Filed under: Chicago Cubs recaps Phillies 12, Cubs 1: Do-It-Yourself Recap This one isn't worth writing about, so make up your own recap below. By Al Yellon@bleedcubbieblue Aug 8, 2013, 4:55pm CDT Share this story Share this on Facebook Share this on Twitter Share All sharing options Share All sharing options for: Phillies 12, Cubs 1: Do-It-Yourself Recap Reddit Pocket Flipboard Email Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports Thursday afternoon in Philadelphia, the Cubs lost to got annihilated by got stomped on by got crushed by got destroyed by Had enough yet? the Phillies. Here's the boxscore, but you probably don't want to look. Don't say I didn't warn you. The Cubs scored 1 run. 0 runs. 2 runs. 3 runs. 4 runs. You didn't think there would be more here, did you? It was one run. The Phillies scored 12 runs. 9 runs. 10 runs. 11 runs. 13 runs. 800 runs. 12. It only seemed like 800. The best Cubs hitting performance was turned in by Nate Schierholtz. Nate Schierholtz. Nate Schierholtz. Nate Schierholtz. Nate Schierholtz. You can keep scrolling, but it's not going to change.Jeff Samardzija was awful Thursday, his worst start of 2013. His Game Score was -100. 0. 5. 10. 15. 100. (I was joking about the 100. And the -100, even though it felt that way.) The answer is '5'.. Shark's score was the lowest for a Cubs starter since yesterday. last week. last month. last year. 1988. (The answer is 1988. See the link above.) The Cubs haven't won a series in Philadelphia since 2011. 2008. 2003. 2001. 1908. (The answer is 2001. It only seems like 105 years.) After the game, President of Baseball Operations Theo Epstein shook his head with a disgusted look on his face. made two trades for more prospects. reduced the amount on a contract proposal to Shark. Meanwhile, General Manager Jed Hoyer traded himself back to the Padres. joined Theo in that rueful head shake. told Theo to lower that Shark contract proposal even more. all of the above The Cubs hit 1 home run Thursday. 2 home runs Thursday. 3 home runs Thursday. 4 home runs Thursday. 5 home runs Thursday. Seriously? 5 HR? How do you hit 5 HR and lose 12-1? In the eighth inning, the Cubs got two men on base and scored eight runs! Fun! actually got one of them as far as third base! didn't score at all. You shouldn't have to look this far for the answer. Nate Schierholtz hit a home run for the Cubs. This is important because it proved that a Cubs hitter can actually homer. it was the only run of the game, preventing a shutout. it makes it more likely Schierholtz will be the starting RF in 2014. No, wait. No, it isn't. On second thought, it doesn't mean a thingHector Rondon threw a little more than an inning and didn't give up a run. This is important because it means the Cubs finally got a decent Rule 5 pick. he could be an important part of the 2014 bullpen. he's given up just two runs in his last 8.1 innings. all of the above. In other MLB news Thursday, the Pittsburgh Pirates defeated the Miami Marlins 5-4. Who cares? This is a Cubs recap. Here's why you might care: Josh Harrison scored the winning run in the 10th inning ... ... for the Pirates. He's a former Cubs minor leaguer... On second thought, forget it. This just reminds me that the Cubs gave him away for John Grabow.. Friday night in St. Louis, the Cubs will win. lose. get rained out. In that game, the Cubs will send Chris Rusin to the mound to face Lance Lynn, and he will... ... win the game against the Cardinals ... by throwing a shutout. No, he won't. Rusin? Shut out the Cardinals? You must be joking. Manager Dale Sveum's comments after today's game included: "Look, what do you want me to do?" (Whoops, sorry. That one's left over from two managers ago.) "Hey, Shark pitched pretty well." (Whoops, sorry. That one's not true.) "We'll get 'em tomorrow."Disclaimer: no animals (or baseball players) were harmed in the making of this recap. may be too intense for some viewers. contents under pressure. sanitized for your protection. may be too intense for some viewers. if condition persists, consult your physician. this product is meant for educational purposes only. list was current at time of printing. In This Stream Cubs vs. Phillies Thursday Game Threads Phillies 12, Cubs 1: Do-It-Yourself Recap Overflow Thread 3: Cubs vs. Phillies, Thursday 8/8 View all 6 stories More From Bleed Cubbie Blue Angels 7, Cubs 4: Lather, rinse, repeat Minor League Wrap: Ed Howard has 3 hits in South Bend return BCB After Dark: Who is going to stay? Outside The Confines: Ouch Baseball history unpacked, June 7 Today in Cubs history: The Lindy McDaniel game