"Cubbie Fan" (Sung to Billy Joel's "Piano Man")

by Zeke on Sep 9, 2009 6:26 PM CDT Comment 24 comments

SPECIAL THANKS TO:

ballhawk, santoswoodenlegs and dat cubfan daver who started this ditty in today’s gamethreads. I just “closed” it out. (Hope you all don’t mind…)

“Cubbie Fan” (sung to Billy Joel's “Piano Man”)

It’s twelve o’clock on a Wednesday,

The regular crowd logs in.

There’s an old man sitting next to me,

Making love to his scorecard 'with pen...

He says, "Son, can you tell me who’s leading off?

I’m sure Lou is taking a doze...

While it’s sad and it’s sweet, we CAN'T compete

with a shortstop like Ryan Theriot."

La la la, de de da…

La la, de de da da da.

Sing us a song, you’re a Cubbie fan.

Sing us a song today!

Well, this season’s been a long, sad tragedy-

But NEXT year, we’ll go ALL THE WAY…

Now Al, in the bleachers, is a friend of ours-

He gets his “Big Gulps” for free.

Well he’s Jewish; a mystic, and disregards statistics-

But there’s no place he’d rather be.

He says, “ballhawk, I believe this is killing me!”

As the smile fades away from his face…

“Well I’m sure that Pie could’ve been a star-

But we ran him right out of this place.”

Oh, la la la, de de da…

La la, de de da da da.

Now Sue’s a frustrated Iowan,

She tires of flamers 'n strife.

And she’s chattin' with Davey, who still wants Peavy…

He probably will so, for life.

The ushers are eyeing their regulars,

As the yuppies swiftly get drunk.

They’re all sharing a team called the Cubbies

And this season that smells like a skunk.

Sing us a song, you’re a Cubbie fan.

Sing us a song today!

Well, this season’s been a long, sad tragedy-

But NEXT year, we’ll go ALL THE WAY…

It’s a pretty small crowd for an afternoon,

As G.M. Hendry sneers a smile.

‘Cause this isn't the team he envisioned.

Sadly, it’ll look like this for awhile...

Wrigley's organ; it sounds like a carnival-

and the baseballs all smell like a beer.

As fans stew in their seats, wishing the Cubs’d compete,

They say, “Man, what are we doin’ here???”

Oh, la la la, de de da

La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you’re a Cubbie fan.

Sing us a song today!

Well, this season’s been a long, sad tragedy-

But NEXT year, we’ll go ALL THE WAY…

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or Al Yellon, managing editor (unless it's a FanPost posted by Al). FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable baseball fans.

13 recs | Comment 24 comments

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Good job to all four of you.

This was a good one and worth a few chuckles.

Say this much for big league baseball - it is beyond question the greatest conversation piece ever invented in America. ~Bruce Catton

by KaliCub on Sep 9, 2009 6:36 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

well done

kudos to all

baseball is a game of outs......pop out, ground out, line out, pitch out, strike out, fly out, and Fox and Bud's favorite black out

by Cubbie-Tim on Sep 9, 2009 7:02 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Very nice

I’m sorry I missed the game thread, must’ve been fun putting that together

It never gets to be easy

by chitownhawkeye on Sep 9, 2009 7:53 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

nicely done

"No enemy is more dangerous, than the enemy that has nothing to lose." Mark Grace

by GateCity, VA Cubs Fan on Sep 9, 2009 8:32 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Bravo!

"I've never complained about it. I'm thankful to have a jersey." Mark DeRosa, 22 Aug 2007

by DeRoMyHero on Sep 9, 2009 9:07 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Wow.

That was really funny. Would you mind if I printed these lyrics out?

"I didn't poke no goddamn rabbits!" 9/2/09

by Chicago White Sux on Sep 9, 2009 9:52 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

It's OK with me if my co-authors are OK with it...

Quia tuum es fatum titulis discidiis, vexillinis limbis nationalis,
gloriam seriis mundialisque, nunc et in saecula saeculorum...

Amen.

by Zeke on Sep 10, 2009 7:15 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

print it out, put it on a t-shirt, sleep with it, line the birdcage...

it’s all fine with me. Unless Billy Joel sends Tony and Rocco over here to collect some royalties. Then I know nuttin’…

Lou Brown: "My kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team..."

by ballhawk on Sep 10, 2009 8:44 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

As long as we aren't charging any money for use, then we're fine - rights wise.

It’s satire…

Quia tuum es fatum titulis discidiis, vexillinis limbis nationalis,
gloriam seriis mundialisque, nunc et in saecula saeculorum...

Amen.

by Zeke on Sep 10, 2009 8:58 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

If I may offer a slight revision - and as one of the original authors, I think I have that right...

