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OT: Worst Movie Ever

Tiny by zm1217 on

As I was reading the game thread today, I stumbled upon an interesting conversation between a few posters (cwyers and others) that briefly discussed this topic. What's the worst movie that you have ever seen? And yes, Mystery Science Theatre 3000 movies count. They're much more tolerable that way. Man those guys were funny! I would definitely have to say that the absolute worst film I have had the displeasure of viewing is Manos: The Hands of Fate. So tell us, what's the worst?

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation, Bleed Cubbie Blue, or Al Yellon, editor-in-chief. FanPost opinions are, however, valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable baseball fans.

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OK

Let me get the ball rolling here:

Bend it like Beckham.

"Chicago baseball fans, who are composites of scar tissue and mortifying memories..." - George F. Will

by eswan9 on Aug 24, 2008 4:44 PM CDT   0 recs

Seriously?

I liked that movie.

"That's my opinion and if you don't like it, well, I have others." ~ Groucho Marx

by Al on Aug 24, 2008 5:56 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

I liked it too

Kind of a cultural and sports movie rolled in one.

by daeviant on Aug 24, 2008 6:06 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Grrr

probably because I don;t like Beckham or soccer for that matter.

"Chicago baseball fans, who are composites of scar tissue and mortifying memories..." - George F. Will

by eswan9 on Aug 24, 2008 6:21 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

I watched it for the first time with my roommate from India

it was one of her favorite movies. I really enjoyed it.

I think it’s just his face. - dat cubfan daver

by halfblindcubbiegirl on Aug 24, 2008 6:54 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

It's really not about Beckham or soccer.

It’s a coming of age movie about families and growing up and different cultures. Very well written and acted.

"That's my opinion and if you don't like it, well, I have others." ~ Groucho Marx

by Al on Aug 24, 2008 6:55 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Man

I must not be with it, since I didn’t enjoy it. Many of my family members enjoyed it though. BTW my nephew is a huge Beckham fan and his sister is also a very good soccer player (only 10 years old though.) Soccer is pretty big in SoCal, what with Beckham in LA playing for the Galaxy and all.

Just not my cup of tea, I guess.

"Chicago baseball fans, who are composites of scar tissue and mortifying memories..." - George F. Will

by eswan9 on Aug 24, 2008 8:58 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

For a great book in a somewhat similar vein

read “Unaccustomed Earth”. Enjoyed it so much I sent a copy to my sister.

Reed Ballgame - best CF in the MLB

by californiachicagoan on Aug 25, 2008 1:48 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

+1

Reed Ballgame - best CF in the MLB

by californiachicagoan on Aug 25, 2008 1:45 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Def-Con 4 (1985)

“Two men and a woman circle the globe in a satellite armed with a nuclear device. The third world war breaks out, and a few months later the satellite crashes. They survive the crash but one man gets killed by survivors and the other man gets caught. The woman stays by the remains of the the satellite but is soon caught by evil punks who have taken power”

The only movie I ever wanted my money back.

by garyscottrules on Aug 24, 2008 4:51 PM CDT   0 recs

I saw that with my HS girlfriend...

Kind of liked it. Wasn’t Mick Jagger in it?

by jdb-44 on Aug 27, 2008 10:34 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

I can’t believe I wasted two hours of my life on that piece of crud.

CUBS WIN! CUE THE ORCHESTRA!

by Keith on Aug 24, 2008 4:55 PM CDT   0 recs

Talladega Nights

N/T

"In an ocean or in a glass, cool water is such a gas."

by markleonette on Aug 24, 2008 4:56 PM CDT   0 recs

Disagree...Sacha Baron Cohen was brilliant....

Let my ashes blow in a beautiful snow from the prevailing 30 mile an hour southwest wind...
When my last remains go flying over the left field wall, I'll bid the bleacher bums adieu,
And I will come to my final resting place, out on Waveland Avenue. --Steve Goodman

by NotSure on Aug 24, 2008 7:33 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Absolutely agree...

Absolutely agree…

Except for Walker and Texas Ranger.

