FanPost

Roster-gate: Day 14 - The Escalation


After several hours of very intense watching and counting the Cubs.com Active Roster still sits at 41 players.  Reports are pouring out of the blogs that Jim Hendry is still trying to decide if he should DFA Fuld, Castro, or Castillo.  One thing is for certain, Koyie Hill will remain on as the Cubs backup catcher.

Early last week it was reported that Tom Ricketts had signed Koyie Hill as the backup catcher so that he could relieve some of the pent up pressure that he was being cheap, which Roster-gate seems to confirm as he is not wanting to pay someone to spend the time to update the Cubs.com website.

An email was received from Bud Selig's office that simply stated that they will begin a review and work with Congress in anyway possible that is needed.

Ladies and gentlemen, I just want to let you know that all of us here at BCB Network News pray for the safety and health of everyone involved.  We will stay on the air as long as we can here, to cover the news story that may very well define the 21st century, to our families we say godspeed and we love you.  We can only hope to still be broadcasting at the end of this because in the middle of December there is nothing worse than having 41 men on your 40 man roster.

Also, in case anyone didnt see my other fanpost we are still needing a few members for the BCB Dyansty Fantasy League - if you are interested and havent done so email me.

 

****UPDATE**** (telegraph machines beeping in the background)

It is now day 6 of the drama and still no word on when the Cubs and MLB will release Jessica from her captivity of the mind.  Word is that they are playing hardball as they have removed all baseballs from humidifiers (apparently someone forgot to tell them it is the offseason) and they are going back to the way balls were made prior to 1994. 

We have reporters standing by outside the offices of Jim Hendry and Bud Selig and we will pass along any news as we get it.  A reporter was outside of Tom Ricketts office but he refused to tip the guy more than a shiney nickel, mumbling something about that is alot of money.

 

****UPDATE****

Well we are now on day 7 of this drama, it does appear that the earth will not be swallowed into a black hole as was previously feared and there is no threat of the universe ripping in two in the immediate future.  Reports from the White House seem to indicate that the Roster Threat level will be downgraded to light magenta in the next couple of days.

We will continue to monitor the situation and will report more when the drama ends with some Cub being kicked off the 40 man roster.  I know the waiting is too much for some and you have taken your own lives due to this.  We can only pray that for those of us who remain we can keep our heads about us.

 

****UPDATE**** (camera pans from the Wrigley Marquee to a tired looking anchorman in a tan overcoat tightly gripping his microphone)

The sun sets on day 8 of Roster-Gate and as I stand outside of the Wrigley Field front offices there has been a small crowd that has gathered with me and has vowed to maintain a candle lit vigil until the Cubs release Jessica from her mental captivity.  There has been no word from inside Wrigley as it appears that Tom Ricketts has cut power and heat inside the compound to reduce costs.  This of course reduces our ability to get the news out from inside but thankfully my informants remain in place and I will pass along news as I get it.

Some of the rumors that are flying in the vigil crowd is that Jim Hendry is trying to open a portal so that Zuul can return to earth and destroy the memories of the Cubs of the many contracts and free agent signings that he constantly gets blamed for.  One can only hope that in these dark hours that a force can come forward to battle these evil spirits and protect the innocent.

I had the opportunity to interview one of the vigil holders, a man by the name of Ray Stantz, and his words ring true as never before: "Let my Fuld go!"  We here at BCBNN are all wishing for the same thing, the release of Jessica and her Fuld from the terrible grips of a terrible man.

****UPDATE**** (the sound of bagpipes bellowing Amazing Grace in the background)

The vigilers have claimed their first casualty today.  After much heated discussion on David Eckstein he has appeared to be abducted by Vigo the Carpathian.  Eckstein tried to muster all of his scrappiness but as Ryan the TOOTBLANER found out last summer, scrappiness alone will not save you from Vigo.  One person that I interviewed said that while he cant hit, cant run, cant range he sure was scrappy and that is something that this world needs more of, a scrappy person that can no longer do their job properly.

Still no movement inside the Branch Wrigley Compound as it appears that Ricketts and Friends were settling in for some nice inter-dimensional pizzas brought courtesy of Zuul.  The local police chief declared that it is a crying shame that efforts to turn off the power, water and sewer were only met with a smile and laugh from the evil geniuses inside.

That is all of the news that is fit to report today.  Again, here outside of the Branch Wrigley Compound this crowd will not go until Jessica and her Fuld are released.  And that is all the news that is fit to report today.

 

****UPDATE****

Well, the saga that seems to never end spans 2 decades.  This is a seemingly never ending drama that gets more and more weird by the day.  Rumors are now circulating that Batman is invloved in the case and is promising swift justice.  We can only hope that he will be able to face off against such advisaries such as Vigo, Zuul and Jim Hendry.  Calls have been made to the offices of Superman, Spiderman and Kick-Ass with no return call. 

It appears that Jessica and her Fuld are going to be held captive for another day as there is no movement between those camped inside the Branch Wigley Compound and those holding vigil outside, whom now measure in the tens of people.

As we reported last week it appears that David Eckstein has been taken captive inside Ricketts office and new reports are coming that he hasnt been fed yet - Tom was heard to be saying that he only paid for enough pizza for 15 people so anyone beyond that will have to fight to the death for scraps.

We will continue to keep watch here during Roster-Gate and will inform you as new information breaks.

****UPDATE****

Well, good thing I donned my tinfoil hat last night or else I would think that the governement is tapping into my brain.  It has been quite the remarkable 24 hours as the lines are being drawn in the sand here at the Branch Wrigley Compound.  There have been some recent additions to the two sides and it appear we have quite the battle royal shaping up.

Former superhero turned villan The Coon and Cthuhlu have entered into the Branch Wrigley Compound along with the Red X, the Decepticons and Al Gore.  Fighting on the side of Jessica and Her Fuld now is Batman, And Friends, and about 10 Theriot supporters who are really mad about Theriot the TOOTBLANER being traded.  Phone calls to the Transformers have not yet been returned but it may be a timing issue with the rotation of the moon (see this press release)...we can only hope, for Jessica and her Fuld's sake, that The Situation is resolved as quickly as possible, for the good of mankind, please Tom, just pay someone to update the website.

Things are heating up really quickly here as another victim was taken in what may just be a freak accident.  Someone walking along on N Seminary Rd was speared with a trident and sucked into the vortex created by Zuul.  The suspected chucker then got into his car, backed into a garbage truck and then sped off mumbling something about a pants party.  If you have any information please call the police.

Oh and still no updates to the 41 man roster.  This is Steve Magenta, you stay awesome, Cubs Fans.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or Al Yellon, managing editor (unless it's a FanPost posted by Al). FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable baseball fans.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

Join Bleed Cubbie Blue

You must be a member of Bleed Cubbie Blue to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Bleed Cubbie Blue. You should read them.

Join Bleed Cubbie Blue

You must be a member of Bleed Cubbie Blue to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Bleed Cubbie Blue. You should read them.

Spinner

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker