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Really Bad Ideas Throughout History

By Al Yellon

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That is the subtitle of a 2003 book actually called "What Were They Thinking?"

In it, you will learn about some of:

... history's most harebrained schemes, fool notions, useless products, and misguided obsessions. You'll learn the stories behind: an Iowa university professor's proposal to blow up the moon; Senator Victor Biaka-Boda's ill-fated campaign trip to the Ivory Coast hinterlands (not only did he lose the election, his constituents ate him); a U.S. intelligence plot to grow breasts on Hitler and make his mustache fall out; the escaped convict who blew his cover after a year on the lam by appearing as a contestant on The Dating Game and The Gong Show; the Ohio university that awarded Mike Tyson an honorary doctorate in humane letters; and many more examples of hopelessly muddled thinking.

There's even some baseball-related stupidity within, including the story of Braves pitcher John Smoltz, who once tried to iron his own shirt while he was wearing it. He got second-degree burns.

Today, we learn of yet another story that could have been prominently featured in that book:

It wouldn't be surprising to see Tony Womack show up at Wrigley Field this weekend as the Cubs' starting second baseman against the Atlanta Braves.

"I'm hearing good reports on him," manager Dusty Baker said Wednesday. "I'm hearing he is playing pretty good. We'll address that when I get home. It's not a bad option."

Well, yes it is, Dusty. Yes, it is. It is a terrible option. Hard to believe things could get worse than Neifi, but this would be worse.

The Cubs would do just about as well if they put ME out there at second base.

Assignment for Baker and Jim Hendry on today's off-day: hie yourselves over to Barnes & Noble or Borders -- there are convenient locations only a few blocks from Wrigley Field -- and buy yourselves a copy of that book.

And then don't ever, EVER, let Tony Womack wear a Cub uniform again.

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