It’s the holiday season in baseball, and that means gift giving. But what do you get a bunch of guys who just won the World Series? Luckily, several players on the team said what they want for Christmas and we have their letters to Santa. The North Pole has graciously shared these letters and allowed us to print them here.
I have been very good this year. In fact, I may have been better this year than I have ever been. Most people think I was one of the best kids in baseball last year, even if a lot of people think that Max kid in Washington was better than me. Whatever. I was really good.
There’s only one thing I want. Can your elves whip up something that would automatically throw the ball to first? They must be able to do that. If not, I think they sell something like that at The Sharper Image. Or maybe Skymall.
I have also been really good this year. Some people think I was even better than Jon or Max. I know the holiday season is about giving, but I gave out less than any other pitcher in baseball this year. That sounds like I’m selfish, but really, it’s what I’m supposed to do. Baseball is a funny game that way.
What I would like this year is the eighth inning. Or at least the seventh inning more than once a month. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for.
Every year, you have been good to me. Over the past few years, you got me the college player of the year award, the Minor League Player of the Year, the Rookie of the Year and the Most Valuable Player. You also got me a World Series title. The ring isn’t here yet, but I know it’s coming. I also have a beautiful fiancée and some of the greatest eyes in the world.
Really, there’s nothing in the world I need. Thank you. My life is terrific.
This is Scott. Kris is too modest to say, but he really wants what you got Giancarlo a few years ago. Call me.
What Scott said.
I wasn’t very good this year, but I think I deserve something anyway. I did give the speech of the year, after all. I know I’m being selfish after what you got me last Christmas (and really, that was terrific) but I think I’ve been good enough to deserve one gift. Really, all my teammates told me I should get one.
All I want is a swing. I had one in Atlanta and St. Louis, but I don’t have one in Chicago. Just a swing. All the Cubs want me to have one.
I was very, very good in 2015 and what did you get me? A knee injury! Thanks for nothing! At least I got back in time for the World Series, although I don’t think you had anything to do with that.
This year, I want the DH in the National League. Based on your track record, I’m expecting coal.
I know I wasn’t all that good in previous years, but I was really good this year. In fact, everyone couldn’t stop saying how good I was. So I have a big list for this Christmas.
I want a position this year. I want to play every day. I want a Gold Glove (I should have gotten that this year). I want a home run title. I want a batting title. How about an MVP Award? I want a World Baseball Classic title for Puerto Rico. And another World Series title.
You know what? Forget it, Santa. I’ll get them myself.
I’m not a Cubs player anymore, but I do have a request. Can everyone stop calling me “Grandpa” now? I’m retired, but only 39 years old. I’ve got a while to go before worrying about grandchildren.
I just want some pants. A decent pair of pants.
This year, I was very good. In fact, I’ve been very good every year. But all anyone ever notices is Theo. Who was it who traded Anthony Rizzo away? And who traded for him twice? Me, that’s who. Not that anyone ever notices.
That’s what I want for Christmas. One puff-piece profile in a major publication. Theo has a dozen already. It’s not like Theo doesn’t deserve all the adulation he gets, but just once I’d like someone to acknowledge my role in ending two curses.
That, or a new Twitter account.
Since there is no other team with an 85+ year World Series drought, there’s not much you can get me. You can get me the Cleveland Indians in about fifteen years.
Also, this isn’t for me, but if you get Clark a pair of pants, could you also get Chad Noble a shirt? Thank you.
Tell Jed to stop whining.
There really isn’t much I want this year. I’ve got a World Series ring coming, a strong lineup and rotation. I’ve got a closer for 2017. I might have to ask for a new one next year, but I’m good this year. I maybe could use another left-hander in the bullpen and an extra starter, but that’s minor. I’ve even got the haircut and glasses to convince everyone I’m a genius even on the few days I’m not.
The only thing I can think of is a new slogan. Try Not To Suck Again isn’t going to cut it. I know you’re not good at this kind of thing—after all, you’ve been using Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year for a few hundred years. But see what you can do.
2016 has been very good to me. I was the first Cubs owner to ever accept the Commissioner’s Trophy. The long plan that started when my family bought the club has finally come to fruition. We got a title, a trophy and a parade. There’s nothing I could ask for.
Let’s just do it all again in 2017. For Cubs fans, for the players, the staff, the scouts and the coaches. That’s the one wish we all can agree on.