Yesterday, as I was jump starting my car, I heard David Kaplan proclaim on WGN radio that the Cubs had made a huge splash in the baseball world. My ears perked up, hoping we had signed Masahiro Tanaka or the ghost of Babe Ruth. But then came the unfortunate news that the Cubs have employed the services of a new mascot named Clark.
Don't get me wrong, I actually don't care that the Cubs have a mascot. It's not for me. It's for little kids. So, as long as he doesn't dance on the dugout, or hit me in the face with a T-Shirt shot from a cannon, I'm actually fine with it. The reason I say unfortunate, is because I thought of "Billy Cub," the unofficial, unauthorized mascot, who had hopes of "making it legal" with the Cubs, but who was instead smacked with a cease and desist order last year (which Billy Cub did not heed), and is now sitting in a darkened room somewhere in Chicago, three whiskey pints in, wondering where he went wrong.
I immediately tried to get in touch with Billy Cub through Facebook to get a story for BCB, but unfortunately, he didn't respond. So just like I made up an entire book for a book report in sixth grade by saying my uncle wrote it in Canada, instead of just reading an actual book and reporting on it, I decided it would be easier to make up a musical encounter with Billy Cub instead of actually talking to the poor guy.
Billy Cub! If you're listening! Reach out and touch a brother! I wanna tell your story! Email Danny Rockett at this address!