Cub Tracks Loafs Around

We get Met loaf! And a laugher to boot. And a new lefty server! Hello Mike Montgomery. Good-bye Dan Vogelbach -- it's been cool having you around. I propose every trade now involve Matt Murton.

In our previous installment, we discussed schneid remarks, Met-hate, Miller time, hints, allegations, things left unsaid, and other bullets. Since then, Chris Correa has been sentenced (as reported extensively in MLB Bullets), and we await the results of MLB's inquiry into the Cardinals' hackitude. In the meantime, we can cultivate Cardinal-hate and talk bad about them. Then, when we actually play them in August, we can destroy (yeah, why not borrow someone else's tired site-meme?).

I think the Deadbirds should be forced to play with a big letter H branded on their foreheads, now, in preparation for the big day. But then I think that Bartolo Colon should be pitching in a Speedo, for the lulz., and Ryan Braun should be fed spinach and wear goggles. But he's the only thing I actually hate about the Brewers, other than their presence in the National League and their foisting Bud Selig off on the baseball world.

On to the news...

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• Dave Cameron (Fangraphs): Let's try to solve a mystery. Riffing on part of Ken Rosenthal piece*. Michael Cerami also got in on the fun.
• Jesse Rogers (ESPN): Will the Cubs be major trade deadline players? Joe Maddon and Jed Hoyer talk upgrades. "...we're only going to make a deal that makes our product better right now," said Hoyer.
• Carrie Muskat (MLB.com): Joe Maddon: Any trade needs to be an obvious fit. "The 'fitting in' component is very big," Maddon said Tuesday.
• Patrick Mooney (CSN Chicago*): Jed Hoyer: "Expect the unexpected" at trade deadline. Classic nonanswer.
• Ryan Davis (Today's Knuckleball): Theo Epstein, Jed Hoyer like internal improvement over a blockbuster trade. Sure, but how much there is there? Brian Matusz, Joe Nathan, Trevor Cahill? Not sure that's gonna get it done.
• David Schoenfield (ESPN): Five things we learned Tuesday: The Cubs need late-inning relief help. Scoenfield disses Hector Rondon.
• Ryan Davis (Today's Knuckleball): Ranking the Cubs' biggest needs. Pitching. And then pitching.
• Tim Huwe (The Zygote50): More bullpen woes. Not enough relief. Huwe says that Tuesday's contest was "telling."
• WGN-TV: Theo Epstein address Cubs trade rumors. [VIDEO]
• Bob Nightengale (USA Today): Should the Cubs trade Kyle Schwarber in quest for World Series title? "...as badly as the Cubs covet that World Series title, it just wouldn’t feel right, they say, to have that parade without him."
• Grant Brisbee (SB Nation): Here’s why the Cubs might trade Kyle Schwarber for Andrew Miller. And here's why it's daffy for the Cubs to trade Schwarber for Miller. Brisbee cons the pros.
• Evan Altman (Cubs Insider): Cubs betting on Kyle Schwarber, not with him. "...the way we look at it is the best way to win a World Series is to get to the playoffs every year with a good team and if you can do that, you hope to have that magic October," said Hoyer on the Spiegel and Goff show.
• Patrick Mooney (CSN Chicago): As Yankees consider selling, 'no question' Cubs see Kyle Schwarber as part of their 2017 plans. Hulk stays.
• Rick Morrissey (Chicago Sun-Times): Trade Kyle Schwarber if it means a World Series for the Cubs. Gets to be devil's advocate.
• Gordon Wittenmyer (Chicago Sun-Times): Why the Cubs won't trade Kyle Schwarber at the deadline. Takes the popular position.
• Brett Taylor (Bleacher Nation): Just how bad have the Cubs been with runners in scoring position? Very bad. The BABIP gods are not pleased. RISP is risky business.
• John Smoltz says "the Cubs can be caught" on Rich Eisen's show. [VIDEO]
• Todd Johnson (Cubs Central): Seven prospects getting their names in the paper. A few more Cubs farmhands that you might want to know about.
• Jared Wyllys (Wrigleyville-Baseball Prospectus): Head Games: Donnie Dewees and "neuro-scouting". Keeping it simple.
• Mark Simon (ESPN): Kyle Hendricks one of several prospect payoffs at deadline time. It's not just the big names that make trades work. Sometimes you need to look down the road a little.
• Mark Simon (ESPN): How many ways was the New York Mets' win unlikely? Let us count. Yeah. That one got away.
  
• Carrie Muskat (MLB.com): Jason Hammel receives five free cartons of potato chips. Teammates are cashing in also.
• Josh Tolentino (Chicago Sun-Times): Why Matt Szczur is going to have to steal a starting spot. The downside of the talent glut.
• Aldo Soto (Sports Mockery): Theo Epstein trolls the Cardinals after hacker gets sent to prison. The Cardinal Way leads to the jailhouse.
• Ariel Cheung (DNAinfo): Cubs unveil plans for Premier 1914 Club at Wrigley Field. Actually, four clubs, with the last opening in 2020. Paul Sullivan and Chris Kuc of the Chicago Tribune also weigh in.
• Justin Breen (DNAinfo): For 19-year-old Chicago sports photographer, it's all about the light. Patrick Gorski captured Anthony Rizzo for Sports Illustrated, and is meeting with a great deal of success in his short career.

Food for thought:

• Paul Adams (Popular Science): Watch a German robot grill sausages to perfection. The wurst robot wouldn't look bad at Miller Park. "Heiss und fettig".
  
• Robert F. Service (Science): Scientists make single-atom memory from copper and chlorine. Surely Mr. Feynman wasn't joking.
  
• Ellen Scott (Metro.uk): Couples who get drunk together are happier together. Slightly misleading -- inebriation is actually inimical to the process. The idea is to share.