MLB Bullets Thinks Misery Loves Company

Good morning. Hopefully no one else got suspended while I'm sleeping tonight.

• Nothing big happened over the weekend, except for a lot of rain. So I thought I'd start today with this wonderful oral history of the 2006 Doug Mirabelli trade. Theo Epstein features prominently in it, especially when he called the wrong "Josh B" on his contact list. Check it out.
• Now the fallout from the Dee Gordon suspension. Jeff Passan calls the affair "sad" and writes that baseball is still tainted by the scandal of PEDs.
• Grant Brisbee, in his usual colorful manner, writes that Dee Gordon proves that you can't tell who is juicing by just looking at them. And also, maybe your favorite player takes PEDs. You don't know for sure. (Well, Brisbee knows that his favorite player did take PEDs.)
• Will Leitch uses the example of Gordon to bust several myths about PED use.
• Doug Glanville talks about how baseball is a game of endurance and the role that PEDs could play in giving players an edge there.
• Ken Rosenthal wonders if stricter punishments for PED use might come in the next CBA. He notes that several players are upset about Gordon "only" getting an 80-game suspension and being allowed to play while he appealed.
• Mike Oz points out that it is possible to falsely test positive for one of the drugs found in Gordon because a player recently had sex. (Oz is quick to point out that this can't exonerate Gordon because there was a positive test for a second substance in his system.)
• It's great days for Yankees-haters out there, as the Boys from the Bronx have lost five in a row and are in last place. Mike Axisa has three reasons why the Yankees are off to such a poor start.
• Wallace Matthews thinks the Yankees just are old, not good and getting worse all the time. I feel bad for Starlin Castro. Once again, he's the best player on a bad team.
• The Phillies, on the other hand, are 15-10 and if the season ended today, would be tied with the Pirates for the second wild card. Dayn Perry looks at the chances that the Phillies can keep winning all season. The Phillies can't even get tanking right!
• The Braves, on the other hand, are really good at this thing. The Braves played a man short on Sunday because they called an ineligible player up from the minors. Of course, they won anyway. It probably helped that the player they couldn't use was Emilio Bonifacio.
• The Braves are trying to buy draft picks, only a few of which can be traded. Mike Axisa looks at which teams might look to deal a draft pick to Atlanta.
• The Reds aren't having a good season and neither is Joey Votto. Votto said he'd retire rather than play at the poor level he's at right now. He still has eight years left on his contract. Votto isn't threatening to retire right now, however. Also, he says he's committed to Cincinnati, noting that he believes the team will be good again before that eight-year contract runs out.
• Owen Watson notes that Votto has never had a month as poor as April was for him and he examines why Votto is struggling. Watson doesn't think these struggles will continue for much longer, so don't rush out to buy black balloons for his retirement party just yet.
• The Astros, a trendy pick in the AL West, are also off to a poor start. Mark Townsend has four reasons why they've been terrible.
• Mark Simon piles on about how bad the Astros have been.
• I wouldn't put the Cardinals in the category of the previous few teams, but they have had some issues to start the season. Now they have another one as pitcher Carlos Martinez is being sued by a woman who claims that Martinez intentionally gave her an STD. That's not the kind of virus that I expected the Cardinals to get after all the poking around they do in other people's business.
• Mark Saxon thinks the Cardinals have bigger problems than Carlos Martinez.
• With all this bad news coming out, Rob Mains reminds us that April statistics, historically, are awfully misleading.
• That's bad news for Neil Walker, who is tied for the major league lead in home runs. Tim Healey thinks fans and the Mets should just enjoy Walker's hot streak while it lasts.
• Marlins pitcher Adam Conley had a no-hitter going on Friday with two out in the bottom of the eighth inning when manager Don Mattingly made a call to the bullpen. Cliff Corcoran thinks that Mattingly made the right call in pulling Conley, even though the Marlins bullpen lost the no-hitter in the ninth inning and nearly lost the game.
• The Reds put Raisel Iglesias on the disabled list with a shoulder issue.
• The long-promised Tim Lincecum showcase is scheduled for Friday. Up to 20 teams are expected to watch the free agent pitch.
• Mark Simon thinks Madison Bumgarner and Max Scherzer looked like their old selves this weekend.
• Noah Syndergaard is frustrated by the number of stolen bases he's allowed.
• Cliff Corcoran thinks the new sliding rules are being inconsistently enforced.
• A story by Richard Sandomir about how baseball welcomed their new robot umpire overlords--in 1950. An interesting look at an early technological attempt to change baseball.
• Christopher O'Donnell has some advice for the Rays as they look to build a new ballpark: Look carefully at what the Marlins did with Marlins Park and do exactly the opposite.
• Tracy Ringolsby interviews Rangers GM Jon Daniels.
• Apparently new Los Angeles Rams quarterback Jared Goff (son of a former Expo! I guess all Expos players are "former," come to think of it.) had some mean things to say about Yasiel Puig a few years ago on Twitter. But Puig doesn't hold any grudges and offered to show Goff around LA.
• Here's a job offer you can't refuse. The Madison Mallards are looking for a radio broadcaster. Duties include calling 72 games on the radio, serving as the traveling secretary, arranging hotels and food for the team, issuing all press releases and making commercials and other sponsorship obligations. Oh, and this position is an "internship" and you won't get paid a cent for any of this. Even in the peonage of minor league baseball, this is pretty brazen.
• Does Alex Rodriguez know that when he comes to the plate that he's on television? Actually, I really hope he does, because that makes what he did with his bat a sign that he's trying to give us some extra entertainment for our dollar.
• I was actually watching this game on milb.tv when this happened as the Smokies were the road team. A Biloxi Shuckers game was delayed by a possum on the field.
• The Diamondbacks called up prospect Zac Curtis all the way from High-A Visalia. You'll have to see his face to realize how shocked he was.
• And finally, the Diamondbacks have been taking a lot of abuse for their new uniforms. So they decided to read the "Mean Tweets" about their new threads and respond.

And tomorrow will be a better day than today, Buster.