Lillyisms
by lswaidz on Jun 7, 2009 8:09 PM CDT
166 comments
With Ted Lilly starting our next game after the off day, and the fact we've had a hellaciously frustrating run of a few extra-inning games... I thought I'd lighten things up a bit, and give us all a reason to hit BCB over the next 2 days.
So you've all seen the Chuck Norris Facts... but little do the publishers and followers of that internet fad know... Chuck ain't got s**t on Ted. So let's loosen things up a bit and post out favorite "Lillyism." Major respect for the best of the best, and let's go Cubs :-)
For reference: http://tedlillyfanclub.blogspot.com/
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or Al Yellon, managing editor (unless it's a FanPost posted by Al). FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable baseball fans.
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I'll start :-)
Ted Lilly once lost a no-no in the top of the ninth… the resulting explosion of anger single-handedly caused the stock market to crash. Fans were so upset the period was later nicknamed “the Great Depression.” He did go on to win 39 games during that year.
by lswaidz on Jun 7, 2009 8:12 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly once reversed time
by throwing a six-to-twelve curveball.
"I'll never forget how I felt last October." ~Kosuke Fukudome
by Goodie1969 on Jun 7, 2009 8:42 PM CDT reply actions 6 recs
+10
"If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, 'Sorry, Mom,' but nobody beats me." ~ Leo Durocher
by Musicdude10 on Jun 14, 2009 4:27 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Beneath Chuck Norris' beard
is Ted Lilly.
I'm a Cubs FANATIC. They are my team, through thick and thin. When they play over their heads, and when they play under the gutter. When they win the division, and then get swept in the division series. When they get no-hitters and when they blow no-hitters. And some day, when they go all the way and get those rings. This is the kind of fan I am.
by drewishdrewid on Jun 7, 2009 8:45 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly
Ted Lilly writes all the great TV shows and allows people he likes to use their own names to disguise his genius.
He writes “bones”, “House”, the “Law and Order” shows and such and he only allows shows like “according to Jim” because it’s badness clearly shows his brilliance.
Jay is our Quarterback. I REPEAT JAY IS OUR QUARTERBACK. Did I mention we have a Quarterback who happens to be named Jay?.
by cubstoseriesby100 on Jun 7, 2009 9:03 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
The secret is
Ted Lilly made the Jay Cutler trade happen. He let Jerry Angelo take the credit,
Jay is our Quarterback. I REPEAT JAY IS OUR QUARTERBACK. Did I mention we have a Quarterback who happens to be named Jay?.
by cubstoseriesby100 on Jun 7, 2009 9:04 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
That trade...
has yet to yield a verdict.
Free Ronny Cedeno
by Kansas25 on Jun 7, 2009 9:47 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly has 4 tears in his lifetime.
They are known as the Pacific Ocean, the Atlantic ocean, the Indian Ocean, and the Arctic Ocean.
by Poloplaya14 on Jun 7, 2009 9:05 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly once visited the US Virgin Islands
they are now known as the US Islands
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
by Cubbie-Tim on Jun 7, 2009 9:16 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Ted Lilly doesnt give up Home Runs
The Ball is simply running away
Okay, just so I understand it... in your wildest fantasy, you are in hell. And you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil.
by bren on Jun 7, 2009 9:16 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly is an unstoppable force.
There is no immovable object. There’s only Molina.
I'm a Cubs FANATIC. They are my team, through thick and thin. When they play over their heads, and when they play under the gutter. When they win the division, and then get swept in the division series. When they get no-hitters and when they blow no-hitters. And some day, when they go all the way and get those rings. This is the kind of fan I am.
by drewishdrewid on Jun 7, 2009 9:16 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly actually does bleed cubbie blue
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
by Cubbie-Tim on Jun 7, 2009 9:18 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Ted Lilly
was once thrown out of a game he didn’t start. In the American League.
by hmlee on Jun 7, 2009 9:19 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Ted Lilly explains why he did not slide into Molina
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdEvozco9-c
Posted before but my favorite off field Lilly moment.
"I daydream just like everybody else, I just do it with my body facing the field, so everybody thinks I'm paying attention."- Greg Maddux
by Doggie Stalker on Jun 7, 2009 9:28 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I love Ted
but the camera in this makes me feel like I’m having a seizure.
There is no infinity button for failing in sports. At some point, things turn. They always do. - Bill Simmons
by Allie on Jun 8, 2009 3:42 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
True but it is the only clip of that
That “punch line” is priceless.