Dome-san!!

by Goat Whisperer on Aug 24, 2008 9:21 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Liked it

Reed Ballgame - best CF in the MLB

by californiachicagoan on Aug 25, 2008 1:49 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Or for that matter

any Will Farrell movie where he shouts at the top of his lungs. Oh, wait…

j/k He doesn’t do that in ‘Stranger Than Fiction’ and I actually liked that movie.

"Years of academy training, wasted"--Buzz Lightyear (not a flying toy)

by spoiledcubbage on Aug 26, 2008 12:39 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Winter Passing was good, too.

But yeah, Farrell definitely has a schtick.

make/art

by neverAcquiesce on Aug 26, 2008 10:18 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Slingblade

awful.

I think it’s just his face. - dat cubfan daver

by halfblindcubbiegirl on Aug 24, 2008 4:58 PM CDT   0 recs

Actually.

Thinking on this for a few more minutes… Napoleon Dynamite was the worst movie I’ve ever sat through in my life. I know lots of people thought it was funny… but I was so bored by it.

I think it’s just his face. - dat cubfan daver

by halfblindcubbiegirl on Aug 24, 2008 5:57 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

It's really either love it or hate it with Napoleon Dynamite

And for the record, I was mildly amused the first time I saw it, but ever since then it just doesn’t seem funny anymore. Worst movie ever? No. But I don’t really want to see it again.

"I see great things in baseball. It's our game - the American game." - Walt Whitman

by hip2bsquare on Aug 24, 2008 6:07 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Its not worst movie ever... but it wasnt one I found funny at all

"We've had our ups and downs, but as long as you have a reason, something to fall back on and a plan, that's all there is to it," Soto said.

by Madison Cub Fan on Aug 24, 2008 6:26 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

I don't know cubbiegirl...

guess we have vastly different tastes in movies. I happened to really enjoy Napoleon D. No profanity, low budget, no big time stars, and I found it really funny and sweet. Similar to Little Miss Sunshine in a lot of ways.

"Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball." - Jacque Barzun

by Bump Bailey on Aug 24, 2008 8:00 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

I was just bored by it.

I’d heard it was “the funniest movie in years” and we’re siting in my friends dorm room watching it…. and nuthin. Not even a chuckle from me. And I can usually find something funny in anything.

It may not be the “worst movie ever” but its DEFINITELY the worst I’ve ever sat through. I kept waiting for something not stupid to happen.

The Walk: Weapon of choice for the 2008 Cubs

by halfblindcubbiegirl on Aug 24, 2008 9:02 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Maybe because I saw it early in it's release.

And didn’t expect much. I hate watching movies later on that everyone raves about. A lot of times I’m dissapointed.

"Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball." - Jacque Barzun

by Bump Bailey on Aug 24, 2008 9:08 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Gwad!

Theriot, Fonty, and Johnson = The Scrappy Pyramid of Victory

by BrewCrew'sPrinceofDarkness on Aug 24, 2008 10:25 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

I had the same reaction, for the most part.

My wife hated “Napoleon Dynamite” so much that, halfway, through, she got up and left the room to do something else and left me alone to watch the rest. I could see the humor in the film, but I just didn’t go nuts for it the way everyone else in the universe seemed to be at the time.

Yes, sir!

by dat cubfan daver on Aug 25, 2008 10:56 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Didnt like it the first time

but it grew on me.

Reed Ballgame - best CF in the MLB

by californiachicagoan on Aug 25, 2008 1:49 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Slingblade...really?

I think it’s a modern classic myself.

"Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball." - Jacque Barzun

by Bump Bailey on Aug 24, 2008 7:55 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Yeah, I liked "Slingblade" a lot.

“Mmmmhmmm…I love dem french fried taters…”

Yes, sir!

by dat cubfan daver on Aug 25, 2008 10:57 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Hard to beat "Manos", but...

