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Cubs, White Sox To Merge

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Baseball-Commissioner-For-Life-Unless-I-Step-Down-In-2009 Bud Selig announced today, that in tune with the downsizing that's rampant in American society today, the Chicago Cubs and Chicago White Sox will become one team, effective immediately.

They will be known as the Chicago White Cubs, and their logo will be as follows:

This move is expected to strengthen the team, as players such as Ross Gload, Chris Widger, and Neifi Perez will no longer be needed.

However, it was also announced that pitchers Freddy Garcia, Brandon McCarthy, and Javier Vazquez will immediately be placed on the disabled list with, respectively, elbow, shoulder and knee problems.

Since it could not be agreed whether the team should play at Wrigley Field or U.S. Cellular Field, the club will outsource its home games to the city of Hyderabad, India. Season ticket holders will be reimbursed for travel expenses, and the new Wrigley Field bleachers will be moved there as soon as possible.

All games will be televised via WGN, but cable subscribers will have to pay a surcharge of $10 per game due to the extra cost of satellite transmissions from India.

Team colors are to be announced later.

Finally, there will be a tag-team wrestling match on Sunday between Dusty Baker and Ozzie Guillen, to decide who will manage the White Cubs.