"I daydream just like everybody else, I just do it with my body facing the field, so everybody thinks I'm paying attention."- Greg Maddux
by Doggie Stalker on Jun 8, 2009 3:51 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
It was really funny
I had to switch tabs and just listen. :-P
There is no infinity button for failing in sports. At some point, things turn. They always do. - Bill Simmons
by Allie on Jun 8, 2009 3:55 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly
Could do Jack Bauer’s work in 12 hours and then win his game that night.
by ak123 on Jun 7, 2009 10:22 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
When Ted Lilly is around
Most of BCB can’t help but be on their best behavior.
by ak123 on Jun 7, 2009 10:23 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I'll give you points for cleverness on that one.
"That's what you live for. You live for the opportunity and when that day comes, you better be ready," Soto said. "I tried to make sure that whenever they gave me a chance, I was ready and I knew I had to take advantage of the opportunity."
by Madison Cub Fan on Jun 7, 2009 10:34 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly stared at Blou
Who promptly wrote a post apologizing to Zambrano, Hendry, Dempster , Gregg, Heilman etc and asking Hendry to bring back Murton.
"I daydream just like everybody else, I just do it with my body facing the field, so everybody thinks I'm paying attention."- Greg Maddux
by Doggie Stalker on Jun 7, 2009 11:25 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
LOL
Do you know how badly I wanted to use his name in my post? I decided to be a little more mature and just generalize it.
by ak123 on Jun 8, 2009 8:13 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
His stare said volumes about power pitching as well.
by leothelip on Jun 8, 2009 8:58 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
You are better man than I
Gunga Din.
I am just not that mature.
"I daydream just like everybody else, I just do it with my body facing the field, so everybody thinks I'm paying attention."- Greg Maddux
by Doggie Stalker on Jun 8, 2009 10:05 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
The Cy Young award...
Was once changed to the Ted Lilly award, but was quickly changed back after it was realized no one deserved to win it.
Someday we'll go all the way...
by CubsBullsBears on Jun 7, 2009 10:39 PM CDT reply actions 2 recs
Excellent
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! --Homer J. Simpson
by Shanghai Badger on Jun 7, 2009 10:46 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly Can See You.
"I'll never forget how I felt last October." ~Kosuke Fukudome
by Goodie1969 on Jun 7, 2009 10:46 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly can hear "Surfin' Bird" and not get it stuck in his head.
That is, if he doesn’t kill the man attempting to sing/play/interpret it through dance.
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. - Dave Barry
by zm1217 on Jun 7, 2009 10:50 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Lillyism
Ted Lilly once spiked a curve ball in the dirt, that caused an earthquake on the other side of the Earth.
Get Peavy already! I want my #44 jersey!
by Cub Style on Jun 7, 2009 10:51 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I thought that created the San Andreas Fault?
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. - Dave Barry
by zm1217 on Jun 7, 2009 10:51 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
-Ted Lilly doesn’t trot around the bases after a home run, the basepaths just move under his feet.
-Ted Lilly regularly steals first base, then continues to steal second, third, and home all on the same play.
-Ted Lilly turns unassisted triple plays with no runners on base.
-Ted Lilly hits a walk-off grand slams to lead off games.
-Ted Lilly’s batting average, fielding percentage, and winning percentage are all 1.500.
-When Ted Lilly gets jammed on an inside pitch, the bat doesn’t break; the ball does.
-Ted Lilly’s name is on the back of his jersey and on the front.
-Ted Lilly’s uniform number is infinity.
-After Ted Lilly takes batting practice, astronomers halfway around the world usually report heavy meteor showers.
-Ted Lilly is frequently called on to pitch in relief of himself.
by grathanial on Jun 7, 2009 10:51 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
hmmm... I recognize these...
One more: Ted Lilly makes a habit of striking out the side on one pitch.
This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.
by tibbelkrunk on Jun 10, 2009 12:39 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly occasionally likes to show off his ability to morph the laws of physics by throwing a six-to-twelve curveball.
by grathanial on Jun 7, 2009 10:56 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
In Hell, every team faces Ted Lilly. 9 innings. 162 games. Enjoy
Ted Lilly doesn’t throw curves or sliders. The laws of physics and aerodynamics as we know them simply bend to his will.
Other teams do not have rosters. Just a list of players Ted Lilly allows to live.
by grathanial on Jun 7, 2009 10:58 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly routinely strikes out batters on 2 pitches.
When Ted Lilly lifts weights in the clubhouse, he makes the machines stronger.
by grathanial on Jun 7, 2009 11:01 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly once threw a fastball above 90 MPH
Investigations would later accredit this pitch to a man named “Chuck Yeager,” however Cubs’ fans know the truth
by lswaidz on Jun 7, 2009 11:20 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
When Ted Lilly intentionally throws a batter, the umpire throws the batter out of the game.
"Hats for bats.....keep bats warm." - Pedro Cerrano
"Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill !!!!!!!" - Eddie Harris
by willie mays hayes' gloves on Jun 8, 2009 12:11 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Unless the umpire is Jim Wolff . . .
