Cubs holiday parody song: “I Wish That I Was Tom Ricketts”

I knew it would be tough to follow up last year’s Waddle and Silvy’s Holiday Parody Song Contest entry “Lester Always Flips It Underhand”. After all, the Cubs had just won the World Series and everyone was in a joyously seasonal mood. So this year, I wrote three parodies for the ESPN 1000 contest in the hopes that one would be good enough to make the cut.

The first tune I submitted was an irreverent ditty concerning Willson Contreras’s dalliances with a certain adult film star during his lonely stint on the DL. A parody of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” entitled “I Saw Willson DM Khalifa.” Waddle and Silvy played the tune, but I knew it was a niche story and possibly too racy for public consumption.

The next song I sent was a “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” parody called “Guess We’ll Just Wait Till Next Year.” With lyrics like “We had Lester and Hendricks and Jake Arrieta.... Rizzo and Bryant, we should have played better”, the song lacked the uplifting holiday spirit and humor of last year’s tune or the Willson song. Back to the drawing board.

The last song I sent to ESPN, “I Wish That I Was Tom Ricketts” seemed to hit all the right notes. I mean who among us doesn’t wish they were the billionaire owner of the Cubs?

At least Silvy was singing it all night!

If you want to hear all of the finalists sing their songs holiday parody songs live, tune in to ESPN 1000 tomorrow (Friday). I’m scheduled to perform around 4:30 p.m., with the winner of the Grand Prize (Bulls tickets and a steakhouse gift card) to be announced at the end of the show.

All I want for Christmas is to be Tom Ricketts!