Thank you for coming today. We first want to thank Ozzie Guillen for his timely coaching in the fourth inning of today's game against the White Shlox for not lifting his pitcher Mr. Contreras when he should have. We appreciate his signal contribution to the Chicago Cubs by providing them a live fire exercise in batting pratice and trust that this will not require him to engage in further therapeutic application of sensitivity psychoanalysis. The Jim Edmonds Fan Club recognizes that his blaming of alleged sightings of rats in the batting practice cages could be a manifestation of further mental aberrences, however, and wishes to encourage Mr. Guillen to continue to take his Prozac, avoid conflict, and cut all the four corners off his Pop Tarts in the morning.
Main item of business: We have continued to have significant input from fans about the arrival of Chicago Cub status to Jim Edmonds. At our last meeting, the vote was unanimous that Jim would be granted full recognition as a bona fide roster player for the Chicago National League team with all the rights and privileges thereof. We understand that a significant mass of Cub fans are moving Jim Edmonds Cub jerseys through UPS terminals, that he may have been spotted buying drinks all around at Murphys after one game, and that a grass roots campaign is moving to have a "Jim Edmonds Bobblehead Night" during the last Cubs home stand in September for the first 15,000 Trixies who show up wearing their sorority pins.
Either way, the Edmonds rollercoaster is showing no sign of slowing down. His heroic efforts to reduce the White Shlox into rotting hamburger today will surely be remembered in the ages. Generations to come will remember where they were during the fourth inning of the second game of the Red Line Rivalry, 2008.
A motion was made by Joe Shlabotnik of Berwyn, Illinois to open membership to the Jim Edmonds Fan Club once again to all members of the Cubs Nation who didn't get onboard last time.
We'd like to note that one Al Yellon has volunteered to be the master of arms for the new organization and that he hopes his contributions to the club will result in positive efforts in Wrigleyville, world peace and perhaps a Edmonds Tongue mask giveaway for kids this coming Halloween.
For further review of the record, here's the minutes for the Formational meeting of this charitable organization:
I am just the parliamentarian, I just move things along here and take no formal positions. Is there a second?