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! --Homer J. Simpson
by Shanghai Badger on Jun 8, 2009 11:20 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Dolphins want to swim with Ted Lilly...
Lou Brown: "My kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team..."
by ballhawk on Jun 8, 2009 1:05 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
It's common knowledge the moon causes this tides
This is, however, not true. Tides are in direct correlation to Ted Lilly’s 12-6 curve ball, and rise and fall as it breaks. To this day he denies any involvement in a certain “side session” that led to Hurricane Katrina and Rita during a trip to Houston.
by lswaidz on Jun 8, 2009 9:30 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly has cursed the Cubs attempts to win a championship...
so that he can pitch a complete game shutout in game 7 of the World Series.
Way back... outta here!!!
by Chubby Hugs on Jun 8, 2009 9:45 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Guys
Guys a sincere and honest thank you. This has been a very tough day for me which will be even tougher. I have rarely needed a laugh as much as I do today and I am laughing so hard tears are streaming down my face.
Jay is our Quarterback. I REPEAT JAY IS OUR QUARTERBACK. Did I mention we have a Quarterback who happens to be named Jay?.
by cubstoseriesby100 on Jun 8, 2009 10:22 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly
Ted Lilly is Good Rex. He just wears a clever disguise.
Jay is our Quarterback. I REPEAT JAY IS OUR QUARTERBACK. Did I mention we have a Quarterback who happens to be named Jay?.
by cubstoseriesby100 on Jun 8, 2009 10:23 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Do you compare Cub
players to the Bear’s players on the Bears blog as much as you use Bear’s players on here?
by sue369 on Jun 10, 2009 11:11 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
the people
the people that want to trade Brian Urlacher are the same people that want to replace Derrek Lee with a 29 year old rookie! ;-)
Lou Brown: "My kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team..."
by ballhawk on Jun 10, 2009 12:38 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly is actually a right handed pitcher
MLB makes him pitch lefty to keep things fair for hitters.
Ted’s blood is also a known PED, which is why he has chosen to no longer bleed.
Just say no to players named Aaron on the Cubs.
by nji232 on Jun 8, 2009 11:01 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Ted Lilly can divide infinity by zero.
Also, don’t feed Ted Lilly after midnight… just don’t do it.
by lswaidz on Jun 8, 2009 11:09 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ha
Don’t get him wet either.
Andy R.
by WindisBlowingOut! on Jun 8, 2009 6:41 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Charlie Grimm was walking around heaven last week
When he saw someone with a #30 Cubs jersey. He asked an angel what happened to Ted Lilly. The angel said, “Oh, that’s God. He only thinks He’s Ted Lilly.”
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! --Homer J. Simpson
by Shanghai Badger on Jun 8, 2009 11:22 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly beat the sun in a staring contest
Ted Lilly is not politically correct. He is just correct. Always.
Ted Lilly’s pulse is measured on the Richter scale.
Light travels at the speed of Ted Lilly.
Time waits for Ted Lilly.
Ted let the dogs out- do you have a problem with that?
Ted Lilly could build Rome in a day.
When Ted does division there is no remainder- ever.
There is no such thing as global warming. Ted Lilly was cold, so he turned the sun up.
"Baseball is like church- many attend, few understand." ~ Leo Durocher
by The Lip on Jun 8, 2009 11:29 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
When the Cubs
play interleague play, Ted Lilly is the DH for himself and every other pitcher on the staff.
by hmlee on Jun 8, 2009 11:41 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly...
Ted Lilly is actually righthanded. He pitches with his left because otherwise it would just be unfair.
Ladies and gentlemen! It's 1985 all over again, but this time the offense goes to hell!
by Ross on Jun 8, 2009 11:46 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Not discouraging this Fanpost in any way...
…but, just for historical purposes, I’d point out that we’ve been here before. (Props to Digib…eh, I mean, digitalbenjamin.)
Ted Lilly doesn’t mind repetition – but only as long as it involves his fist and an opponent’s face.
I've committed to tweeting about the Cubs for the rest of the season. (Does that sound as ridiculous as I think it does?) Anyway, if you're on Twitter, you can follow me here.
by dat cubfan daver on Jun 8, 2009 12:03 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
The last person
that Ted Lilly allowed to see a micron of his greatness was HWSNBN
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
by copes006 on Jun 8, 2009 12:12 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly once kicked Bill Brasky's ass
Right after he beat The Most Interesting Man in the World at arm wrestling. And surfing. And synchronized nuclear warhead defusing while scuba diving with sharks (SNWDWSDWS… it’s real, Ted Lilly invented it, by the way)
by lswaidz on Jun 8, 2009 12:29 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
This one time I was toasting Bill Brasky in a bar...
…when Ted Lilly came in. Ol’ Ted shattered a Bud Light bottle over the bartender’s head, shoved it through my spleen and then surgically repaired my organ damage with the laser beams in his eyes. We spent the rest of the night dropping Jaeger Bombs and selling faulty shower curtain rings to Cardinals fans. Best night of my life, I tell ya…
I've committed to tweeting about the Cubs for the rest of the season. (Does that sound as ridiculous as I think it does?) Anyway, if you're on Twitter, you can follow me here.
by dat cubfan daver on Jun 8, 2009 12:35 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Every time a bell rings, Ted Lilly decides which angel gets his wings.
"Hats for bats.....keep bats warm." - Pedro Cerrano
"Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill !!!!!!!" - Eddie Harris
by willie mays hayes' gloves on Jun 8, 2009 2:07 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly is an island.
"Hats for bats.....keep bats warm." - Pedro Cerrano
"Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill !!!!!!!" - Eddie Harris
by willie mays hayes' gloves on Jun 8, 2009 2:07 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly will give the eulogy at his own funeral.
by lswaidz on Jun 8, 2009 2:19 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly will not have a funeral.
The universe will end before Ted Lilly does.
by Poloplaya14 on Jun 8, 2009 8:32 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Very good point, my bad.
Especially considering Ted Lilly created the universe, and he decides when it ends.
by lswaidz on Jun 8, 2009 11:00 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly lives vicariously through himself.
"Every player should be accorded the privilege of at least one season with the Chicago Cubs. That's baseball as it should be played - in God's own sunshine. And that's really living." - Alvin Dark
by Fishbone2 on Jun 8, 2009 2:19 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly invented fire. And the wheel.
He also invented a better mouse trap.
by lswaidz on Jun 8, 2009 2:20 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
It's rumored Wilt Chamberlain slept with 20,000 women...
Ted Lilly considers this a “slow” Tuesday.
by lswaidz on Jun 8, 2009 2:26 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
this is the best one
Just say no to players named Aaron on the Cubs.
by nji232 on Jun 8, 2009 2:28 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Not to Mrs. Lilly
"I daydream just like everybody else, I just do it with my body facing the field, so everybody thinks I'm paying attention."- Greg Maddux
by Doggie Stalker on Jun 8, 2009 2:47 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Which one?
Ladies and gentlemen! It's 1985 all over again, but this time the offense goes to hell!
by Ross on Jun 8, 2009 3:50 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly
doesn’t need to worry about stolen bases. He just looks at the runner and they go into their dugout.
by hmlee on Jun 8, 2009 2:40 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
The "balk" was invented to combat the serious disparity between Ted Lilly's curve ball and batters ability.
by lswaidz on Jun 8, 2009 3:41 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly once balked...
At the idea of ever balking.
Someday we'll go all the way...
by CubsBullsBears on Jun 8, 2009 4:25 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly
I've committed to tweeting about the Cubs for the rest of the season. (Does that sound as ridiculous as I think it does?) Anyway, if you're on Twitter, you can follow me here.
by dat cubfan daver on Jun 8, 2009 4:37 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Well he could kill a man & seduce a woman with those eyes.
"That's what you live for. You live for the opportunity and when that day comes, you better be ready," Soto said. "I tried to make sure that whenever they gave me a chance, I was ready and I knew I had to take advantage of the opportunity."
by Madison Cub Fan on Jun 8, 2009 5:36 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I will attest to the 2nd part.
( in theory anyway).
"I daydream just like everybody else, I just do it with my body facing the field, so everybody thinks I'm paying attention."- Greg Maddux
by Doggie Stalker on Jun 8, 2009 6:56 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
On days Ted Lilly starts, he is not on a pitch count.
The pitches are on a Lilly count.
(FACT: The song “Hey Bulldog” by the Beatles is actually about Ted Lilly’s bad-assness, but it had to be removed from the theatrical release of the movie “Yellow Submarine” after it made the heads of the audience members explode.)
Judd Sirott is painful.
Bradley watch -- out 13 games of 54
by znohitter on Jun 8, 2009 7:45 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
John Lennon wrote "Helter Skelter"...
…after a particularly strong dose of LSD enabled him to foresee Ted Lilly’s birth.
I've committed to tweeting about the Cubs for the rest of the season. (Does that sound as ridiculous as I think it does?) Anyway, if you're on Twitter, you can follow me here.
by dat cubfan daver on Jun 9, 2009 3:03 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
On the fifth day, God said "Let there be Ted"
It better happen...
by Chicago White Sux on Jun 8, 2009 7:53 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
On the sixth day, God created Ted's curve
On the seventh day Ted struck out God looking, sending him back to the bench, defeated. This is why we pray to God on Sunday’s… that curve is just unreal.
by lswaidz on Jun 8, 2009 11:02 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Do you mean to tell me that Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?