My sentimental choice was always “Wizards of the Demon Sword,” if for no other reason than it gave up and made fun of itself during this post-apocalyptic turd as the heroes venture off to find the “Seer of Robuck”. Saw MST Manos a few weeks ago, funny you mention that! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103278/

""At the end of the day, boys, you don't tell me how rough the water is, you bring in the ship." -- Steve Stone

by kentmeister on Aug 24, 2008 5:09 PM CDT   0 recs

ummmm

worst movie ever—brokeback mountain

from the mouth of Uecker:

"Am I the only one who’s glad it’s only a 4-game series? If was a 9-game series, I think the Cubs would win them all."

by cubsluver22 on Aug 24, 2008 5:14 PM CDT   0 recs

i wish i could quit you!

lol

"Every player should be accorded the privilege of at least one season with the Chicago Cubs. That's baseball as it should be played - in God's own sunshine. And that's really living." --Alvin Dark

by preachermancubsfan on Aug 24, 2008 8:00 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

because there was something artistically wrong with it,

or you don’t take kindly to dem gay fellers?

by nathew on Aug 24, 2008 10:25 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Don't want to see it again...

But I thought it was brilliant. I just closed my eyes for the icky parts.

If you hated it for its merits, fine. But if this is just homophobia, then grow up.

Pluto will always be a planet to me!

by DaBard on Aug 25, 2008 7:21 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

No disrespect intended

this is a real question.

Isn’t saying that you closed your eyes for the “icky parts” an example of homophobia?

by ScottT on Aug 25, 2008 5:39 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Yes...DeBard is a homophobe....kill him with fire.

Or…just stop it.

As I've told you before, I never repeat myself.

by santoswoodenlegs on Aug 25, 2008 5:42 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

No, it's a fair question

I shouldn’t have said icky parts. I was trying to be funny.

I didn’t close my eyes. I just enjoyed the movie like a grownup.

Pluto will always be a planet to me!

by DaBard on Aug 25, 2008 6:17 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Elephant and/or Last Days

I want my 4 hours back Gus Van Zandt

The only stats I care about are the ones on the back of a baseball card

by carmen_fanzone on Aug 24, 2008 5:14 PM CDT   0 recs

Tough...

and Talladega Nights almost won but it has to be “Tiptoes.” Gary Oldman, Kate Beckinsale, Matthew McConaughey, and Patricia Arquette. It’s not a great lineup but they’re not half bad. The movie must’ve been a contractual obligation for some of them because its about a guy (McConaughey) who’s family are little people. He isn’t but is a carrier and terrified of getting his g/f pregnant for fear that she’ll have a little person. To top it off, his brother (Gary Oldman) is little so he acts the whole movie…on his KNEES!! Patricia Arquette is dating Peter Dinklage’s character who’s a french snob. To save you all the trouble, in the end Kate Beckinsale ends up with Gary Oldman and has a kid with him. Though I could be mistaken since I tried to shine a laser pointer in my eyes to erase what I had just seen.

by CubFan81 on Aug 24, 2008 5:14 PM CDT   0 recs

As a former movie theater employee...

I’m going to say that the worst movies are…

Extreme Ops (2002 snowboarding movie)
Gigli (Affleck and J-Lo)
Ghostrider (Nic Cage)

and maybe the worst ever…

Catwoman

Talladega Nights was amazing to the right age group, so perhaps take a little perspective.

One thing you learned as a Cubs fan: when you bought you ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth.
Joe Garagiola

by Ryan at Cubshub on Aug 24, 2008 5:16 PM CDT   0 recs

I'm 17, and I thought Talladega Nights was hilarious.

Still not Anchorman material, though.

CUBS WIN! CUE THE ORCHESTRA!

by Keith on Aug 24, 2008 5:34 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

+1

and I’m 33

by socalicubsfan on Aug 24, 2008 7:12 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Shake and bake!

What does that do? Does that blow your mind? That just happened!

by Matty G on Aug 24, 2008 7:24 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Walker! Texas Ranger!

Pluto will always be a planet to me!

by DaBard on Aug 25, 2008 7:21 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Yes!

Now that’s a quartet of crap-tastic films.

"I got a PBS mind in an MTV world"...Jimmy Buffett

by The Ryno and I Know on Aug 25, 2008 2:15 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

For me:

Theriot, Fonty, and Johnson = The Scrappy Pyramid of Victory

by BrewCrew'sPrinceofDarkness on Aug 24, 2008 5:25 PM CDT   0 recs

That has to be up on my list also

along with Bad Taste, Peter Jackson’s first movie.

"In an ocean or in a glass, cool water is such a gas."

by markleonette on Aug 24, 2008 6:36 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Hmmmm....

Jaws: The Revenge was not good…

I’m a huge pro wrestling fan (hence the username) and I was watching the very beginning of The Marine, starring John Cena, and I couldn’t take it. I had to turn it off. My question is, has anyone else seen this movie, and is it as bad as the first 15 minutes looked?

"Your eyes can decieve you. Don't trust them." Obi-Wan Kenobi, the first sabermetrician...

by Curtain Jerker on Aug 24, 2008 5:26 PM CDT   0 recs

Michael Caine?

I am too lazy to look it up but if it is the one with Michael Caine it is spectacular. One of those movies that goes around the “suck compass” all the way back around to great.

In this Jaws the shark doesn’t only think but specifically tags people it is going to follow to Hawaii and eat. Yep, the shark follows planes, helicopters, boats, and whatever else it KNOWS his target is on and follows them. Like “No Country for Old Men” but with a fish instead of Javier.

Michael Caine also has been very entertaining about this movie. He did it because he wanted to go to Hawaii on the studios dime.

I reccomend watching with plenty of beer and whatever else may be your personal fun time bad movie thing.

by One F on Aug 25, 2008 2:38 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

I remember walking out of Joe Versus the Volcano

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan

I’ve seen worst movies, but this is one I paid movie theater prices and didn’t even get through the bucket of popcorn and super large soda before I walked out.

"Every team will win 60 games, every team will lose 60 games, it's what the team does in the other 42 games that decides the season."

by flachimesa on Aug 24, 2008 5:35 PM CDT   0 recs

That's a shame

I love “Joe Versus the Volcano”, for both the visuals and its general (bleak) outlook on workaday life. Some of the acting is sub-par, but it did the “vivid primary colors” thang before and better than “Dick Tracy”.

by Clutch16 on Aug 25, 2008 7:03 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

As I responded in a post below, I may give this a 2nd chance

Maybe I was having a bad day the day I went to see it.

Keep in mind the question of this post is “What’s the worst movie that you have ever seen?” not “What’s the worst movie you heard about?”

There are many movies (e.g., Howard the Duck) that I have not seen.

I spent good money on movies my teenage daughters highly recommended as the “funniest mover EVER” that I thought were mindless but fun. Napoleon Dynamite and Superbad are this generation’s cult comedies but not your parents’ Blazing Saddles or Young Frankenstein.

"Every team will win 60 games, every team will lose 60 games, it's what the team does in the other 42 games that decides the season."

by flachimesa on Aug 25, 2008 8:18 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Well, of course, nothing can compare to Mel Brooks' finest work.

For my money, The Producers (original version), Blazing Saddles, and Young Frankenstein are probably the best comedies ever made – and keep in mind that as a 24-year-old I’m probably part of what you’re defining as “this generation”. Too bad Brooks isn’t nearly as funny as he used to be – most of the movies he made in my lifetime aren’t very good IMO.

"I see great things in baseball. It's our game - the American game." - Walt Whitman

by hip2bsquare on Aug 25, 2008 10:44 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Spaceballs?

Gotta love that!!!

by McRipper on Aug 25, 2008 10:48 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

+1

I loved this movie.

Reed Ballgame - best CF in the MLB

by californiachicagoan on Aug 25, 2008 1:54 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Con-Air was pretty awful...

…there have been others that have been worse but that’s the first one that came to mind. I thought placing white blankets on the ground for snow in Ravenous was pretty lame but overall I thought the plot was credible enough—eat people and gain their strength—maybe that’s why Bonds can’t get a gig right now did anyone ever think of that? With stricter drug testing he has resorted to eating people to maintain his power.

by DudeVf11 on Aug 24, 2008 5:37 PM CDT   0 recs

I like that movie,

What was so bad about Con-Air?

