MLB Bullets will get a hit

We’re only a week into the season and I’m already exhausted. Writing 7000 or so words on the Cubs minor league system will do that to you, I guess.

• I don’t want to turn MLB Bullets into “Shohei Ohtani Bullets,” but I do have to report that Ohtani hit his first major league home run last night in his first at-bat in Anaheim. He had two more singles in that game and was 3 for 4 in his second game as a designated hitter. His teammates also gave him the traditional “first MLB home run silent treatment” which led to one of the cuter moments of the season so far.
• David Schoenfield notes that the Ohtani hype juggernaut is going to go to 11 now, but that Ohtani had already made some adjustments as a hitter already and maybe he can pull off this two-way thing after all.
• Going back to Ohtani’s first MLB start as a pitcher, Michael Baumann writes that it was so good, it made him realize what all the fuss was about.
• Going back Twins infielder Brian Dozier whining about the Orioles bunting against the shift in a one-hitter, Josh Levin writes that Dozier has taken the debate about baseball’s “unwritten rules” to a new nadir.
• Sam Miller thinks that Dozier’s comments about the “unwritten rules” were crazy: Crazy like a fox, that is. He thinks Dozier wasn’t really concerned about “playing the game the right way” as much as he was in trying to gain an advantage for the Twins.
• Phillies manager Gabe Kapler gave an interview to MLB.com about his bullpen screwup that brought the team an official warning from MLB. Kapler isn’t quite sure what happened (or he isn’t saying), but he said that mistakes like that are always going to be the manager’s fault.
• Will Leitch breaks down Kapler’s “mistakes” and asks Phillies phans to give him a chance.
• Tyler Kepner explains how Kapler is different from every other manager the Phillies have ever had.
• Rany Jazayerli thinks the White Sox have perfected “tanking.” It’s a pretty well-argued piece about how unlike the Cubs and Astros, the White Sox started their descent with a perfectly mediocre team, rather than a bad one. He also writes about the White Sox (in his mind, somewhat rational) persecution complex from the point of view of a Royals fan who has lived in Chicago for many years.
• The Brewers beat the Cardinals last night 5-4, which isn’t remarkable. However, what is remarkable is that it is the first game in MLB history to start with back-to-back home runs and also end with back-to-back home runs.
• The Dodgers and Diamondbacks played a 15-inning game Monday night and the dramatic Arizona win is exactly why Grant Brisbee believes that MLB should never, ever, change the extra-innings rules.
• That game only went to extra innings because Dodgers closer Kenley Jansen blew a three-run lead in the ninth inning. Travis Sawchik debates whether or not the Dodgers have reason to be concerned.
• The Yankees won their home opener 11-4 over the Rays thanks to an eight RBI explosion by shortstop Didi Gregorius. Mike Axisa calls Gregorius the rare example of an underrated Yankees player. I’m actually pretty angry at Yankees GM Brian Cashman for replacing all the jerks who have played for the Yankees for decades with the collection of (mostly) pretty likeable guys that they have on the team now.
• But maybe this is how likeable players become jerks: Giancarlo Stanton went 0 for 5 with five strikeouts in that game and the fans at Yankee Stadium booed him.
• Yankees slugger Aaron Judge is off to a slow start to the season. Neil Greenberg looks at how the Blue Jays kept Judge in check with a steady diet of breaking pitches away. Greenberg notes that appears to be the new “book” on Judge.
• You know who isn’t off to a bad start? Nationals outfielder Bryce Harper. David Schoenfield even goes so far to say that Harper is off to a “$400 million start.”
• Who was the player other than Kyle Hendricks that the Cubs got from the Rangers for Ryan Dempster? That’s right, third baseman Christian Villanueva. Villanueva hit three home runs for the Padres last night.
• Speaking of three home runs, for the first 38 innings of the Giants season this year, they scored just three runs. All three were solo home runs by Joe Panik. The funny thing is, the Giants won two of those games 1-0.
• Cardinals outfielder Tommy Pham finally established himself in the major leagues last season at age 29. In a brutally frank article by Jack Dickey, Pham sounds off about his journey to the major leagues and he’s not very complimentary towards the Cardinals organization whom he feels never gave him a chance until they had little other choice last season.
• The Blue Jays are the oldest team in the major leagues and the Phillies are the youngest this season.
• Jay Jaffe explains why several computer projections believe the Blue Jays could compete for a Wild Card spot this season.
• Jon Tayler ranks every major league team by how “watchable” they are.
• Michael Clair has the best current player in baseball by every uniform number.
• Jeff Sullivan notes that the early trend is that hitters are hitting even more fly balls this season than ever, continuing a trend over the past five seasons.
• Jeff Passan rips apart the arguments of people who have been complaining about the extended netting this season.
• Shortstop Stephen Drew has retired.
• The first fielding porn of the season is Jackie Bradley Jr. diving catch to rob Justin Bour of a hit.
• The Royals have signed outfielder Tarik El-Abour out of the independent leagues. El-Abour isn’t much of a prospect, but he’s remarkable because he is the first autistic player to sign with a major league team. I should correct that to say the first person diagnosed with autism to sign with a major league team. I have little doubt that there were several major league players with autism in the early days of the game, we just had no idea what it was back then. But good for El-Abour and good for the Royals.
• Chris Cwik found Branch Rickey’s 1955 scouting report on Roberto Clemente.
• Dodgers second baseman Chase Utley in one hit-by-pitch short of 200 for his career, so mlb.com made up an infographic that shows you everywhere Utley has been hit. They’ll be making one of these for Anthony Rizzo one day.
• With the Phillies/Mets game snowed out on Monday, Phillies reliever and noted baseball card collector Pat Neshek took the time to open some packs. In them, he got a rare, signed Shohei Ohtani card. Not only was it rare, it was marked as number 1 of a series of 69. I know that Neshek will appreciate the card, but why couldn’t that card go to a guy who doesn’t have an easy way to get Ohtani’s autograph through other means? Still cool though.
• And finally, Cardinals outfielder (and it still hurts a little to write that) Dexter Fowler got off to a bad start to the season. So he put a new mantra on Twitter where he wrote “I will get a hit” many, many times. And it worked as Fowler got a hit, so several other slumping players tried the same thing. And Dex, as one of the heroes of 2016, I can never stay mad at you no matter how long you play in St. Louis.

And tomorrow will be a better day than today, Buster.