"Hats for bats.....keep bats warm." - Pedro Cerrano
"Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill !!!!!!!" - Eddie Harris
by willie mays hayes' gloves on Jun 8, 2009 11:12 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Cripes Harris...
let’s not start a Holy War.
"Every player should be accorded the privilege of at least one season with the Chicago Cubs. That's baseball as it should be played - in God's own sunshine. And that's really living." - Alvin Dark
by Fishbone2 on Jun 9, 2009 8:39 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid.
I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
"Hats for bats.....keep bats warm." - Pedro Cerrano
"Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill !!!!!!!" - Eddie Harris
by willie mays hayes' gloves on Jun 9, 2009 9:20 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Up yer butt, Jobu
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! --Homer J. Simpson
by Shanghai Badger on Jun 9, 2009 9:32 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Yo Bartender...
Jobu needs a refill!
"Every player should be accorded the privilege of at least one season with the Chicago Cubs. That's baseball as it should be played - in God's own sunshine. And that's really living." - Alvin Dark
by Fishbone2 on Jun 9, 2009 9:33 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
F@ck you, Jobu
I do it myself. And StateFarm.
I'm a Cubs FANATIC. They are my team, through thick and thin. When they play over their heads, and when they play under the gutter. When they win the division, and then get swept in the division series. When they get no-hitters and when they blow no-hitters. And some day, when they go all the way and get those rings. This is the kind of fan I am.
by drewishdrewid on Jun 9, 2009 9:36 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Is very bad to steal Jobu's rum. Is very bad.
"Hats for bats.....keep bats warm." - Pedro Cerrano
"Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill !!!!!!!" - Eddie Harris
by willie mays hayes' gloves on Jun 9, 2009 9:53 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
You put SNOT on the ball???
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! --Homer J. Simpson
by Shanghai Badger on Jun 9, 2009 10:12 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I haven't got an arm like yours.
I got to put anything on it I can find. Someday you will too.
"Every player should be accorded the privilege of at least one season with the Chicago Cubs. That's baseball as it should be played - in God's own sunshine. And that's really living." - Alvin Dark
by Fishbone2 on Jun 9, 2009 10:42 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Harris winds,
K-Y ball…
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! --Homer J. Simpson
by Shanghai Badger on Jun 9, 2009 11:31 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I only got one thing to say to you...(TBS version)
Strike this guyyyyyyyy out!
by Don't Fear the Reaper on Jun 10, 2009 11:05 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
That's the best
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! --Homer J. Simpson
by Shanghai Badger on Jun 11, 2009 9:00 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
On the 7th day, God rest
Lilly has never rested, even as a baby, although he never was a baby.
by BucknerKongCardenal on Jun 9, 2009 10:45 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
i thought on the first day
Lilly created God, so that Lilly could concentrate on his curveball
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
by Cubbie-Tim on Jun 10, 2009 4:43 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lillys full name is Theodore Roosevelt Lilly. The president Theodore Roosevelt
was named after the great Ted Lilly.
by kid burris on Jun 8, 2009 10:34 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Interestingly enough...
Mother Theresa, Mahatma Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Albert Einstein are all named after (and fathered by) Ted Lilly.
by lswaidz on Jun 8, 2009 11:05 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Again
Again guys and girls yesterday was a very hard day for me. Got some medium bad health news. I needed a laugh and almost fell off my chair literally reading this. I know this thread wasn’t started with the thought “Letsmake cts laugh” but you managed.
Jay is our Quarterback. I REPEAT JAY IS OUR QUARTERBACK. Did I mention we have a Quarterback who happens to be named Jay?.
by cubstoseriesby100 on Jun 9, 2009 6:41 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Take care!
Get well soon!
by Ghost of Fred Merkle on Jun 9, 2009 11:26 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Every night before he goes to sleep,
Yadier Molina checks under his bed for Ted Lilly.
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." ~ Frank Sinatra
by DMCub on Jun 9, 2009 8:26 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I believe that to be true. Maybe all the Molina brothers actually do
"That's what you live for. You live for the opportunity and when that day comes, you better be ready," Soto said. "I tried to make sure that whenever they gave me a chance, I was ready and I knew I had to take advantage of the opportunity."
by Madison Cub Fan on Jun 9, 2009 10:49 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
+100
"If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, 'Sorry, Mom,' but nobody beats me." ~ Leo Durocher
by Musicdude10 on Jun 15, 2009 2:27 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I heard the night after Lilly crashed into him
The three Molina brothers stood shoulder to shoulder in a circle with their catcher’s gear on, offering sacrifices to the baseball gods, wondering what they had done to make them angry
"If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, 'Sorry, Mom,' but nobody beats me." ~ Leo Durocher
by Musicdude10 on Jun 15, 2009 2:28 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Bulldog Lilly
One of my favorite moments of this past weekend, was during Saturday’s batting practice in Cinci.
