With Apologies to David Letterman...
10. He's just following the advice given to him by Roger Clemens
9. Thought BioGenesis was the name of the villain in the latest Call of Duty game
8. Wants to try and get a few last minute endorsements before everyone drops him faster than his falling slugging percentage
7. Has a bet with Maroon 5's Adam Levine that with his repaired hip he still has "Moves like Jagger"
6. Says screw it, plans to get all 'roided up to try and hit 115 Home runs before his suspension kicks in.
5. Thinks his suspension start date should start on same day as Ryan Braun
4. Still trying to impress Madonna
3. Thought HGH meant "Huge Growth Hemorrhoid" that he was trying to get rid of
2. Wants to appeal to surpass Rose's record of lifetime suspension
1. Just wants to chat with Selig, but not about the past