Tuesday OBD: Big Z/Rivera WTF? Edition

I do believe that Chad owes me a drink.

Thanks to tyger for today's OBD title suggestion, I added Rivera in because I am DEVASTATED by whatever went down between him and Lovie yesterday. I think we've made a HUGE mistake in letting Chico go.

Ron Rivera becomes NFL's official bastard child

In the last two years, Ron Rivera has interviewed for nine head coaching positions and has been passed over every time. Taking note of the league's distain for Rivera, the Bears have also taken a pass on their defensive coordinator of the last three seasons and have unexpectedly decided not to renew Rivera's expiring contract.

Head coach Lovie Smith, who is expected to receive a lucrative contract extension this off-season, will most likely promote his longtime friend and current assistant head coach and linebackers coach Bob Babich to the vacant position. Rumors have already begun to swirl that the new deal with the head coach has forced the team to cut corners by hiring an inexperienced assistant to replace Rivera.

"This has nothing to do with the Bears being cheap," General Manager Jerry Angelo said at the Bears press conference Monday, speaking into a cheap megaphone instead of a microphone while standing on a makeshift podium made of a soap box. "It's pretty simple, if nine other NFL teams have taken a pass on him, why the heck do we want him?"

Frankly, I think this is interfering with my feelings for Lovie. There, I said it.

As for Z, I guess we all just sit tight for today and see what happens. Frankly, I find it sad and hilarious that Hendry can find tons of cash for the likes of Lilly and Marquis, but goes to Scrooge McDuck for advice when it comes to Z. I guess it could be worse:

Pirates GM Begins Making Frantic, Haphazard Moves After Realizing It's Almost Spring Training

PITTSBURGH--While watching the noon edition of SportsCenter in his pajamas Tuesday, an alarmed Pirates GM Doug Littlefield suddenly realized that spring training was just one week away and he had yet to make a single offseason transaction.

"Shit shit shit--what do we need? Hitters? Pitchers? Pitchers. Can never have enough pitching. Who's a pitcher? Let's see, Randy Johnson, Roy Oswalt, Tom Glavine--wait, wasn't there some Japanese guy now who's good?"

Littlefield reportedly said as he went to go put on pants, started running the shower, and picked up the phone to call his assistant. "Who's still available... A... A... Armas. Tony Armas Jr. Wait, is he already on the Pirates? No, that's Shawn Chacon. Good, that's one. Think, think: Who else is there in baseball?"

In good news for mankind, no one went to Paris Hilton's birthday party:  

February 20, 2007 -- HOLLYWOOD A-listers shunned celebutard Paris Hilton's 26th birthday in Las Vegas in favor of hanging out in New York for Untitled Entertainment founder Jason Weinberg's 40th birthday at Midtown hot spot The Grand on Friday night. The power player toasted his big day with close friends Clive Davis, Kanye West, Marissa Tomei, Amy Sacco and Naomi Watts. Weinberg even had his "Happy Birthday" sung to him by Blondie legend Debbie Harry.

Meanwhile, Hilton held her party at Body English at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Vegas, but the bash turned out to be more of a bust. "There were no names there except for [sister] Nicky Hilton and Nicole Richie," said our source.

Finally! The universe is self-correcting. Set the doomsday clock back at least 5 minutes.

Oh wait.

But even without many boldfaces, things at the after-party at the Penthouse Suite got a little odd. After downing TY KU liquor and bottles of Dom Perignon, guests reported seeing Hilton play with a monkey while a band of midgets led a pack of goats around the room.

Sigh. Nevermind. We're all toast.

5 songs on my iPod:

Knock Me Down: RHCP
I Will: The Beatles
Jesus, etc: Wilco
Isanity: Liz Phair
Must I Paint You a Picture?: Billy Bragg

QOTD: (I know we've done this before, but I am feeling lazy today)

Ask any BCBer anything you want to know.

Top 10 Hottest Cubs of All-Time

#4 Kyle Farnsworth/Raffy Palmeiro(tie)

He ain't smart, but he sure is pretty:

Who cares if he's a cheater and needs Viagra? Back in his day, there was a reason Cindy couldn't control herself. Besides, facial hair has really grown on me:

Oh yeah, and to the slackers at Blendtec:  BLEND SOMETHING NEW ALREADY!!!!!!!