Poem: Don't Think I Can Be A Cubs Fan Anymore

Today I turn 40. My life is likely at least halfway over and the Cubs still haven't won the World Series. I know many of you have suffered longer than me so you surely relate to the current Cubs fan crisis I'm in -- not that I could root for any other team. Once you're a Die-Hard fan, they've got you for life. The day my father took me to Wrigley Field was the day I received a life sentence.

Don’t think I can be a Cubs fan any more.

They’ve let me down since 1984.

The pitching’s halfway decent but they barely score.

Don’t think I can be a Cubs fan anymore.

 

It’s so hard to be a Cubbie fan.

Though Theo says that he has got a plan.

Trading for more prospects, showing veterans the door.

Don’t think I can be a Cubs fan anymore.

 

How I miss the Lees, Sandbergs and Graces.

When we had them, we rocked some pennant races.

Now the Cubs look up at teams from the NL Central’s floor.

Don’t think I can be a Cubs fan anymore.

 

Remember, six years ago in the stands?

40,000 super happy fans?

The Diamondbacks and Dodgers set our bats to snore.

Don’t think I can be a Cubs fan anymore.

 

The Ricketts are just getting millions richer,

As Darwin Barney bats worse than the pitcher.

Won’t you please buy us some players at the free agent store?

Don’t think I can be a Cubs fan anymore.

 

We deserve better in the Land of Lincoln.

All the fans are sick of the Cubs stinkin’

The Cards are always great, so at least half the state

Is glad that they’re not Cubs fans anymore.

 

Now I’m not here asking for the moon.

But at this rate we’ll be 20 out in June.

You can blame a goat, the rooftops or the Chicago Tribune.

Don’t think I can be a Cubs fan anymore.

 

But a World Series win would be so priceless.

I just have to get through this mid-life crisis.

Today I turn the big 4-0, and all I’m asking for

Is a reason to be a Cubs Fan anymore.

 

Then again, the farm system is stocked.

Baez, Soler and Bryant are a lock.

Rizzo and Castro might have what it takes to be the core.

Maybe I can be a Cubs fan anymore.

 

Just like I love chicken cooked by a Colonel,

I love the Cubs and know hope springs eternal.

So I’ll keep on watching Cubs games so I know what happened before,

We were World Champions of 2024.

*Since the Cubs will put me in an early grave, I've taken it upon myself to secure my own spot in the Cubs Fan Burial Wall. So if you feel like giving a guy you don't know a 40th birthday present, donate to my eternal resting place. Beer at Wrigley also accepted.