Kevin Nealon (Mr. Subliminal) comments on Tom Ricketts draft letter to season ticket holders

Little did you know, Tom Ricketts and Kevin Nealon (Mr. Subliminal from Saturday Night Live fame) are buds. For some reason, an email intended for Tom from Kevin accidently made it to my email account. See below for details.

Hey Kevin, I am having some trouble writing my letter to season ticket holders, Take a look at some of my ideas for the accomplishments section and please reply parenthetically with your thoughts. Thanks – Tom

Tom – My comments are below in parenthesis per your request (boy your team still sucks) Kevin


Dear Valued Season Ticket Holder (if they are valued, why don't you address them by their name)

…….Let’s look at this season’s accomplishments:

“I brought a championship team to Wrigley this summer” (are you talking about the Blackhawks or the SF Giants? Hey, while you are at it, why don’t you say that you had Ryno manage a MLB game at Wrigley as well)

“We had 2.6 million fans buy tickets for 2013” (but are you forgetting about the million fans that were so hungry and ate their ticket before making it to Wrigley?)

“We partnered with the city and are moving forward with a $500 million renovation of Wrigley (I have those compromising pictures of Tunney and Murphy that you were interested in, cost $500 million)

“Demand for tickets to enter Wrigley reached its peak in the Ricketts era” (Tom, that was for the Pearl Jam concert. Though you could say that the cost of tickets bought on Stubhub increased by over 30X compared to the same time last year – from $0.19 to $6.00)

“We have the most loyal fans and the largest waitlist for season tickets in the MLB (if your season ticket waitlist system wasn’t’ using MS-DOS you would have worked through the entire 116k waitlist this past winter….)

We have some of the coolest promotions of any MLB team with our exclusive partnership with Topps. (Tom, wise choice not planning a Carlos Marmol bobblehead day in September. Why don’t you act on Harry’s promotion suggestion and have a Marla Collins Boobie-head promotion where she sheds her top faster than you shed the team payroll in July.)

(Tom, how could you forget about:

- Claiming the BP Cup,
- How the virtual waiting room disappear this year
- Having the urinal troughs obtaining landmark status
- Announcing the finalists for the 2014 slogan:
o “Seriously, wait til next year”
o “Plenty of good seats still available for today’s game”
o “100 years old and counting without a World Series banner raising celebration”
o “We are not raising prices, but we are raising a Jumbotron”

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or Al Yellon, managing editor (unless it's a FanPost posted by Al). FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable baseball fans.

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