

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. (AP) -- Michael Waltrip apologized Thursday for his team's role in NASCAR's biggest cheating scandal, saying he was so embarrassed he almost pulled out of Daytona 500 preparations.

The two-time Daytona 500 winner, who lost two key crew members Wednesday when NASCAR penalized his team for using a fuel additive, said he had to be talked into racing by his wife and Toyota officials who are seething that Waltrip tainted their Nextel Cup debut.

Apparently, certain NASCAR teams were putting a fuel additive in to be able to make endless left turns at a marginally faster rate.  Not quite as sexy as hitting 50 extra home runs a year, but they're doing what they can.

From The Heckler, a story regarding some of the unintended consequences of Andy Masur's new job:

Masur's departure leaves critical void during Pat Hughes' 8th inning bathroom breaks

WGN radio's Andy Masur--who's spent the last five years covering for Cubs play-by-play man Pat Hughes' late-game, half-inning breaks--is leaving the station for greener pastures in San Diego, where he will work Padres' radio broadcasts.

Masur leaves behind an eight-year legacy that WGN management will be hard-pressed to fill.

"When it comes to working five, maybe 10 minutes, nobody in radio gives a better effort than Little Andy Masur," said WGN's station manager Steve Grogan, brushing back a tear. "And who will be able to forget Andy's tireless dedication to his famed 'Square D Scoreboard' updates?"

With pitchers and catchers reporting to Mesa this week, Grogan is eager to plug the hole swiftly. According to the WGN Web site, qualified applicants will "have the innate ability to drive Ron Santo around in golf cart during Spring Training" and "keep seat warm for Pat Hughes during 8th inning bathroom breaks."      

Several candidates have lined up to fill the position, including former Cubs Dave Otto, Mike Bielecki and Randy Hundley, and Lindsay Walters, a 7th grader from Des Plaines, who posts on her MySpace account that she "likes broadcasting and stuff."

Hey! I didn't even get offered an interview for that job!

No matter what side of the aisle your political views fall on, you HAVE to find this funny:

WASHINGTON, DC--President Bush announced Monday that his administration will permanently sever ties with the democratically controlled United States Congress, ending a nearly 220-year-old alliance between the two governmental branches.

"Our administration no longer recognizes the authority of this rogue body," said Bush in a televised Oval Office address. "Clearly, these combative men and women have a political agenda in direct opposition to our own. They have no concern for my national interests, and have left me no choice."

After six years of cordial relations between the executive and legislative branches of government, tensions flared up in January when Congress came under the control of "hostile new leadership." After a dramatic standoff last week over American policy in Iraq, the president openly denounced Congress, refused to accept calls from majority leaders, and returned Congress-approved legislation unsigned and unread.

See? Cause it's not a Bush joke, it's just a government joke. And. . . oh, never mind. It's funny because it's true.

5 songs on my iPod:

Wild Horses: Elvis Costello & Lucinda Williams
You Were Meant for Me: Jewel
Damn Good Disguise: The Mendoza Line
Extraordinary: Liz Phair
Mrs Robinson: The Lemonheads

QOTD: What do you do in the mornings before the OBD is posted?

Today's Top 100 Hottest Cubs:

#7 Ryne Sandberg:

This is kind of a weird one for me, because it's hard for me to a) get past the fluffy hair, and b) remember him like this. But, it turns out that, in his younger days, Ryno was pretty dishy.

See?

CJ, they don't get much more square-jawed than that.