"I can accept failure, but I can't accept not trying" - Michael Jordan, the one and only...

by LPLancer23 on Aug 24, 2008 7:10 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

C'mon...

It’s a weak Nick Cage flick, but not to bad to catch in the middle flippin through the channels. I couldn’t imagine even hesitating during Joe vs the volcano!

by socalicubsfan on Aug 24, 2008 7:13 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

I liked Joe v.Volcano, seriously, LOL!

How about that Stallone movie with the tall blonde chick, I think she was once married to Mark Gastineau? Many of those Stallone movies seem the same, but that one stands out as particularly bad. I don’t recall the name.

by DudeVf11 on Aug 25, 2008 9:57 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Caddyshack 2

obviously, there was a lot to live up to, but that movie blew big time.

"Enough foreplay- let's get crackin'"- Fred Garvin

by davidalanu on Aug 24, 2008 5:43 PM CDT   0 recs

There was no sequel...there was no sequel...

"Chicago baseball fans, who are composites of scar tissue and mortifying memories..." - George F. Will

by eswan9 on Aug 24, 2008 6:23 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Yeah, ignore the sequel as if your very life is at stake.

Same goes for “Blues Brothers 2.” God awful.

Yes, sir!

by dat cubfan daver on Aug 25, 2008 10:59 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

To be fair

If you FF through the plot and just take in the music, especially the huge jam session at the end, BB2K is an awesome movie, except for, strangely enough Aretha, who sleepwalks through ‘Respect’ (“R-to the-S-P-E-C-T”? Gahhh…). And post-credits James Brown FTW!!!

"Years of academy training, wasted"--Buzz Lightyear (not a flying toy)

by spoiledcubbage on Aug 26, 2008 12:43 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

+ 1

I was thinking that when I first read the subject. Good to see I’m not alone.

"Hey! If the moon were made of ribs, wouldja eat it? I know I would!"

by cubs0505 on Aug 24, 2008 10:10 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

At least

they had Jackie Mason in it.

by StevenABQ on Aug 25, 2008 12:13 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Interesting and potentially controversial topic!!

for instance, Joe Vs. the Volcano, mentioned above, is one of my favorite films (and it actually has a fairly big cult) but, to each his own.

When I think of truly awful movies-one that immediately comes to mind is the "It’s Pat’ (based on the old Julia Sweeney SNL character)-even watching it on cable was painful.

by bluekoolaide on Aug 24, 2008 5:45 PM CDT   0 recs

To each his own exactly

I may have to give Joe vs Volcano a rent and another chance.

I also walked out of Sideways which one all sorts of awards. I went out and bought it after it won and still didn’t like it.

I also bought Syriana after it won awards and stopped watching after 30 minutes.

"Every team will win 60 games, every team will lose 60 games, it's what the team does in the other 42 games that decides the season."

by flachimesa on Aug 24, 2008 9:55 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

It's obvious why Syriana won awards...

… but Al frowns upon political discussion on BCB

Dome-san!!

by Goat Whisperer on Aug 24, 2008 9:56 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

I was bored with Syriana myself.

Found the story hard to follow.

"That's my opinion and if you don't like it, well, I have others." ~ Groucho Marx

by Al on Aug 25, 2008 4:09 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Maybe we could modify the contest

Worst movie that was supposedly good/won awards.

I liked parts of Syriana. The scenes with Dr. Bashir and Matt Damon were cool. Most of the rest was dull.

But I must call a technical balk on the Sideways criticism. I LOVED that movie. It also made me want to drink gallons of wine.

But my nominees are:

Children of Men — My fiancee and I had just started dating and I picked the movie. Now, she’s walk out and I’d be on the couch if I didn’t go with her.

Into the Wild — Just rented that this weekend. I was rooting for the guy to starve.

Pluto will always be a planet to me!

by DaBard on Aug 25, 2008 7:14 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

I liked Sideways too.

"That's my opinion and if you don't like it, well, I have others." ~ Groucho Marx

by Al on Aug 25, 2008 7:37 AM CDT to parent up