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'Twas The Night Before Cub Christmas

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an annual affront to Clement Clarke Moore

'Twas the night 'fore Cub Christmas, and all through the ballpark
Not a creature was stirring, not even DeRo (Mark);
Cub fans' wishes were hung by the bleachers with care,
In hopes that St. Hendry soon would be there;

The players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of championships danced in their heads;
And Lou in his uniform, and Larry in low-billed cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
Lou sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon shining down on the hockey rink there
Gave the lustre of mid-day to all in the air.
But then, it appeared, as if in a dream:
A blue and white sleigh carrying his baseball team!

With a big old driver, so lively, not slim,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Jim.
More rapid than Gathright his players they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Dempster! now, Lilly!
Now, Harden and Z!
On, A-Ram! on Soto!
On, Dome and Lee!
I'll get you a Bradley!
Or maybe a Dunn!
I simply won't rest till a title is won!"

The dry leaves that fall from the ivy walls die,
When they start to regrow, then Marmol's slider flies,
And over on a rooftop there's Ronny and Theriot,
Is the sleigh full of gifts? Only Hendry does know.

And then, in a twinkling, among some bright flowers
The prancing and pawing of little Kevin Towers.
As Jim showed his hand when seeking a Peavy,
Towers wanted too much -- you saw that on TV.

Just so we'd remember, Sori did a bunny hop;
And there's Z all in blue, from his feet to his top,
Little Mikey Fontenot, Z had flung on his back,
And we worried that feat might put him out of whack.

But back to Jim -- offers out there to see!
We all wonder whether he can trade Jason Marquis!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And who's the Brewers' closer? We yet do not know;

We feel bad for Santo, who's still not in the Hall,
But perhaps next month, Andre Dawson gets that call.

Jim had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

Once again... that stanza stays as is. Anyway:

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave us to know we had nothing to dread;

He spoke not to us, but went straight to his cell,
And filled up the roster; then gave out a yell:
"Kerry Wood may be gone, but the pen will be fine;
I'll give you a club that can win in '09!"

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a call,
And we heard Dempster say, "We will win it all!"
Then we heard Jim exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night."