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‘Twas the night before Cub Christmas

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An annual affront to Clement Clarke Moore.

‘Twas the night before Cub Christmas, I’ve got nothing to lose
We celebrate the health of Cubs radio’s Pat Hughes.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Theo & Jed soon would be there.

The Cubs received all their World Series rings,
But then a big hangover became the thing.
A second-half run brought a playoff threepeat
But an NLCS loss wrapped the ‘17 tally sheet.

Many World Series Cubs are now gone, won’t return
For another championship, all of us yearn
After the ‘17 postseason some coaches departed
Hickey and Davis hope to get the guys started.

Then out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I ran to the ballpark to see what was the matter.
And then what should appear, as if in a dream:
A blue-and-white sleigh carrying a baseball team!

With a hair-dyed sleigh driver, so sure to gladden,
I knew right away it must be Joe Maddon.
Swifter than Quintana’s pitches the players they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now, Bryant! Now, Rizzo!
Now, Addy and Happ!
On, Zobrist! On, Willson!
On Schwarber and Javy!

Hit those balls strong!
Hit 'em over the wall!
We'll play 'em all hard
And again win it all!"

The brown leaves that fall from the ivy walls die,
When they start to grow, Hendricks’ changeup will fly.
Wrigley's lower seating bowl is all dug away,
But it will all be pretty on Opening Day.

And then, in a twinkling, I saw two intent faces
Planning, they were, on future pennant races.
And just as I went to look and was turning around,
Onto the field Jed & Theo came, with two bounds.

They were all dressed in chinos and polo shirts,
And they brought some who'll play on the Wrigley Field dirt.
A bundle of players they had flung on the roster,
In hopes that none of them would be an impostor.

"I brought you Brandon Morrow," Theo said with a smile.
“And Chatwood and Cishek, who will pitch with style."
"Here is Drew Smyly, whose left hand will throw..."
When will that happen? We do not yet know.

Will Justin Wilson ever be a good Cub?
Or will North Side fans forever give him the snub?
Maples, Jen-Ho Tseng: what will they become?
Will they turn into good pitchers? Or just two more bums?

Albert Almora’s hitting has gotten much better
Will Joe write his name on the everyday ledger?
Jon Lester homered last year — I saw it myself
Perhaps Jason Heyward’s bat will get off the shelf.

Jake Arrieta, John Lackey: free agents, both gone;
Perhaps soon Yu Darvish will have a roster position
Joe served up some drinks; making those is an art.
We’d love another title — that’d go straight to our hearts.

Joe sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
To Sloan Park in Mesa all flew like a missile.
And I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Cub Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"