clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

‘Twas the night before Cub Christmas

New, 22 comments

An annual affront to Clement Clarke Moore.

‘Twas the night before Cub Christmas, and here’s a good claim
There’ll soon be a new network for watching Cubs games
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Theo & Jed soon would be there.

The Cubs of ‘18 sought another World Series ring,
But the September schedule took out all their zing.
The year again brought a playoff appearance
A loss to the Rox, though, the only October instance.

Many World Series Cubs are now gone, won’t return
For another championship, all of us yearn
After the ‘18 season more coaches departed
Hottovy and Iapoce hope to get the guys started.

Then out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I ran to the ballpark to see what was the matter.
And then what should appear, as if in a dream:
A blue-and-white sleigh carrying a baseball team!

With a white-haired sleigh driver, so sure to gladden,
I knew right away it must be Joe Maddon.
Swifter than Hamels’ pitches the players they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

”Now, Bryant! Now, Rizzo!
Now, Albert and Happ!
On, Zobrist! On, Willson!
On Schwarber and Javy!

Hit that launch angle!
Hit ‘em over the wall!
We’ll play ‘em all hard
And again win it all!”

The brown leaves that fall from the ivy walls die,
When they start to grow, Hendricks’ changeup will fly.
Wrigley’s 1060 Project is nearly done in all ways,
And it will all be pretty on Opening Day.

And then, in a twinkling, I saw two intent faces
Planning, they were, on future pennant races.
And just as I went to look and was turning around,
Onto the field Jed & Theo came, with two bounds.

They were still dressed in chinos and polo shirts,
And they brought some who’ll play on the Wrigley Field dirt.
There weren’t too many new guys on the roster,
Will they create wins? That might be harder.

”I brought you Brandon Morrow,” Theo said, “last year.”
“Perhaps by early May, he will actually appear.”
”And another Brandon, Kintzler, whose right hand threw badly,”
“He’ll be better in ‘19,” said Jed, though not madly.

Javy Baez stole home, not once but twice
His MVP-type season was more than just nice
Maples, Norwood and Mekkes: what will they become?
Will they be good pitchers? Or just three more bums?

In ‘18 Carl Edwards Jr.’s shoulder was balky
Here’s hoping his ‘19 won’t be quite so walky.
David Bote’s walkoff slam — I saw it myself
Jason Heyward hit one too, put that on your shelf.

Yu Darvish was signed to a roster position
Tyler Chatwood, too, though neither could function
Joe served up some drinks — need that after those two!
Another title would help Joe stick ‘round for further ado.

Joe sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
To Sloan Park in Mesa all flew like a missile.
And I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
”Happy Cub Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”