As Lilly ran by us, my 8 year old son yelled in his sweetest southern accent “You’re a bulldog, Mr. Lilly.” Mr. Lilly smirked before returned to his focused stone face.
by Ghost of Fred Merkle on Jun 9, 2009 11:27 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Lilly doesn't smirk.
Smirks cower in fear of Ted Lilly.
"You can observe a lot just by watching." ~ Yogi Berra
by Al on Jun 9, 2009 1:24 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly doesn't do push ups
He pushed the earth down.
by Hawk8 on Jun 9, 2009 3:26 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly once beat Chuck Norris to death with a Total Gym
Unfortunately, Chuck Norris, like Ted Lilly, is immortal they soon become fast friends. They often mutter the phrase “wonder twin powers, activate.” The exact meaning and affect of this remains unknown.
by lswaidz on Jun 9, 2009 5:06 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Chuck Norris
is now part of Ted Lilly’s wolfpack
Is that really a Hatori Hansu bat?
by Hey Moe on Jun 10, 2009 1:22 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly can't cure the blind
But even someone who can’t see would be able to read this forum about his amazing abilities,
by ak123 on Jun 9, 2009 6:34 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
In his spare time
In his spare time Ted Lilly solves crimes. He just gives the police the credit.
Jay is our Quarterback. I REPEAT JAY IS OUR QUARTERBACK. Did I mention we have a Quarterback who happens to be named Jay?.
by cubstoseriesby100 on Jun 9, 2009 8:08 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I haz blurg: hotbeans.wordpress.com
by digitalbenjamin on Jun 10, 2009 8:25 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Holidy Inn Express asks if they can stay at Ted Lilly's house.
"Hats for bats.....keep bats warm." - Pedro Cerrano
"Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill !!!!!!!" - Eddie Harris
by willie mays hayes' gloves on Jun 10, 2009 10:01 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly
uses a live rattlesnake as a condom.
by Don't Fear the Reaper on Jun 10, 2009 11:06 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Ouch!!!!!
"Hats for bats.....keep bats warm." - Pedro Cerrano
"Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill !!!!!!!" - Eddie Harris
by willie mays hayes' gloves on Jun 10, 2009 11:07 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly can
pitch a complete game shutout in 1 inning.
by Don't Fear the Reaper on Jun 10, 2009 11:08 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
from the bleachers
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
by Cubbie-Tim on Jun 10, 2009 4:45 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
of a different ballpark.
Andy R.
by WindisBlowingOut! on Jun 11, 2009 9:52 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
In another country.
"I daydream just like everybody else, I just do it with my body facing the field, so everybody thinks I'm paying attention."- Greg Maddux
by Doggie Stalker on Jun 11, 2009 10:08 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
In the Eastern Hemisphere
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! --Homer J. Simpson
by Shanghai Badger on Jun 11, 2009 10:49 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Against Martians.
BSG Girls = Cubs Win! So say we all.
by neverAcquiesce on Jun 11, 2009 11:02 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
with his eyes closed
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
by Cubbie-Tim on Jun 11, 2009 11:08 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
and both arms tied behind his back
Lou Brown: "My kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team..."
by ballhawk on Jun 11, 2009 11:42 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
With Bob Davidson umpiring
( we have to make it REALLY hard)
"I daydream just like everybody else, I just do it with my body facing the field, so everybody thinks I'm paying attention."- Greg Maddux
by Doggie Stalker on Jun 11, 2009 12:44 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
with Ol Pete
blogging about him
baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out
by Cubbie-Tim on Jun 11, 2009 5:59 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
On a little league field
"If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, 'Sorry, Mom,' but nobody beats me." ~ Leo Durocher
by Musicdude10 on Jun 15, 2009 2:31 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
After
Ted Lilly gets his 512th win at the age of 53, 14 inning no hitter, only hitting 49 year old Albert Pujols 5 times, Ted Lilly will retire. He will then run a marthon every week till the age of 103 for charity.
"Have You heard of the Boom on Mizar 5?"
by Grockcubs on Jun 10, 2009 11:58 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
If you place a phonograph needle on Ted Lilly's nipple . . .
You will hear “Pet Sounds”.
by Icefishy on Jun 10, 2009 12:06 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
His other nipple plays "Machine Head."
Judd Sirott is painful.
Bradley watch -- out 13 games of 54
by znohitter on Jun 10, 2009 7:53 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Lance Berkman ran into the dugout
not out of fear of the lightning, but out of fear, and I quote, “of what Ted Lilly would do next!”
