I think you know the rest of that childhood phrase.
The only real news to come out of Roger Clemens' interview last night on "60 Minutes" (since the content of the interview was leaked several days beforehand) was the announcement, made just before the show aired, that Clemens was going to beat Brian McNamee to a year filled with legal fees by suing him for defamation first, before McNamee could file. Incidentally, Rusty Hardin, the lawyer Clemens has hired for this lawsuit, is apparently quite a character in Texas; among other things, he's trying to tar McNamee as a liar for what he told Sen. Mitchell because:
Thanks to the Boston Globe, we have a complete transcript of the Clemens interview.Let's deconstruct, shall we?
CLEMENS Never. I trained hard my entire career. It just didn't happen.
CLEMENS My body never changed. If he's putting that stuff up in my body, if what he's saying which is totally false, if he's doing that to me, I should have a third ear coming out of my forehead. I should be pulling tractors with my teeth.
CLEMENS I listened to my counsel. I was advised not to. A lot of the players didn't go down and talk to him.
WALLACE I know.
CLEMENS But if I would've known what this man, Brian McNamee had said in this report, I would have been down there in a heartbeat to take care of it.
CLEMENS Yes he did.
CLEMENS Lidocaine, and B12. It's for my joints and and B12 I take still today. A lot of trainers—
WALLACE And that's all.?
CLEMENS That's it.
WALLACE Never, never a human growth hormone?
WALLACE Never testosterone?
CLEMENS Never. Never.
WALLACE And never anabolic steroids?
TRACK: THAT NIGHT, HE THREW A THREE HITTER AND WON THE GAME.
CLEMENS You'll never see me pitch again.
TRACK: BUT HE HAS RETIRED THREE TIMES BEFORE AND HE TOLD US HE COULD UN-RETIRE AGAIN.
Maybe I've been too hard here, but I just don't believe Clemens. Andy Pettitte, who was a teammate of Clemens for eight seasons, admitted to HGH use and seems to have been forgiven in the court of public opinion. The fact that Clemens hasn't done so indicates one of two things: either he's a stubborn cuss who just can't bring himself to do this, or he's guilty as charged. He's right when he said in the interview:
A committee spokesman told The Washington Post the panel could issue subpoenas if any witnessess decline the invitation.
I won't hold my breath thinking we're going to get it, though.
Finally, a little humor on the subject (hat tip to Pinstripe Alley):