A Masahiro Tanaka Song: 'Tanak-nak-naka's Gonna Make Us Poor'

With Twitter rumors flying around of a possible Masahiro Tanaka announcement at 6 p.m. CT Tuesday (which of course didn't happen), I couldn't help but get caught up the excitement of Tanaka-Watch 2014! It certainly has been a slow off-season for the Cubs, but must we really analyze every tweet and blog post speculating on which team Masahiro Tanaka is going to choose? And for what reasons? Yes! We should!! What else are we gonna do? It's January, and we're bored.

So bored that I wrote you all a little ditty with my good friends Bob Dylan and Guns and Roses, all about Tanaka and his future impact on the Cubs. I've posted the lyrics below so you can sing along!

The Dodgers, Cubs, or the Yankees
Who’s gonna pay Tanaka more?
Shark and Wood as 2 and 3,
Move Edwin Jackson down to 4.

Tanak-nak-naka’s gonna make us poor.
He’s worth a hundred mil or more.
Only a year past 24
Tanak-nak-naka’s gonna make us poor.

New York’s a real exciting town
L.A.’s got Japanese folks by the score
But Chicago’s pizza wins hands down
New York slices taste just like cardboard

Tanak-nak-naka's gonna make us poor
What if his rotator cuff tore
Goes on the DL like Mark Prior
Tanaknaknakas gonna make us poor

We should have kept Fukudome
Renteria's Japanese is pretty poor
Hope he signs with the Cubbies
Cause this offseason has been a bore!

Tanak-nak-naka's gonna make us poor
Need ad revenue from a scoreboard
The Cubs are in a bidding war
Tanak-nak-naka’s gonna make us poor!