My clearly original take on "fixing things"
by Arbusto on May 26, 2009 8:07 AM CDT
Email
Print[Name of player] needs to go. [Player] can't [play defense/pitch/hit/is a cancer].
Curse words.
The solution is to [trade for superstar player/trade for DeRo/DFA player/call up random minor leaguer].
[Stats of problem]
[Stats of solution]
[Value of intangibles that solution brings/cost intangibles problem has].
I know some people value [x stat] but really the problem with that is it doesn't take into account [y stat] which is OBVIOUSLY better and [problem player] has a [number representing y stat], which is [below league average/0/terrible for stereotyped position of player].
[Z stat] is also good. [Solution player] has [z stat] in spades. [I choose to ignore y stat because it doesn't suit my goals or is a small sample size.]
Curse words.
If only [Jim Hendry/Lou/Coaching staff] did [their/his] job[s] we wouldn't be in this mess.
Curse words.
Other incoherent emotional mumbo-jumbo.
I will [stop watching/stop eating/drink more/throw myself off the ledge] if [Hendry/Lou] don't do as my clearly original and insightful post says they should.
Curse words.
Ron Santo for president.
Words to make this fit in as a fanpost because I think my opinion is of more value than the rules of the site. This is also a new thought nobody has had in the past week so you must all see it.
Curse words.
To be more convincing, I didn't use paragraphs.
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or Al Yellon, managing editor (unless it's a FanPost posted by Al). FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable baseball fans.
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You forgot
Tearing down Wrigley field and replacing it with a state of the art domed stadium with a jumbotron and lots of luxury
boxes in beautiful Arlington Heights.
"I daydream just like everybody else, I just do it with my body facing the field, so everybody thinks I'm paying attention."- Greg Maddux
Curse words!
You are correct – a more extreme measure is necessary than I originally thought. Maybe the Cubs and White Sox should merge?
no the Cubs should
move to Mexico City, and an expansion team should come into Chicago and play at a newly renovated Wrigley Dome
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
interesting
will have to get special permission i bet
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
Cleary
[Billionaire playboy] would be great owner in the Wrigley Dome. He was able to manage [Insert bankrupt company name] without much problems and you know he wants to win. I think they could build [New company name on stadium every year] park right by [insert some obsecure location that would take 3.5 hours to drive too no matter the traffic].
The sun will shine in '69
They could be called the Polar Bears
Get it? Because they’re white bears!!!!
Get Peavy already! I want my #44 jersey!
Snotting Coffee
Ok, As I sit at my computer screen wiping up the coffee and my cubical-mates think I’m crazy, I give you a round of applause. Nicely done!
The sun will shine in '69
Is...
[Z stat] a variable, or is it a stat put up by Z?
"You can observe a lot just by watching." ~ Yogi Berra
divided by the # of times he adjusts himself
I haz blurg: hotbeans.wordpress.com
by digitalbenjamin on May 26, 2009 10:13 AM CDT up reply actions
minus the number of
he looks flustered on the mound
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
+ [final number of Cub losses in this streak]
for making me laugh in the midst of this misery…
by CubFanInCanberra (9387milesfromWrigley) on May 26, 2009 10:10 AM CDT reply actions
Nice post
rec’d
I didn't get the players I wanted in the offseason!! Hopefully I get what I want in the Regular Season---The World Series Trophy!! Go Cubbies!!
This is the first fanpost I clicked on this morning......
very creative :)
"That's what you live for. You live for the opportunity and when that day comes, you better be ready," Soto said. "I tried to make sure that whenever they gave me a chance, I was ready and I knew I had to take advantage of the opportunity."
by Madison Cub Fan on May 26, 2009 10:30 AM CDT reply actions
let me take a stab at this
Aaron Miles needs to go. Miles can’t shuffleboard, and is a cancer due to his constant need to be reminded of the rules.
WTF< STFU< AUGH!, Akldfnd’klfcn’dnfvadsnfkl’andsfgdfa’gnf’agndfsng’
The solution is to DFA Miles and bring back Larry Bowa, since he has been a Shuffleboard Instructor in the Phillies Clubhouse, which led to their WS title last season.
Miles = Not Good at Shuffleboard + Inability to remember the rules leads to clubhouse problems.
Larry Bowa is a Shuffleboard Master, in fact he has a black belt in Chinese Checkers also.
Larry Bowa Shuffleboard + Chinese Checkers Black Belt equate to him having a +270 aKOWZR
I know some people value runs scored, but really the problem with that is it doesn’t take into account opposing pitchers toe nail length, which is OBVIOUSLY better and Miles has a -7 toe nail clipping rating according to www.aaronmilestoenailclipping.edu, which is not even close to Vitters ability currently.
