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'Twas The Night Before Cub Christmas

An annual affront to Clement Clarke Moore.

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Cub country
Not a person was stirring, not even Crane Kenney.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Sts. Theo & Jed soon would be there.

Tom Ricketts was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of championships danced in his head.
The bearded Arrieta, Hammel in his cap,
Had just settled on down for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon shining on Chicago's cold and snow
Gave the lustre of midday to objects below.
When, what should appear, as if in a dream:
A blue and white sleigh carrying a baseball team!

With a brand new sleigh driver, so sure to gladden,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Maddon.
More swift than Ramirez' fastball the players they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Starlin! now, Rizzo!
Now, Bryant and Mendy!
On, Luis! On, Jorge!
On Coghlan and Javy!
Hit those balls strong!
Hit 'em over the wall!
We'll play 'em all hard
And someday win it all!"

The brown leaves that fall from the ivy walls die,
When they start to grow, Strop's slider will fly.
The bleachers being rebuilt now look like a fright,
The Cubs hope they'll be ready by Opening Night.

And then, in a twinkling, I saw two intent faces
Planning, they were, on future pennant races.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Sts. Jed & Theo came with two bounds.

They were all dressed in chinos and polo shirts,
And they brought some who'll play on the Wrigley Field dirt.
A bundle of players they had flung on the roster,
In hopes that none of them would be an impostor.

"I brought you Jon Lester," Theo said with a smile.
"And Montero and Ross, who might play with style."
"I have here a Motte whose right hand can throw!"
Will A-Russell be great? We do not yet know.

Could Straily and Turner still turn into good Cubs?
Or will they forever be known just as scrubs?
Ortiz and Zac Rosscup: what will they become?
Are they good bullpen lefties? Or just two more bums?

Joe offered to buy drinks, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He filled all the lineups, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
To Cubs Park in Mesa all flew like a missile.
And I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Cub Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

EDITOR'S NOTE: At 3 p.m. CT today, BCB's Danny Rockett will have a more modern take on this Christmas classic.