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Ted Lilly Facts

As suggested by spoiledcubbage in today's post... let's rock some Ted Lilly facts.

Link 3 months ago Bdn_headshot3_tiny digitalbenjamin Comment 151 comments 9 recs |

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Most men write thier name in the snow when they pee

Ted Lilly writes his in concrete

"Destiny is a matter of choice, not chance"

by MerlinDog on Sep 11, 2008 10:30 AM CDT   0 recs

Ted Lilly doesn't crash into catchers;

catchers get caught in what is generally known as the Electromagnetic Lilly Field of Awesome.

make/art

by neverAcquiesce on Sep 11, 2008 10:34 AM CDT   0 recs

The only reason you're even breathing ...

… is because Ted doesn’t feel like carrying you right now.

McCain / Palin: The POW / WOW! Ticket

by Goat Whisperer on Sep 11, 2008 10:34 AM CDT   0 recs

when TRL does push up's

he’s not pushing himself, rather the earth down

"Pounding sand since 1982...."

by cubswynn on Sep 11, 2008 10:35 AM CDT   0 recs

let me try again

he’s not pushing himself up, rather the earth down

"Pounding sand since 1982...."

by cubswynn on Sep 11, 2008 10:36 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

when the boogie man goes to sleep

he checks the closet for ted

"Pounding sand since 1982...."

by cubswynn on Sep 11, 2008 10:36 AM CDT   0 recs

Ted and his H.S. days...

 On a high school math test, Ted put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He solves all his problems with Violence.

McCain / Palin: The POW / WOW! Ticket

by Goat Whisperer on Sep 11, 2008 10:37 AM CDT   0 recs

When life gave Ted lemons, he used them to strike out Pujols.

Ted friggin’ hates lemonade.

McCain / Palin: The POW / WOW! Ticket

by Goat Whisperer on Sep 11, 2008 10:41 AM CDT   0 recs

It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Ted Lilly's milk.

Oh you are so screwed.

McCain / Palin: The POW / WOW! Ticket

by Goat Whisperer on Sep 11, 2008 10:42 AM CDT   0 recs

Awesome

"Years of academy training, wasted"--Buzz Lightyear (not a flying toy)

by spoiledcubbage on Sep 11, 2008 10:59 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

A Texas judge once sentenced a convicted criminal to meet with Ted Lilly.

His lawyer immediately appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.

McCain / Palin: The POW / WOW! Ticket

by Goat Whisperer on Sep 11, 2008 10:47 AM CDT   0 recs

I like that!

"WGN, Channel 9 Cubs Baseball, Excitingly, Importantly, Dramatically Yours." - Jack Brickhouse

by BigJohnAZ on Sep 16, 2008 1:01 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

To Ted Lilly, "breaking balls"

is not what he does to pitches, it’s what he does to opponents

"Years of academy training, wasted"--Buzz Lightyear (not a flying toy)

by spoiledcubbage on Sep 11, 2008 10:52 AM CDT   0 recs

And a classic...

It is said Ted Lilly’s tears can cure cancer. Thing is, no one’s ever seen Ted Lilly cry.

"Years of academy training, wasted"--Buzz Lightyear (not a flying toy)

by spoiledcubbage on Sep 11, 2008 11:03 AM CDT   0 recs

When Ted Lilly was a little baby...

Sittin on his daddy’s knee
His daddy picked him up
and threw him on the floor
and said, “This baby’s wet all over me.”

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 11:21 AM CDT   0 recs

Wait, why do we never see Clark Kent at the game when Ted Lilly is pitching?

Coincidence? I think not.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 11:46 AM CDT   0 recs

Chuck Norris just admitted he wants to be Ted Lilly when he grows up

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 11:49 AM CDT   0 recs

Leo Durocher comes back from the grave and is quoted as saying...

If only that had been Ted Lilly’s mother behind the plate, he would have been safe.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 11:50 AM CDT   0 recs

Dusty Baker was interviewed after the game and asked to comment on the play and said..

Can he do that?

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 11:52 AM CDT   0 recs

This just in... Jeff Spellcheck reportedly upset at being made to look like the second best tight end on the Cubs pitching staff

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 11:54 AM CDT   0 recs

Ted Lilly's agent notifies MLB that his contract was not agreed to until after the midnight deadline...

and demands that the Cubs include a combat pay incentive clause

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 11:56 AM CDT   0 recs

Ted Lilly reportedly gets traded to the Cardinals and tells Molina...

I’m your new pitcher. That’s your first lesson.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 11:59 AM CDT   0 recs

I like this one!

"A catchers biggest concern behind the plate is to make his pitcher pitch a little better than he can" Roy Campanella

by Madison Cub Fan on Sep 11, 2008 1:06 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Don't think, Meat.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 1:13 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Manny Mota set to attempt major league comeback...

Quoted as saying, “Heck, if a 180 lb left-hander with a flower for a last name can take out a major league catcher, nothing’s impossible.”

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 12:02 PM CDT   0 recs

Upon leaving the clubhouse last night, Bob Howry was overheard saying...

Gosh, I wish I had thought of that.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 12:03 PM CDT   0 recs

Carlos Zambrono reportedly not happy with Lilly's "inability to contol his emotions."

He added, during his postgame interview, while sipping a Red Bull latte, “this is the major leagues. A guy’s gotta know when to reign his emotions in a little. I mean look what happened to that guy on the White Sox. You have to be mature to play this game.”

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 12:08 PM CDT   0 recs

Because of events of last night

Charge accounts are now known as ‘Lilly accounts’

"Years of academy training, wasted"--Buzz Lightyear (not a flying toy)

by spoiledcubbage on Sep 11, 2008 12:08 PM CDT   0 recs

There is a new name for home plate at Busch Stadium

The Epicenter

"Years of academy training, wasted"--Buzz Lightyear (not a flying toy)

by spoiledcubbage on Sep 11, 2008 12:10 PM CDT   0 recs

Ted Lilly can slam a revolving door.

"I see the playoff schedule posted in the paper, and that stuff makes me nervous because you can't take anything for granted. We have a great team. We have a really good team. We're playing well, but we haven't won yet." - Jim Edmonds, 8/31/08

by dat cubfan daver on Sep 11, 2008 12:11 PM CDT   1 recs

The energy of a single Ted Lilly impact

can provide enough energy to power Romania for 2 years

"Years of academy training, wasted"--Buzz Lightyear (not a flying toy)

by spoiledcubbage on Sep 11, 2008 12:11 PM CDT   0 recs

In 2007, Geovany Soto attempted to knock over Yadier Molina to score

Ted Lilly leaped from the dugout, shoved Soto out of the way, and knocked Molina over himself.

No one deprives Ted Lilly of a kill.

"Years of academy training, wasted"--Buzz Lightyear (not a flying toy)

by spoiledcubbage on Sep 11, 2008 12:16 PM CDT   1 recs

Ted Lilly does not sleep...

He waits.

If you can see Ted Lilly, he can see you. If you can’t see Ted Lilly, you may be only seconds away from death.

by hokie316 on Sep 11, 2008 12:25 PM CDT   0 recs

Someone made fun of Ted Lilly's name once.

Once.

"Years of academy training, wasted"--Buzz Lightyear (not a flying toy)

by spoiledcubbage on Sep 11, 2008 12:33 PM CDT   0 recs

too funny

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 12:37 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

TWHS

"I'll take one in the mouth over the eyes any day". - AJ Pierzynski
http://lostinthevines.blogspot.com/

by lostinthevines on Sep 21, 2008 12:54 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

OK, so it's the bottom of the ninth in the 7th game of the ws...

Lou has Z pinch hit for Pie. He hits a double. Lilly pinch runs for Z (they pitcced the previous two days to even the series at 3 games each, both on one day’s rest.) Sori hits a ground ball to the second baseman and Lilly never slows down at third and scores the game winning run by knocking the Angel’s catcher into next Tuesday. (Well, it couldn’t be the bottom of the ninth in game 7 because of Bud’s stupid ASG rules but whatever.)

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 12:36 PM CDT   0 recs

When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate

When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Theodore Roosevelt Lilly

McCain / Palin: The POW / WOW! Ticket

by Goat Whisperer on Sep 11, 2008 12:40 PM CDT   0 recs

Kevin Costner just bought the movie rights to yesterday's game

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 12:43 PM CDT   0 recs

Ted Lilly will play himself, Kevin Costner will play Lou Piniella and Bud Selig will play a dwarf in the right field bleachers who drops his hot dog

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 12:45 PM CDT   0 recs

Sorry, the guy who played the manager in The Natural, Wilfred Brumley, will play Lou, Kevin will play Geo and Geo, in a cameo role, will play Johhny Depp as a fan

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 12:48 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Ted Lilly does not shovel his driveway in the winter.

He just stares at the snow and it melts away.

"I see the playoff schedule posted in the paper, and that stuff makes me nervous because you can't take anything for granted. We have a great team. We have a really good team. We're playing well, but we haven't won yet." - Jim Edmonds, 8/31/08

by dat cubfan daver on Sep 11, 2008 12:52 PM CDT   0 recs

When it starts snowing he just goes out and stands in his driveway

and stares up at the heavens and the snow goes somewhere els

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 12:55 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Ted Lilly is not afraid of Hurricanes

He punches them in the EYE

"Aw, how could he (Jorge Orta) lose the ball in the sun, he's from Mexico." -- Harry Carey

by TheRiot Police on Sep 11, 2008 12:56 PM CDT   0 recs

Ted Lilly is so strong

He spots God on the bench

"Aw, how could he (Jorge Orta) lose the ball in the sun, he's from Mexico." -- Harry Carey

by TheRiot Police on Sep 11, 2008 12:56 PM CDT   0 recs

But who spots Ted?...I was told there would be no metaphysics in this class.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 1:02 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Ted Lilly spits into the wind

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 12:58 PM CDT   0 recs

Ted pulls the mask off the old lone ranger

Ted tugs on Superman’s cape
And Ted messes around with Jim

"Destiny is a matter of choice, not chance"

by MerlinDog on Sep 11, 2008 9:56 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

For your consideration:

Ted Lilly and Pete Rose both have 8 letters in their name,
they both bowled over catchers
they both have a flower for a last name
Coincidence?
I think not.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 1:07 PM CDT   0 recs

plus I am told...

they both drive Lincolns
and they both have Johnsons

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 1:09 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Ted Lilly does not hail taxi cabs...

…they hail him.

"I see the playoff schedule posted in the paper, and that stuff makes me nervous because you can't take anything for granted. We have a great team. We have a really good team. We're playing well, but we haven't won yet." - Jim Edmonds, 8/31/08

by dat cubfan daver on Sep 11, 2008 1:12 PM CDT   0 recs

Then they give him a Laurel and Hearty Handshake

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 1:15 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Ted Lilly just created a new mixed beverage.

It’s called a Molina Collidea.

make/art

by neverAcquiesce on Sep 11, 2008 1:18 PM CDT   0 recs

Please drink responsibly

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 1:20 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Can you imagine what it must feel like to be someone who doesn't drink...

and know when you get up in the morning that’s the best you are going to feel all day.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been . . . baseball. It rules over America like an army of steamrollers." Terrance Mann
Tommie Agee was out.

by Weeghman Park on Sep 11, 2008 1:21 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Ted Lilly does not get signals from Soto

He stares at him until he gets the information he needs

"Years of academy training, wasted"--Buzz Lightyear (not a flying toy)

by spoiledcubbage on Sep 11, 2008 1:28 PM CDT   0 recs

Ted Lilly once visited the Virgin Islands

they are now referred to as “the Islands”

the pink hat guy is my father

by joeschmitt on Sep 11, 2008 1:58 PM CDT   0 recs

Ted Lilly is suing Myspace

for taking the name of what he calls everything around Molina

the pink hat guy is my father

by joeschmitt on Sep 11, 2008 2:00 PM CDT   0 recs

Ted Lilly Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet,

he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

the pink hat guy is my father

by joeschmitt on Sep 11, 2008 2:01 PM CDT   0 recs

oops

the pink hat guy is my father

by joeschmitt on Sep 11, 2008 2:01 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Ted Lilly doesn't throw curves or sliders

The laws of physics and aerodynamics as we know them simply bend to his will

"Years of academy training, wasted"--Buzz Lightyear (not a flying toy)

by spoiledcubbage on Sep 11, 2008 2:06 PM CDT   0 recs

When I get angry

my preferred swear of choice is “Teddammit!”

make/art

by neverAcquiesce on Sep 11, 2008 2:10 PM CDT   0 recs

If Ted Lilly played Jack Bauer

the show would be called 12

Go All In and Enjoy The Ride.

by Jayo525 on Sep 11, 2008 2:21 PM CDT   1 recs

win

There's magic in the ivy...

by halfblindcubbiegirl on Sep 24, 2008 4:34 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Ted Lilly can touch MC Hammer

Go All In and Enjoy The Ride.

by Jayo525 on Sep 11, 2008 2:49 PM CDT   0 recs

Tedd Lilly sold his soul to the devil for his stunning good looks and uncanny pitching ability

Not long after the deal was finalized, Chuck gave the devil a left uppercut to the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every other Sunday.

Go All In and Enjoy The Ride.

by Jayo525 on Sep 11, 2008 3:02 PM CDT   0 recs

The body of your quote still says "Chuck."

And the top says “Tedd.”

Fail.

make/art

by neverAcquiesce on Sep 11, 2008 3:18 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

pwned

"I see the playoff schedule posted in the paper, and that stuff makes me nervous because you can't take anything for granted. We have a great team. We have a really good team. We're playing well, but we haven't won yet." - Jim Edmonds, 8/31/08

by dat cubfan daver on Sep 11, 2008 3:40 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs