The only good word to describe my feelings is embarrased. Being only 32, I've only lived through a few good seasons and fewer playoffs series. I know the stories of 1969, know about Steve Garvey and Leon Durham, Will Clark in 1989. Pretty much just had fun in 1998, finally watching my Cubs in the playoffs. 2003 was crushing, heartbreaking.
This year is the equivilent of being the biggest nerd in school, starting from freshman year. Having a crush on the most popular, beautiful girl in school. Knowing you'll never get her. Feeling the loneliness, the yearning for her. When in your senior year, you've finally got some confidence. You ask to to the senior prom, she says yes. Only to find out when you get to the prom it was all a joke. The whole school was in on it. Everyone has played you for a fool.
This year we have no Bartman, no grounder through the legs with the Series on the line, no black cats, no goats. We only have our players. Were they wound to tight from expectations? Did they finally hit the wall after 162 games of excellence? One can only wonder.
Though I suppose I do find some comfort in the way this whole sad situation has played out.
I'd much rather be embarrased than heartbroken.