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Phillies 12, Cubs 1: Do-It-Yourself Recap

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This one isn't worth writing about, so make up your own recap below.

Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports
Thursday afternoon in Philadelphia, the Cubs the Phillies. Here's the boxscore, but you probably don't want to look. Don't say I didn't warn you.
The Cubs scored
The Phillies scored
The best Cubs hitting performance was turned in by
Jeff Samardzija was awful Thursday, his worst start of 2013. His Game Score was .
Shark's score was the lowest for a Cubs starter since
The Cubs haven't won a series in Philadelphia since
After the game, President of Baseball Operations Theo Epstein
Meanwhile, General Manager Jed Hoyer
The Cubs hit
In the eighth inning, the Cubs got two men on base and
Nate Schierholtz hit a home run for the Cubs. This is important because
Hector Rondon threw a little more than an inning and didn't give up a run. This is important because
In other MLB news Thursday, the Pittsburgh Pirates defeated the Miami Marlins 5-4.
Friday night in St. Louis, the Cubs will
In that game, the Cubs will send Chris Rusin to the mound to face Lance Lynn, and he will...
Manager Dale Sveum's comments after today's game included:
Disclaimer: