WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN DOING???

by DaBard on Sep 8, 2008 7:28 PM CDT Comment 55 comments

I go off for a few days to get married. Saturday, Aug. 30, I became a kept man. As you might expect, I didn't get near a TV that day.

Cubs lost.

Sunday. Day after stuff. Packing for honeymoon. Wife insists on getting the thank you notes done BEFORE we leave. No TV.

Cubs lost.

Then I'm in Playa del Carmen from Monday to Monday. I can see the little crawl on ESPN Deportes in my room in the few minutes I have while the wife is getting ready for dinner.

Cubs lose every game but one.

I expected better from ALL of you while I was gone. This is unacceptable. Clearly, I can't leave. The Cubs need me too badly.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or Al Yellon, managing editor (unless it's a FanPost posted by Al). FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable baseball fans.

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Good god, reinforcements have arrived.

Did you bring the nudie magazines and beer?

Evey Hammond: Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici. V: By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

by dtpollitt on Sep 8, 2008 7:39 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

I saw topless sunbathers

Actually, my wife spotted them before I did. I may have to lose a couple of points on the guy license for that one.

Pluto will always be a planet to me!

by DaBard on Sep 8, 2008 7:47 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Perhaps.

But whatever you lose on your guy license, she gains on her amazingness permit. I’ve always said that if there’s one skill I want in a woman, its her ability to spot the amazing things in life and point them out to me.

Haha. Congrats on getting tied down.

One thing you learned as a Cubs fan: when you bought you ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth.
Joe Garagiola

by Ryan at Cubshub on Sep 8, 2008 8:15 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

My husband spotted the

first topless ladies on our honymoon. Problem is not a one of them was under 50 and those babies looked like slabs of hangy beef jerky. Not exactly what he had in mind, but I found it humorous!

"That guy is a gamer." said Ron Santo of Reed Johnson on 07-25-08

by love the ivy on Sep 8, 2008 8:44 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

At the pool...

There was European woman wearing a strapless bikini. It looked like bad tread on a very fat tire. She was changing and she popped out.

She didn’t notice it for two solid minutes. It was like some weird and fearsome creature, just looking at us.

She noticed finally and tried to kind of laugh flirtatiously. It was the single most repulsive thing I’ve ever experienced.

Pluto will always be a planet to me!

by DaBard on Sep 8, 2008 9:01 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Oh man

the topless women on our honeymoon in Positano…I WISH I hadn’t noticed them! I must have done something wrong cause these women were 1 cup size away from a fat Italian man! Brutal. Congrats on getting hitched.

Kwa...Ki...Sur...Pee...Nee...Ku?

by Kinky Reggae on Sep 9, 2008 7:59 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

We did see a couple...

That were well worth the while… but for the most part…

Pluto will always be a planet to me!

by DaBard on Sep 9, 2008 4:09 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

yeah it can be brutal.

Kwa...Ki...Sur...Pee...Nee...Ku?

by Kinky Reggae on Sep 10, 2008 12:55 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

thank you notes before you left for the honeymoon?

….that is pretty impressive.

Congrats!

"When I got to Chicago, fans came to Wrigley Field just to have fun, now they come to see us win. The expectations have changed, for the players and for the fans. It’s about winning." Kerry Wood, 7/14/08

by JB 23 on Sep 8, 2008 7:46 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Yep...

I married a crazy woman. Some rule her mother taught her.

“You can’t spend the money or use the gift until the thank you note has been written!”

Pluto will always be a planet to me!

by DaBard on Sep 8, 2008 7:47 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I'm 5 years in...

and still hhavent sent out Thank Yous.

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. - Homer J Simpson

by MikeOxbyg on Sep 9, 2008 11:30 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

That might explain...

…all those sideways glances at family gatherings.

"I see the playoff schedule posted in the paper, and that stuff makes me nervous because you can't take anything for granted. We have a great team. We have a really good team. We're playing well, but we haven't won yet." - Jim Edmonds, 8/31/08

by dat cubfan daver on Sep 9, 2008 11:33 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

where did you stay?

"Pounding sand since 1982...."

by cubswynn on Sep 8, 2008 7:58 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Paraiso Del Mar

I’d recommend it to anybody. We spent $2,200 for all-inclusive and I think I made money with the amount of alcohol I drank

Pluto will always be a planet to me!

by DaBard on Sep 8, 2008 8:10 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

We honeymooned in Playa Del Carmen too...

we stayed here http://www.shangrilacaribe.net/

I haz blurg: hotbeans.wordpress.com

by digitalbenjamin on Sep 9, 2008 8:58 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

That looks cool...

I am going to try Iberostars for the rest of my life though. I can’t wait for Castro to die. Some of their Cuban hotels look awesome.

Here is what I learned about a honeymoon in Mexico

It is entirely possible to lay by a pool for six days and not get tired of it. By the seventh day, you’re ready to go home. By noon of your first day back at work, you’re ready to go back.

European vacationers have much different standards of acceptable swimwear than American vacationers

Swimming with dolphins is the coolest thing anyone will ever do

Zip lining is one of those things that looks a lot more fun than it really is

It sucks when you have to cut snorkeling short because some moron didn’t pay attention to the zip line instructor and grabbed the cable, flaying off skin on his hand and bleeding into an ocean that includes sharks and barracuda.

All-inclusive food and drink is the greatest thing ever invented

Pluto will always be a planet to me!

by DaBard on Sep 9, 2008 4:11 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I add to your list-

A five spot to the beach waitress insures you will never have an empty glass

Although Chichen Itza is a hot spot for Malaria (learned this the last time I donated blood), it is the coolest thing I have experienced in my 30 yrs

If you go in September, expect that it will be hard to American “football” on any television. This almost killed my husband as we were in Cancun on the first Monday of football season 3 yrs ago

Also if you go in September, expect a really really good deal (1 week, all inclusive w/ airfare $1200), but tack on the $150 for trip insurance because of little things like Katrina and Rita popping up.

It has to start some place. It has to start some time. What better place than here. What better time than now. ~Rage Against the Machine

by love the ivy on Sep 9, 2008 5:14 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Yeah, let me clarify

We dropped $2 on each pillow each morning. All the bottled water and Diet Coke we could handle in the fridge. We were also first on the route.

Also, if you drink Miami Vices (Pina Coladas and Strawberry Daquiris mixed) and Riviera Mayas (Midori, OJ and Strawberry Daquiri) then you really aren’t drinking! Have as many as you like.

Also, all the expensive scotch? Have at it! That was the only “Seriously?” look I got all week was when I ordered my fifth Clan MacGregor.

Pluto will always be a planet to me!

by DaBard on Sep 9, 2008 8:04 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

This headline scared me.

But I kind of like this stuff. Carry on — and DaBard, you better not leave again.

"That's my opinion and if you don't like it, well, I have others." ~ Groucho Marx

by Al on Sep 8, 2008 8:06 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

We are rvoking your passport

Depsite our effrots to carry the team in your absence, it was clearly your inability to watch the games while honeymooning that resulted in this swoon (j/k)! Congrats on the wedding.

by sdurst on Sep 9, 2008 8:10 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Let the record show...

… that he’s talking to DaBard here, not me.

"That's my opinion and if you don't like it, well, I have others." ~ Groucho Marx

by Al on Sep 9, 2008 8:21 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Let me be the first to make this joke:

You should issue all of us technical balks. We have failed you, my liege. And we beg your forgiveness.

by dat cubfan daver on Sep 8, 2008 8:07 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Well, just so you know...

I have a business trip on Oct. 13. I’ll be gone overnight. Fail me again and there will be blood in the streets!

Pluto will always be a planet to me!

by DaBard on Sep 8, 2008 8:11 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Oct. 13?

Assuming you are in a city where you can watch television, you are hereby ordered to watch the game that night!

"That's my opinion and if you don't like it, well, I have others." ~ Groucho Marx

by Al on Sep 8, 2008 8:39 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

so stated, and I second that emotion.

all in favor…say AYE!

by MOCubsfan on Sep 8, 2008 8:51 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Aye!

I am reminded of one of my fraternity meetings, back when I was in college. When we got to New Business, I made a motion to declare that one of our members “sucks.”

It was the most efficient example of parliamentary procedure any of us had ever seen. The vote was almost unanimous, and it got put in the minutes and everything. That guy sucks.

Before each game, please remember to feed the bats.

by Cool Hand on Sep 8, 2008 9:35 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Aye.

"Manny Trillo is coming in to pinch run. You know, for a lot of teams, you would pinch run for Manny Trillo." - Harry Caray

by Archie on Sep 9, 2008 9:38 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Aye and arrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

by dat cubfan daver on Sep 9, 2008 9:46 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Good heavens.

That looks like a cross between the Pittsburgh Pirate logo and Yosemite Sam.

"That's my opinion and if you don't like it, well, I have others." ~ Groucho Marx

by Al on Sep 9, 2008 9:59 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

"Ya better say yer prayers, ya flea-bitten varmint, I'm a-gonna blow ya to smithereenies!"

by dat cubfan daver on Sep 9, 2008 10:06 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

this is what happened to Cap'n Crunch

when he went AWOL.

I love to play baseball. I'm a baseball player. I've always been a baseball player. I'm still a baseball player. That's who I am. - Ryne Sandberg

by Trey2317 on Sep 9, 2008 10:50 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Have you considered an annulment?

I mean really ! If it would help the Cubs turn this thing around.

by slide on Sep 8, 2008 9:32 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

I am

a divorce attorney. If this slide continues I may be forced to file on behalf of Cubs fans everywhere!

by sdurst on Sep 9, 2008 8:11 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Congrats -- and welcome back

And the Brewers immediately oblige

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! --Homer J. Simpson

by Shanghai Badger on Sep 8, 2008 10:38 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Make sure to use Bob Brenly's advice...

“Yes dear, you’re right, I’m sorry.”

Congrats :)

by cubfanwill on Sep 8, 2008 10:44 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

if I hear that one more time...

This is the time now where people that are getting the job done are the people that are going to play. Plain and simple. -- Lou

by Emelie on Sep 9, 2008 4:00 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

My wife caught on to that...

Now she says I’m just patronizing her…

Pluto will always be a planet to me!

by DaBard on Sep 9, 2008 4:08 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I'vre gone 25 years without saying those

and I AIN’T gonna start now!

"WGN, Channel 9 Cubs Baseball, Excitingly, Importantly, Dramatically Yours." - Jack Brickhouse

by BigJohnAZ on Sep 9, 2008 4:43 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Bartman has nothing on you.

Steve Bartman was blamed for the loss of merely a single game. You, my friend, could be single-handedly responsible for the implosion of an entire season. For the sake of your marriage and your own well-being, you’d better hope the Cubs come out of this funk. Otherwise, people will start to refer to your wedding like they talk about billy goats, black cats and the Bartman!

Just in case, would you post a wedding photo so that I know how to dress for halloween this year.

by dagwood on Sep 8, 2008 10:47 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Don't blame Me or Sue....we've been more than busy with our campaign.

As I've told you before, I never repeat myself.

by santoswoodenlegs on Sep 9, 2008 12:05 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Congrats!

And I second everyone above: you’re needed. no more leaving. :-)

Hey Chicago, what do ya say....

by halfblindcubbiegirl on Sep 9, 2008 12:35 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

FWIW, DaB, Mrs. Cubnational and I Just Married ..

16 years ago. We still like it. Water your garden, remember the bonds and life will be sweet. End of sermon.

We arrived in Cincy to watch the Cubs blow the lid off and destroy Cincy. The Cubs SHOULD have won Sunday .. should have .. It was in the can. Bottom line, Jason had his A Game and Kerry did not.

It will be better tonight.

Well, Next Year is here .. and Jack's century's gotta end some time .. GO CUBBIES!

by cubnational on Sep 9, 2008 8:53 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Wait...all three of you got married? What state allows three-way matrimony?

If so, is the marriage certificate for that available in hourly increments?

As I've told you before, I never repeat myself.

by santoswoodenlegs on Sep 9, 2008 10:47 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

As a candidate for president, where do you stand...

… on the subject of three-way matrimony (or menage-a-marriages, as they’re so often called)?

by dat cubfan daver on Sep 9, 2008 11:01 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

The issue of marriage is very complex.

The current debate over the various forms of marriage are often heated and emotional, but I believe there is a common ground that each point of view shares….love. Now we all can attest to the fact that love is never simple. One thing I’m proud of is that very rarely will you hear me simplify the issues. Thank You.

As I've told you before, I never repeat myself.

by santoswoodenlegs on Sep 9, 2008 11:12 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

That was a rational well-thoughtout statement. Unfortunately I have no

idea what the hell you are talking about.

"Hats for bats.....keep bats warm." - Pedro Cerrano
"Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill !!!!!!!" - Eddie Harris

by willie mays hayes' gloves on Sep 9, 2008 11:14 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

As I've told you before, I never repeat myself.

by santoswoodenlegs on Sep 9, 2008 11:17 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Oh, now I see. Makes perfect sense.

"Hats for bats.....keep bats warm." - Pedro Cerrano
"Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill !!!!!!!" - Eddie Harris

by willie mays hayes' gloves on Sep 9, 2008 11:24 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

LOL!!!

by sue369 on Sep 9, 2008 2:06 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

dude .. im not gonna make it to 17 years you keep that up

Well, Next Year is here .. and Jack's century's gotta end some time .. GO CUBBIES!

by cubnational on Sep 9, 2008 2:35 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

i hope to God my wife never sees this thread

Well, Next Year is here .. and Jack's century's gotta end some time .. GO CUBBIES!

by cubnational on Sep 9, 2008 2:30 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

This is weak, man

See, I didn’t let this happen to me. I went to 5 Cubs games on my honeymoon earlier this year. Won 5 out of 5, including the Colorado come-back game.

by sparky39762 on Sep 9, 2008 3:59 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

That is funny....

I got married on the 30th as well and just got back from Maui, and like you was only able to see the score on the bottom line. I kept telling my wife we were going to have to come home early so the Cubs wouldn’t blow this. Guess It wasn’t just my fault after all. Although my buddies kept blaming it on me. But hey the Bears and Hawkeyes won, so not all was lost. But let’s get a series win in St. Louis and get the ball going back in the right direction!!

All things great in 2008!!

by By Santo's Grace on Sep 9, 2008 4:59 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs