As part of the compensation package for the signing of new Cubs GM Theo Epstein, starting one week from today, the name of this blog will be changed to BLEED SAWKS RED. From now on, this blog will be devoted to all the news and opinion about the Red Sox that you members of Red Sox Nation (and don't kid yourself, some of you are headed east too) demand.
Al will be doing the same recaps and opinion that he always does, only starting next week, it will all be about the Red Sox. He'll still go to Wrigley Field and sit in the bleachers, but now, he'll write about following the Sawks on his Android phone from there. He'll have the same opinionated rants about other people in the bleachers, only now he'll scold them for coming to the ballpark and not caring about the Red Sox game. And while "Deep Goat" is gone, he'll be replaced by "Big Wally" who is a source deep within the Red Sox who will let you know while things might not be going well, it's not management's fault. I know what some of you are thinking and no, "Big Wally" is not John Henry. If you say that "Big Wally" is John Henry, he's going to order his driver to come immediately to your office, home or school and call you a liar to your face. So don't do that.
You probably have some questions about how things are going to change around here. I've tried to anticipate your questions and provide you with some answers.
So we have to talk about the Red Sox here now? So will "Over the Monster" talk about the Cubs?
No! Nothing will change at "Over the Monster." They'll still be full of the same talk about what a loser John Lackey is, how awesome Dustin Pedroia is and why the Sawks are doomed every time they lose a game. They'll also continue to lament that they didn't think of the name "Sons of Sam Horn" first. But they'll also have the same expert analysis of the Red Sox. They will also continue to drink beer, play cards and eat fast food fried chicken during games.
What BLEED SAWKS RED provides is the depth in the blog system that Red Sox owners John Henry, Tom Werner and Larry Lucchino are looking for. And if Boston wants to trade a blog to Oakland for Gio Gonzalez next July, they'll have the resources to do so. GITERDUNBEN!
So how will BLEED SAWKS RED be different than BLEED CUBBIE BLUE?
Not too much. You will still be able to rip Tom Ricketts and Jim Hendry all you want. "Big Wally" doesn't care if you rip them. You can rip any Cub player that you want, especially if he used to play for Boston. In fact, that's kind of a rule. You have to do that. And since Jim Hendry is now unemployed, you can feel free to rip that dirty turncoat new GM the Cubs have as well. In fact, that's also mandatory.
You can call for Ryne Sandberg to be the next manager, although of course it will have to be the next manager of the Sawks. You can suggest the Sawks trade for Brian Roberts, Jake Peavy or Adam Lind all you want. Al is already working on an article about why Kila Ka'aihue is the logical replacement for David Ortiz.
Two things will change. The first is that the letter "R" may not be used at the end of words. Evah. We know that this is a big change for some of you, so we're going to work on it over the off-season. By Spring Training, Al and I will be writing all of our articles "R" free, except for the "R" in Red Sox, of course. If you're a team player and keep up with us, we'll all be having chowdah with Nomah by Opening Day.
The other thing that is going to change is that any poster who criticizes John Henry, Tom Werner or Larry Lucchino will be banned immediately. No warnings, no second chances. We're not kidding about this. We don't want any angry billionaires coming to our houses with a switchblade and a tire iron.
Josh, does this mean you'll no longer be writing about the Cubs farm system?
I will still be doing the same daily updates of the Cubs farm system that I've always done. It will just be called the Red Sox farm system from now on. I'll still be writing about Brett Jackson, Matt Szczur, Logan Watkins, Eric Jokisch, Jae-Hoon Ha, Rebel Ridling, Pierre LePage and the rest of your favorites: It's just now they're all going to be playing for the Red Sox.
I don't like this. Who can I talk to about this?
The Cubs are getting Theo Epstein. We raised that child as if he were our own. If it weren't for us, he'd be living in poverty, picking up odd jobs as a lawyer or college professor or whatever that worthless Yale degree qualifies him to do. And now he turns around and runs off with the first club that bats their eyes at him. And Chicago! Do they even have running water there? Their ocean is so tiny and it can't even afford any salt!
Oops. Sorry, we digress. Theo Epstein is easily worth these sacrifices. However, if you want to express your displeasure about this, write to Mike Quade at 1060 W. Addison Street, Chicago IL 60613. I'm told Mr. Quade is being kept fully in the loop over these negotiations and that by the time the post office gets your letter to him, he'll have plenty of time to answer all your questions.