Since this seems to have gained some traction within BCB, the truth in advertising laws compel me to suggest a slight change in the chorus. Instead of:

Well, this season’s been a long, dark comedy

I think it ought to be:

Well, this season’s been a long sad tragedy

Unfortunately, I think ‘tragedy’ more accurately reflects this year than ‘comedy’, my efforts at really bad (i.e. good) game thread puns notwithstanding.

Lou Brown: "My kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team..."

by ballhawk on Sep 9, 2009 10:08 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Consider it done. ;)

Quia tuum es fatum titulis discidiis, vexillinis limbis nationalis,
gloriam seriis mundialisque, nunc et in saecula saeculorum...

Amen.

by Zeke on Sep 10, 2009 7:14 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I dunno bout that.

I think tragedy refers to a great fall from a lofty height (see: Oedipus, King Lear, etc.) where a dark comedy mines humor from a gloomy situation (see: After Hours). I don’t think this year’s team was ever at any lofty height, so no real tragic fall took place.

Last year, on the other hand…

"Was you ever punched in the face five hundred times a night? It stings after a while." ~Rocky Balboa

by Goodie1969 on Sep 13, 2009 11:22 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Well Done...

…from the land of songwriters here in Music City!

by NashCub on Sep 10, 2009 8:07 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Outstanding!

But can you tell me where to go for those free Big Gulps?

"You can observe a lot just by watching." ~ Yogi Berra

by Al on Sep 10, 2009 9:01 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Wow, that is awesome.

And honesty (♪♫ …such a lonely word…♪♫) compels me to state for the record that Ballhawk and SWL deserve most of the credit. I just threw in the line about PV. But thanks for the shout-out Zeke.

Catch my act on Twitter as @dat_cubfan_dave.

by dat cubfan daver on Sep 10, 2009 9:15 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Yep, they did the concept and heavy lifting at the start in yesterday's game thread...

I just added the ending and some formatting last night. It was too good of an “unfinished sym-phoney” to leave undone.

Quia tuum es fatum titulis discidiis, vexillinis limbis nationalis,
gloriam seriis mundialisque, nunc et in saecula saeculorum...

Amen.

by Zeke on Sep 10, 2009 9:21 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Nice job! I'm glad you did this.

I sent out the link on Twitter, too.

Catch my act on Twitter as @dat_cubfan_dave.

by dat cubfan daver on Sep 10, 2009 9:39 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Awesome

I love it

by Clark Addison on Sep 10, 2009 11:10 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Awesome

Now someone get to a piano and record this song!

by EamuCanoli on Sep 10, 2009 11:48 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

I couldn't help myself...

Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
If you said the Cubs would win it all
I’d say you were telling tales too tall
You’d anger BLou
Who would believe you
That hasnt happened for the longest time

Once I thought my team was in the hunt
Now I know that Zambrano should not bunt
Thats Worf told me
Take off your blinders you’ll see
We havent been there for the longest time

Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest
Judd is yelling while trying to make a call
Bleacher Bums throw beers over the wall
Dempster is funny
Sori makes too much money
That hasnt happened for the longest time

Why is Aaron Miles’ contract so long
That wasn’t too bright
Jim Hendry was wrong
Maybe Bradleys been trying too hard
We thought we’d go far
But our offense has been poor

Who knows how much longer it will take
Let’s trade Heilman for an infield rake
I’ll like our chances
When our front office stance is
To make us winners for the longest time

Lou’s been second guessed from the start
Our shortstop’s an elf
But our firstbaseman’s got heart
We hope Randy Wells is not Rich Hill
That’d be a bitter pill
Hendry’d give him a new 5 year deal

Please Mr. Ricketts change one simple thing
Seventh innings just let Santo sing
We want the same thing
A big new world series ring
That’d satisfy us for the longest time

Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time

As I've told you before, I never repeat myself.

by santoswoodenlegs on Sep 10, 2009 11:57 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Have you considered a career writing song parodies for "Weird Al?"

Hey! THAT’S Al’s new nickname!

Quia tuum es fatum titulis discidiis, vexillinis limbis nationalis,
gloriam seriis mundialisque, nunc et in saecula saeculorum...

Amen.

by Zeke on Sep 10, 2009 12:34 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

HEY!

"You can observe a lot just by watching." ~ Yogi Berra

by Al on Sep 10, 2009 3:05 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I think you could get more mileage

By changing

Let’s trade Heilman for an infield rake

Let’s trade Aaron for an infield rake

"Who ever heard of the Cubs losing a game they had to have?" -Frank Chance
"If [Ruth] had [called his shot], I would have knocked him down with the next pitch." -Charlie Root

by Clutch16 on Sep 11, 2009 1:37 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

+1

This made me laugh as well, good work. I won’t try one of my own, for all of your sakes

"If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, 'Sorry, Mom,' but nobody beats me." ~ Leo Durocher

by Musicdude10 on Sep 11, 2009 11:51 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs