You might be thinking this is a post about Bob Howry. Well it is not, kind of. You might be thinking this is a post about Z or Marquis. It not, kind of.
No, this post is about sacrificing a goat, more specifically the Cubs Goat.
[History: This might be boring]
Although many Hindus are vegetarian, there are some temples in India where goats and chickens are sacrificed. These sacrifices are mainly done at mandirs following the Shakti school of Hinduism where the female nature of Brahman is worshipped in the form of Kali Ma.
Kali Ma is a Hindu goddess associated with death and destruction. The name Kali means 'force of Kala or time' which makes all things transient. Despite her negative connotations, she is not actually the goddess of death, but rather of Time and Change.
The point: Hindus would sacrifice goats to bring about change. That is what this team needs is change. So I say we need to sacrifice the Cubs’ Goat.
So I propose we vote to see which goat gets it. Will it be Howry, Z, Marquis, or someone else. It should be cathartic and it would be nice to get all our frustrations out at once.
So vote and make your case for who we should sacrifice. Hopefully by tomorrow the Cubs will have won and all our frustrations will be tabled for a few days.
Which Cubs' Goat Gets It?
Theriot: Case for Sacrifice - Scrappiness is next to evilness. (2 votes)
Z: Case for Sacrifice - Clearly he is possessed by the devil when he pitches. (0 votes)
Jason Marquis: Case for Sacrifice – He pitches like a 5th starter. (1 vote)
Ted Lilly: Case for Sacrifice – He throws gloves when angry and has that "Quiet, friendly next door neighbor that gets haul off by the police for being a mass murder" look. (1 vote)
Bob Howry: Case for Sacrifice – A great fastball…FOR ME TO POOP ON! (33 votes)
Carlos Marmol: Case for Sacrifice – His sliders are clearly possessed by the devil. (0 votes)
Kerry Wood: Case for Sacrifice – Still has 2003 residue on him, (0 votes)
DLee: Case for Sacrifice – Power numbers are down and Hoff is so much better than him. (4 votes)
AmRam: Case for Sacrifice – 3 errors tonight? WTF!!! (0 votes)
Sori: Case for Sacrifice –He’s a guess-hacking, selfish player. When he catches a fly ball he looks like a goat. (2 votes)
Fukudome: Case for Sacrifice – Has slumped for 2 months now. His name causes people to chant. He’s a foreigner. (1 vote)
Jim Edmonds: Case for Sacrifice – Former Cardinal Great (enough said). (0 votes)
DeRo: Case for Sacrifice – The man is far too good looking for anyone’s good. (1 vote)
Geo Soto: Case for Sacrifice – His name sounds like it should belong to euro-trash. He looks like euro-trash. (0 votes)
D Ward: Case for Sacrifice – Only has 7 pitch hits in 50 Abs. Is made of 100% beef. (2 votes)
Ronny Cedeno: Case for Sacrifice – Like the Hype around ONEDEC, he is expected to be on this list but for no real good reason. (2 votes)
Mike Fontenot: His name sounds French. Good enough reason. (0 votes)
Felix Pie: Case for Sacrifice – Not on the team since May but this is still all his fault. (0 votes)
Rich Hill: Case for Sacrifice – Pedro Cerrano (Major League) bats no like Curve Ball and neither does Rich Hill’s arm. (3 votes)
I like this team. Can’t we just go to KFC and sacrifice a bucket of chicken? (23 votes)
You are a pagan and a heathen and clearly hate God and America. (13 votes)
88 total votes