Crazy Eights is also good. Miles has the Queen, King and Ace of spades. I choose to ignore Gin Rummy because it doesn’t suit my goals, is a small sample size, and it is the one area Miles excels.
WTF< STFU< AUGH!, Akldfnd’klfcn’dnfvadsnfkl’andsfgdfa’gnf’agndfsng’ (in bold to show my anger)
If only Jim Hendry did his job we wouldn’t be in this mess, because we would have Bowa instead.
WTF< STFU< AUGH!, Akldfnd’klfcn’dnfvadsnfkl’andsfgdfa’gnf’agndfsng’ (in bold AND italic to really show my anger)
When driving down the street in a canoe, if you get four flat tires, how many pancakes would it take to pump up a dog house?
I will stop watching ledge jumpers who are drinking and not eating if Hendry don’t do as my clearly original and insightful post says they should.
WTF< STFU< AUGH!, Akldfnd’klfcn’dnfvadsnfkl’andsfgdfa’gnf’agndfsng’ (in bold AND italic to really show my anger)
Bud Selig for president.
Words to make this fit in as a fanpost because I think my opinion is of more value than the rules of the site. This is also a new thought nobody has had in the past week so you must all see it.
WTF< STFU< AUGH!, Akldfnd’klfcn’dnfvadsnfkl’andsfgdfa’gnf’agndfsng’ (in bold AND italic to really show my anger)
To be more convincing, I didn’t use paragraphs, but I did make this sentence a quote to look more professional
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
by Cubbie-Tim on May 26, 2009 10:57 AM CDT reply actions 2 recs
I was eating lunch
And then stopped when you talked about toe nail clipping.
Thanks for the diet help.
Templates rule.
I've committed to tweeting about the Cubs for the rest of the season. (Does that sound as ridiculous as I think it does?) Anyway, if you're on Twitter, you can follow me here.
Use for the rest of Life
I wonder if I could use this template when dealing with my co-workers?
The sun will shine in '69
Yeah well that's all very well, but..
What you people don’t seem to realise is that [slumping player] is clearly useless. A random minor leaguer couldn’t possibly do any worse. Even you or I could do what [slumping player] does and we don’t get paid squillions of dollars to do it.
And those x stat and y stat numbers you used? Meaningless. They include numbers from the day before yesterday or even before. It’s the stats over the last [arbitrary period chosen to best support my argument] that really matter. And those stats tell me what I already knew, that [slumping player] sucks.
And this might be news to you but stats don’t tell the whole story. The fact of the matter is, every time [slumping player] comes to the plate/mound, I get really nervous/throw up in my mouth/climb out onto the nearest ledge, and so does every other true cub fan who’s not drinking koolaid. A gut instinct like that can’t be wrong, as you would know if you didn’t all spend so much time in basements.
The people who disagree with me are the same people who said we should never have got rid of [prospect who never came good] and wanted to trade for [veteran who suffered career ending injury]. You probably also thought the economy was in fine shape last year and.. ah.. remind me to think up some more devastating put downs when I have more time.
But I don’t know why I even bother spelling it all out here. Anyone who’s ever played baseball at a decent level would understand and agree with me anyway. Just because.
by simonuk on May 26, 2009 11:59 AM CDT reply actions 5 recs
rec'd LMAO
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
Yeah But
[Slumping Player] was a wasted sign when DeRo could have played that position better and [Slumping Player] was over rated anyways.
[Slumping Player] should never been signed because [insert stats so obsecure that a sabimeterics go “Huh?”] and DeRo has better [obsecure stat].
The sun will shine in '69
But looking at DeRo
[Other obscure stats that I just made up] he fails miserably. [Slumping player] is clearly only in a slump. [Other players that we all agree are superior to slumping player] all went through a slump and we gave them the benefit of the doubt. Let [slumping player] work through it.
Plus DeRo’s over his peak age of [some random year] so we can only expect them to decline and he’s going to cost [$$$$] more than [slumping player].
Now if we could only trade [random bullpen arm], [random bench player] to [some team] for [some player] we could get [Peavy/Roberts/other trades that shall not be named] from [other team] because we know they really want [some player] and not [our trade bait].
pound sand
BLou says different, no stats needed.
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
Stats can't help
Stats are over-valued. Why back in 1900 they only were concerned with Batting Average and Wins. What more do you need to know?
The sun will shine in '69
but they didnt put the information on the web
about the games, to keep the players safe from aliens
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
Agree
DeRo will hurt us because [made up stat]. I think instead of trading [hot prospect], we should bench [insert core line-up player here] and promote [hot prospect].
[Hot prospect] has been tearing the ball off the cover in [farm league system where a 82 MPH fast-ball will strike out a 3-4-5 hitter]. [Core player] is blocking [hot prospect] from his chance and even if we don’t bench [Core player] let’s move [Hot prospect] to [Insert position that is currently filled by Major League talent].
I think we can play [hot prospect] out of position, say like [filled position]. I mean defense isn’t that important. [Hot prospects] bat is worth way more than any errors he makes, I mean not everyone can be the Rays or Rangers.
The sun will shine in '69
Disagree about [hot prospect]
Remember [hot prospects that we’ve traded to the Orioles]? that’s who [hot prospect reminds me of.
[Hot prospect] has more [power/patient/speed/fruit loops] than [traded prospect now playing single A ball]
The sun will shine in '69
but
neither are the fix we need in (bullpen/middle infield/backup to 3B &SS) because their (stat that shows range/velocity/prior injuries) show them both to be wrong. We need (random name no one has mentioned before), but it doesnt matter since Lou doesnt know how to handle a (bullpen/LOOGY/bench).
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
I think we could get...
I think you right, a trade for [insert a 10-5 player here] would do great here. [Superstar]’s contract of [more money than the GDP of a thrid world country] could be taken without much problems. [10-5 player who promised not to waive clause] could be had for [insert name of some 32 y/o Double AA player and ham/turkey/cold cuts]
The sun will shine in '69
yes
but you forgot that we would need to move (player with NTC) and eat much of the player contract we are sending. We could make that happen with (name of any team) because (all players mentioned) would happily allow it to happen.
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
[relevant and funny picture here]
I haz blurg: hotbeans.wordpress.com
by digitalbenjamin on May 26, 2009 2:14 PM CDT up reply actions
Offend
Now that picture of [relevant and funny picture] had nothing to do with this discussion. It just shows how Cubs fans can not take something serious. This is why everytime [insert name of slumping player/bad pitcher] is [making millions of dollars to play a kids game], I think I am the only one who takes it serious by [climbing out on a ledge/scream at the TV which scares the heck out of my dog/throws $5000 plasma screen TV out window)!
The sun will shine in '69
[picture of gaclaudy sitting in front of the computer, only seconds old]
I haz blurg: hotbeans.wordpress.com
by digitalbenjamin on May 26, 2009 2:25 PM CDT up reply actions
picture rec'd
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
Flagging you
I am flagging that post because [it was funny and made people smile but I have a thin skin and was picked on as a child]! I hope Lou bans you for [a month/a year/till they Royals win the WS].
The sun will shine in '69
I don't know
[Player with NTC] is slumping right now. I mean look at his [insert shoe size/hat size multiplied by Batting Average divided by Homeruns times age]! We would have to eat at least [Small country’s GDP] for any team to even look at him. I think our best bet is trade [24th player on bench in Daytona] for [warm body/egg-salad sandwich/career .200 hitter]
The sun will shine in '69
interesting
(false, no stat having, no puncuation, no paragraph spacing, rant with no meaning)
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
I see your point
[Start new thread using same words from beginning except change every thrid word with curse word]
The sun will shine in '69
starts new thread
making a satire of the thread started by you, with a poll
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
New Thread
[500 people inform each of us that previous threads have been made about same thing]
The sun will shine in '69
insert
(FanPost Police Picture)
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
You all forgot this.
[Beloved ex-Cub] is gone forever. You are romanticizing the past; he will never come back even if the Cubs were the last team on Earth. Plus, [beloved ex-Cub] wasn’t all that good when he was here; he spent [x] percent of his time on the disabled list and didn’t earn the [insert ten-figure amount] contract he was given by [name of former general manager].
"You can observe a lot just by watching." ~ Yogi Berra
No No NO
[Beloved ex-Cub] still had some left in his tank for [WS push/Play-off push/Wheel-chair push]! He still could [get on base/throw strikes/Eat everything in site]. We need him back, I bet if we asked to pay him [More money than anyone that old should be getting paid to post a .186 BA or a 6.99 ERA] I bet he would come back and that would solve the problem with [patton on the roster/Sori batting lead-off/No Back-up 3B/No one hitting/the Economy]!
The sun will shine in '69
Also...
You don’t know what your talking about [Even though you have a solid base, your opinion is different than mine, so you are wrong]! Only a [insert insult here about phyiscal feature here] would say such things.
[No more info to support my opinion just make grunting noise as I scratch private areas]
The sun will shine in '69
That makes about as much sense as
any column from that [insult based on physical appearance] [curse word] [hated main-stream columnist of the day name here]
I haz blurg: hotbeans.wordpress.com
by digitalbenjamin on May 26, 2009 1:41 PM CDT up reply actions
I like Koolaide
Don't assault me and I won't assault you, because you don't know what I will, or won't, do. I'm going to end it with that. - Milton Bradley 2003 to Paul Lo Duca
by SouthsideCUBSfan on May 28, 2009 12:59 AM CDT up reply actions
I think we have summarized BCB
I think in a matter of 50 posts we have summarized a daily post on BCB.
The sun will shine in '69
If that's true
Then why are there hundreds of posts to those other threads?
Need some Worf comments in here.
We would NOT be in this slump
If we had not let Maddux walk in 1992.
"I daydream just like everybody else, I just do it with my body facing the field, so everybody thinks I'm paying attention."- Greg Maddux
+2023 (1992+31)
I haz blurg: hotbeans.wordpress.com
by digitalbenjamin on May 26, 2009 3:03 PM CDT up reply actions
but DeRosa.....
sarcasm
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
(que Peavy thread)
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
no Brian Roberts
Pre-Dates Peavy on that.
"I daydream just like everybody else, I just do it with my body facing the field, so everybody thinks I'm paying attention."- Greg Maddux
by Doggie Stalker on May 26, 2009 3:38 PM CDT up reply actions
He that name shall not be spoken?
If we could only have traded [x] to get him!
1) Sori would be not be batting lead-off
2) DeRo would be our SS
3) Peavy would be our Ace
4) Lee could still nail homers every bat
5) We would have been WS defending Champs right now
6) The house market would not have collapsed
What else would have happened if Henry would have trade for him!
The sun will shine in '69
Who is this DeRosa Guy?
I might have seen a thread about him once on this site but what can you tell me about him?
The sun will shine in '69
I believe he is a restaurant owner
I haz blurg: hotbeans.wordpress.com
by digitalbenjamin on May 26, 2009 4:31 PM CDT up reply actions
Where's that place
$8.99 for a Sirloin Buffet? Where is this place at? I smell a road trip!
The sun will shine in '69
do you mean Ponderosa
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
[Amen Brother/ Down from the Mountain Top to Sweet Lou's Ear/Welcome to the Pantheon of Knowledgible Posters ]
Glad someone else finally gets it! I have endeavored to raise the level of discourse on this board, to no avail.
Since I [played college ball/ am a die hard fan of many years/ can pretend because I’m anonymous on the internet] my baseball acumen is far superior than [sabermagicians/ "back of the bubblegum card" crowd / no one- it’s imaginary].
Yet the BCB braintrust refuses to acknowledge that I am right when I say [Pitching is king/ Talented Player’s Name Here is a guess hitting hack and personal stats whore/ mambochicken-drewishdrewid- or sackings is mambochicken-drewishdrewid- or sackings]
What Sweet Lou needs to do is [get Hendry to reacquire Felix Pie and bench him because he will never hit Major league pitching/ pull the plug on the horribly exposed Whoever isn’t hitting now/ make Scales magically transmogrify into Mark Derosa ]
I can no longer go without saying [Crikey/ Lord, I apologize and be there for the pygmies in New Guinea/ Heavens to mergatroid ].
Before any of my persistent critics pees his pants or drops their sliderule let me just say [pound sand/ reading is fundamental/ you’re an odd duck ]
[BlueMike/ MDBNIU/ Blou/ NextUsernameAfterImBannedAgain]
"Baseball is like church- many attend, few understand." ~ Leo Durocher
no evidence needed but
Player x, y & z I think use to take ‘roids that is why they aren’t playing as good anymore.
"That's what you live for. You live for the opportunity and when that day comes, you better be ready," Soto said. "I tried to make sure that whenever they gave me a chance, I was ready and I knew I had to take advantage of the opportunity."
by Madison Cub Fan on May 26, 2009 5:21 PM CDT reply actions
There is already X posts on this topic
[Insert huffy and condescending comment about OP]
Please read the previous threads before posting. Thx.
"This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here." --Michael Scott
I love mad lib posts
I think you’re missing the essential point that [Player X]‘s stats, whether x, y or z don’t tell the whole story. Small sample size! We have to play [insert number of games] before those stats are relevant.
Plus, [Player X] had a [career year/injury plagued] in [insert year] and has been on the [rise/decline] ever since.
Funny post and the comments complete it nicely!
It’s too late for me to even try, but I have to say-
I notice SOME posters who often have a lot to say didn’t chime in here——no sense of humor about themselves?
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