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Clemens On The Hill

Sorry if this was posted elsewhere. Not sure who wrote this, but it has been circulating via email. This originated from Ivy Chat here -- http://ivychat.blogspot.com/  I'm a huge fan of A Few Good Men so I couldn't stop laughing.

Clemens: You want answers?

Congressman: I think I'm entitled to them.

Clemens: You want answers?

Congressman: I want the truth!

Clemens: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has baseballs. And those balls have to be hit by men with bats. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Congressman? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for steroids and you curse HGH. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that HGH, while illegal, probably sells tickets. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, sells tickets...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that mound. You need me on that mound. We use words like fastall, slider, splitfinger...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent playing a sport. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and falls asleep to the Sportscenter clips I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bat and dig in. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!

Congressman: Did you order the HGH?

Clemens: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.

Congressman: Did you order the HGH?

Clemens: You're goddamn right I did!!

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or Al Yellon, managing editor (unless it's a FanPost posted by Al). FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable baseball fans.

0 recs  |  Comment 12 comments

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Very well done
n/t
"I don't like them fellas that drive in two runs but let in three" Casey Stengel

by MPH73 on Feb 15, 2008 1:09 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Bravo!
As I've told you before, I never repeat myself.

by santoswoodenlegs on Feb 15, 2008 1:18 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

well played
hadn't seen this yet.

It would be funny if it were Henry Waxman vs. Bud Selig too.

by socalbob on Feb 15, 2008 1:19 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

I have
not seen this either. Quite good.
"You can't take life to seriously, you don't get out of it alive"

by wild bill on Feb 15, 2008 1:49 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

I Love This Movie!
...but this version is better.  ;-)
Jacque Jones is gone and I doubt Ivan DeJesus would mind this!

by initram on Feb 15, 2008 2:11 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Lets give credit...
where credit is due.   It is from Chuck at Ivy Chat

http://ivychat.blogspot.com/

Kasey

See the Cubs 2008 schedule with TV schedule at http://ignarski.tripod.com/sched2008.html

by kaseyi on Feb 15, 2008 2:17 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Author
Does he say he wrote it?  I couldn't find that he takes credit.  I would like to give the true author credit because it is friggin hilarious!
"Chicago Cubs fans are ninety percent scar tissue."

by northofwrigley on Feb 15, 2008 2:25 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Looks like he did it himself...
... as there's no link to anywhere else on his post. Nicely done, Chuck.
"That's my opinion and if you don't like it, well, I have others." ~ Groucho Marx

by Al on Feb 15, 2008 2:27 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Big shoes [and jersey] to fill...
Guess who's wearing #22 for the Yankees this year?

One of our all-time favorite whipping boys, LaTroy Hawkins.

Lou Brown: "My kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team..."

by ballhawk on Feb 15, 2008 6:26 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

how special
Rocket to LaTroilet!

by socalbob on Feb 18, 2008 10:08 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

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