Dateline: NY, NY: December 1, 2009

Talk about an unbalanced schedule!
The 2010 MLB Schedule was announced today, and it has certainly raised a few eyebrows. 
Here is the bottom line: For the first time in MLB history a team will play all 162 of its games at home! That's right! No road trips, no checking in to a hotel at 3 am, no packing and unpacking, no heckling from unfriendly fans, no black cats, no tomahawk chops, no bottom-of-the-ninth walk-off homers, etc. Just good old home cookin'!
Furthermore, a close look at each of the team's opponents reveals that not one of them had a .500 or better record in the 2009 season!
And just who is the recipient of this good fortune? Why none other than the Chicago Cubs!
Debate is already raging whether the schedule's unusual nature is simply a computer anomaly or the result of some behind-the-scenes lobbying by new Cubs owner Tom Ricketts. In either case, it is sure to cause controversy throughout next season.
The firm that has been responsible for creating the MLB schedule since 1991, Long, Summer, and Nodaysoff, issued this terse statement: "We stand behind this schedule as published and approved by the Commissioner's Office. It is based on the same algorithms we have been using for almost 20 years.".  However, loud laughter could be heard as our reporter left their building. Efforts to reach Commissioner "Bud" (shouldn't it be "Miller"?) Selig for a comment were unsuccessful.
Predictably, reaction in Chicago has been quite positive. Sales of "This Is Our Year" T-shirts have already broken pre-season records. And demand for tickets will most certainly go through the roof as locals and fans from around the country vie to see to those additional 81 games. Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers had this to say: "Cubbies Woo, schedule Woo, extra 81 games Wooooo". Even Mayor Daley, a reputed White Sox fan, feels that "this is a great thing for da city".   Cubs management is ecstatic (other than the traveling secretary and his staff, who have already been reassigned to crowd control in the Wrigleyville neighborhood). "We are predicting attendance in excess of 6.5 million next year", said Cubs chairman Crane Kenney, as dollar signs floated above his head.
Cubs field boss Loupa Nella shared his perspective. "I don't know how this happened, and I'm sure my good friend Tony LaRussa is hopping mad, but hey, after our disappointing dive this last season, we're due for a break. The only thing better would be if the games were played on paper; then we would win every year. But hey, we'll take this gift. Can't wait for the season to start!"
The CUBS players are ecstatic. Kosuke Fukudome shared his thoughts via telephone from Japan: "私は次の年のバットを蹴ること非常にを楽しみにしている。"
However, we did find one person who has some misgivings about the news. Irving the hot dog man has been a vendor at Wrigley field since the day it opened as Weeghman Park in 1914, missing only one season due to his service in WWI in 1917. "It gets harder each year", he whined, "and I don't know if I can carry that *#^@# weiner warmer for an extra 81 games."
So will this unorthodox schedule tip the balance in the Cubs' favor? Will 2010 finally be the year? Stay tuned..............