BSG Girls = Cubs Win! So say we all.
by neverAcquiesce on Jun 10, 2009 12:43 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly has Yadier Molina's head stuffed and mounted above his mantle.
His smoking jacket is made of unicorn fur and his slippers are genuine liger-skin.
BSG Girls = Cubs Win! So say we all.
by neverAcquiesce on Jun 10, 2009 12:49 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly
Killed the dinosaurs. A T-Rex dropped his curveball creating a huge crater. The dirt from the crater blocked the sun—killing the dinosaurs and repaying the T-Rex for dropping the pitch in the first place. Also, he was tired of stepping in dino droppings.
Time is an illusion--lunch time doubly so.
by snowyman28 on Jun 10, 2009 5:08 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Wow
I laughed at this post so much my wife actually wanted to start reading BCB, way to grow the BCB family, LMAO.
Hector Villanueva ate himself out of the big leagues, He was a Big Big leaguer
by Adam Uhlhorn on Jun 10, 2009 11:38 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
It's no coincidence
that the flower of choice at a funeral is a lily.
Linus: Life is rarely all one way, Charlie Brown. You win some, you lose some. Charlie Brown: Really? Gee, that'd be neat.
by CyberCyclist on Jun 11, 2009 7:25 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
win
I haz blurg: hotbeans.wordpress.com
by digitalbenjamin on Jun 12, 2009 11:23 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Keyser Soze
from the Usual Suspects was based on Ted Lilly.
by Championship Vinyl on Jun 11, 2009 3:42 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Sliced bread is actually the best thing since Ted Lilly.
Ted Lilly was in a movie series with Tom Cruise. They had to change it to Mission Really Easy.
Ted Lilly’s bobblehead is projected to go first overall in next years draft.
Ted Lilly once hit a 450 foot home run. When asked about it he replied that he was trying to bunt.
String Theory was inspired from an attempt to calculate Ted Lilly’s WARP
Ted Lilly can touch MC Hammer. Usually for a Grand Slam.
Ted Lilly knew I was writing this post before I even started typing
Joe Morgan actually does research before talking about Ted Lilly.
Ted Lilly picked himself to be his own best man. No one else was possible.
The average room contains 2,526 things Ted Lilly can strike you out with. One of them is the room itself.
Ted Lilly is the only person to leave Peter Gammons speechless
Ted Lilly once stole first.
Over Ted Lilly’s career, his OBSR is .451. OBSR, or Opposing Batters Spontaneous Retirement, was conceived after batters started refusing to face him
A cubs game was once PPD because of a possible thunder shower. It was just Ted Lilly warming up.
Ted Lilly gets intentionally walked on one pitch as to not waste his time
When life hands Ted Lilly lemons, he strikes you out looking.
Ted Lilly only had two hits the other day, on the billboard top 40 chart. He went 4 for 4 in the game.
Ted Lilly is stuck in MLB due to a lack of a higher league
Ted Lilly beat cancer. With a bat. Seriously, there is no more cancer
Ted Lilly through at Bears practice the other day. Brian Urlacher attempted to intercept one of the passes. Doctors says Urlacher will regain full use of his hands, someday
Ted Lilly once sold Billy Mays
Alfonso Soriano was once intentionally walked because the pitcher still hadn’t calmed down from Ted Lilly’s stare.
Ted Lilly over through catcher. The ball traveled 25,000 miles and he picked the runner off at second.
Ted Lilly is so good his intangibles are tangible.
Ted Lilly threw a bullpen session today. There were no survivors
Albert Pujols’ mother drafted Ted Lilly first overall in this years fantasy draft
All 86 episodes of The Sopranos were based on Ted Lilly’s first day at college. You don’t want to know what happened on the first day
When Pope John Paul II died, Ted Lilly was offered the position but turned it down. It pushed his “Times during down Pope hood” streak to 11
Ted Lilly once called time out. Every clock in the world stopped.
Ted Lilly drummed for Spinal Tap and lived to tell about it
Ted Lilly can switch hit for power from all five sides of the plate
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the T-Rex was not chasing the jeep. Ted Lilly was chasing the T-Rex
Ted Lilly once struck out the side. While warming up before the game
Ted Lilly has a key to the batters box
Ted Lilly signed autographs for 6000 people today with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread
Ted Lilly once hit a ball into McCovey cove. They were playing at Shea.
Los Cachorros!
by Laven on Jun 11, 2009 10:48 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Those were good but I want to hi lite the one of yours that I thought was hand down your best
Joe Morgan actually does research before talking about Ted Lilly.
