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I Didn't Miss A Thing

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Scoring? Nope.

Good pitching? Nope.

Good lineup selection? Nope.

Good defense? Nope.

While I was spending my Monday night discussing important issues in the field of directing, the Cubs were stinking out Wrigley Field again, losing 6-0 to the Brewers.

I had a way better time. I saw a PowerPoint presentation on the DGA's new computer system. No, trust me, that was more interesting than the game.

I had a nice talk with the council's chairman, Steven Soderbergh, director of movies such as "Traffic" and the "Ocean's Eleven" series, about some future DGA projects.

And I didn't have to watch Neifi Perez bat second again.

As you know, I have not been a Dusty basher, but this has got to stop. The only way to stop it is this.

Jim Hendry, you've got to DFA Perez and eat his contract. Get him off the team.

Even that might not stop Dusty from penciling him into that spot. Remember back in 2003? When he used to do this sort of thing with Lenny F. Harris, starting him at 3B when he had no business in a starting lineup? Neifi must have inherited the Lenny Harris/Jose Macias Memorial Collection of Compromising Photos of Dusty Baker.

What's even worse is that Neifi had three hits Monday night, which means he'll probably start again Tuesday.

Derrek Lee had two hits, both singles. In fact, the Cubs didn't have anything BUT singles, and two walks.

There's not much more to tell, really, since I didn't see the game at all. Everyone here, myself included, has made quite a few suggestions on who the Cubs ought to get rid of, but the fact is:

NO ONE WANTS ANY OF THESE PLAYERS BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL SUCKING!!

Phil Nevin played last night, obviously, because he's being showcased for scouts. 0-for-3 doesn't help, Phil. That put Matt Murton to the bench, because he can't really play right field, even though Jacque Jones can't really play right field either. Thanks, Jacque, for striking out twice again last night, thus offering more proof about how you really can't hit lefties at all.

It was suggested to me in yesterday's game post that since I had some success in getting management to turn the PA speakers down by, in part, bitching here in large type, that maybe I could do the same with a player personnel move that most of us would love to see the Cubs make. So, here goes:

TRADE FOR CARLOS LEE!!

I'll keep this up for a few days. It can't hurt, especially after Lee kept up the hitting he's always done in Wrigley Field again last night, with a two-run, first-inning HR, after which they pretty much could have called the rest of the game off.

And much as I love Greg Maddux, folks, he appears to be done. You can say "trade him to the Dodgers" or "trade him to the Diamondbacks", but frankly, why would those teams want a guy who is 2-8 since May 1 with a 6.83 ERA? If Arizona wanted a pitcher like that, they could have kept Russ Ortiz. Maddux will finish out the year wiith the Cubs, perhaps show a flash or two of his old form, and then he ought to gracefully retire.

You're going to hear this a lot in the next little while, so let me start: the Cubs are 19 games under .500. The last time they were this far under .500 was the final day of the 2002 season, 28 games under at 67-95. That team was horrible, but this one looks worse. They're playing worse, anyway. Even really bad teams usually have a stretch of a couple of weeks when they reel off a winning skein of 7 of 10, or 12 of 16. This team seems absolutely incapable of that.

Back up the truck, all right -- IF you can get anyone to take the parts.

Finally, check out this quote from the Yahoo game story about Kerry Wood's physical exam in Cincinnati on Monday:

"The MRI in Dr. Kremchek's terms, stated it was pristine, that the labia repair looked as if it was completely intact, looked like it had healed nicely and perfectly. He said his rotator cuff looks pristine, the joint looks good. So there is no significant concerns of any kind of significant issue or injury or anything like that," trainer Mark O'Neal said.
LABIA repair?

I HOPE he meant "labrum".