"That's what you live for. You live for the opportunity and when that day comes, you better be ready," Soto said. "I tried to make sure that whenever they gave me a chance, I was ready and I knew I had to take advantage of the opportunity."
by Madison Cub Fan on Jun 11, 2009 11:51 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly is Al. He just hired an actor to play Al to hide his secret identity.
The real reason we rarely see Al in game threads is if he only was gone when he pitches as his alter ego is that would get suspicious.
Yes I write fluffy fanfiction. I said it. If you want to read some email me for where it is.
by cubstoseriesby100 on Jun 12, 2009 5:35 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
CNNSI.COM - Lillyisms in the Power Rankings
Can someone tell the guy doing the Power Rankings there that it’s “Bleed Cubbie Blue”?
Chicago Cubs
Awesome Teds in baseball history: Hall of Famers Williams and Lyons. Awesomely named Teds in baseball history: Savage and Power. Awesome, and awesomely named Teds this season: Lilly. At least for the fans over at Bleeding Cubbie Blue, who have adopted “Lillyisms” to salute their new hero. The blog Bleeding Cubbie Blue has a poll asking fans to rate Lilly and eight percent think he’s a “god among men,” but only six percent think he’s merely “awesome.” With 64 percent, the leading response is “words have not been invented to describe his badassness.” All this for a 7-4 pitcher with a 3.00 ERA. I can think of a few words to describe him so far: good. Above-average. Consistent. Impressive. And some words for all his new fans out there: relax. It’s early. And: Zambrano’s better. Great name, though.
by jpkohler on Jun 12, 2009 12:22 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
- Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
- Germans?
- Forget it, he's rolling.
by Endrick on Jun 12, 2009 1:01 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
grrr...
- Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
- Germans?
- Forget it, he's rolling.
by Endrick on Jun 12, 2009 1:02 PM CDT up reply actions 4 recs
I don't always knock over catchers at the plate...
…but when I do, I prefer El Birdos
Lou Brown: "My kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team..."
by ballhawk on Jun 12, 2009 7:31 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
OMG
I laughed so hard when I read this that I thought I was going to pass out
by burncruisin on Jun 14, 2009 5:02 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Excellent
I'm singing, "GO CUBS GO! GO CUBS GO!" -- DrCrawdad on Jun 12, 2009 7:23 AM CDT
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! -- Homer J. Simpson
by Shanghai Badger on Jun 14, 2009 9:51 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Make it green!
"You can observe a lot just by watching." ~ Yogi Berra
by Al on Jun 13, 2009 8:57 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I don't always strike out
but when I do, it’s against Ted Lilly.
BSG Girls = Cubs Win! So say we all.
by neverAcquiesce on Jun 13, 2009 11:41 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly is the reason Hendry wanted so many left handers
He was greedy and wanted more Lilly’s
"If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, 'Sorry, Mom,' but nobody beats me." ~ Leo Durocher
by Musicdude10 on Jun 14, 2009 4:34 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
All joking aside
If Soriano makes it on the All Star Team and Lilly doesn’t, I’d be mad.
by ak123 on Jun 14, 2009 6:22 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Why do you think that's even a remote possibility?
I'm singing, "GO CUBS GO! GO CUBS GO!" -- DrCrawdad on Jun 12, 2009 7:23 AM CDT
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! -- Homer J. Simpson
by Shanghai Badger on Jun 14, 2009 9:51 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
It's very possible
Soriano will get tons of fan votes, and Lilly could easily get shafted since there are only so many pitching spots and many of them are burned due to the “at least one player per team” rule.
by Poloplaya14 on Jun 15, 2009 10:16 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I drafted Ted Lilly only for my fantasy baseball team
He single-handedly won the 2009 title – in the offseason.
[Mine’s not as great as others’, I know. But thanks everyone. I have just been informed of a very sad death of a good person, and this brought a smile to my face through the sadness.]
Aqui viene el Toro Venezolano, Carlos Zambrano, a batear...el lanzamiento...A LO PROFUNDOOO...NOO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NOO...DIGALE QUE NO A ESA PELOTA!! GANAN LOS CACHORROS DE CHICAGO!!
by azul_cachorro on Jun 15, 2009 2:39 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
The Blue Jays became a team
Because they knew one day Ted Lilly would play for them
"If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, 'Sorry, Mom,' but nobody beats me." ~ Leo Durocher
by Musicdude10 on Jun 15, 2009 2:42 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Lillyisms
Ted Lilly likes a challenge. Not coincidentally, he’s a righty.
Roger Clemens didn’t use steroids. He just had one private lesson with Ted Lilly when Ted was 2. Ted only showed him his 8th best pitch, the screwball.
by cubbybear on Jun 15, 2009 11:12 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ted Lilly can bring peace to the Middle East
by Glacier on Jun 15, 2009 10:15 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
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