Cub Tracks puts on the dog

“Well, I’d have to say that the Pirates are better than their record, too,” said Nony Ross Brandon Palmer, chewing his nails. “They almost capsized our boat there. We were almost dead in the water. But Long John Jeffress left them without a leg to stand on, in the end.”

Loud noises could be heard coming from the players’ room, and lots of laughter. It was hard to hear over the groans, though.

“I think Jeremy just got his gift,” said Palmer. “You know, I believe in letting the players police themselves. So we’ve set up a court system, like we old-timers used to have. Players have to appear before a judge and a jury of their peers, and sometimes we hand down sentences. In this case, Jeremy Jeffress was sentenced to carry the weight of his shame.”

“We heard about the gopher balls,” volunteered one wag with ink-stained fingers. “That joke should get those guys arrested.” The players were filing out of their room to face the scribes and cameras.

“It’s a fair cop,” said Ian Happ. “Bur society is to blame.”

“Hey Jeremy,” Palmer called. “Show us your prize.”

Jeremy Jeffress revealed a disreputable-looking stuffed bird, with dusty brown feathers, a snowy mane, and a bald head.

“Oh no! I know this one,” said the same wit, who looked strangely familiar. “That’s the Phil Regan special.”

Jeffress smiled. “Yes. It was Craig’s save, after he and Brad worked so hard for it. But I gobbled it up instead. It’s a turkey buzzard, you know.” And he stalked off to replace the bird in his locker.

Jason Heyward walked by, with his white wig still on.

Winning feels good. Here’s some highlights:

Today the Cubs face the Pirates in the second game of the series. Mitch Keller (0-3, 6.75), who the Cubs victimized in Pittsburgh, will start against Tyler Chatwood (1-0, 3.12), who has pitched well for the north-siders.

Al will have more information about that in the game post at 2:30 p.m. CT, for our 3 p.m. start. I’ll drop the specific URL to the contest in the game thread, but you can lurk at the BCB Media Center and catch it there as well. All past games and highlights reels are available there too, if you want the full #simCubs experience.

And now, here’s Cub Tracks News and Notes, the only links column that really matters. As always, * means autoplay on, or annoying ads, or both (directions to remove for Firefox and Chrome). {$} means paywall. {$} means limited views. Italics are often used here as sarcasm font.

Bob Ibach, who was media relations director for the Cubs in the 1980s, will be on WSCR Tuesday night (tonight) beginning at 12 midnight CT to discuss the anniversary of Lee Elia’s famous tirade in 1983 and will reveal some inside things that most fans do not know about what happened behind the scenes that evening at Wrigley Field.

Wednesday, we’ll have more coverage of that event in Baseball history unpacked.

• Vinnie Duber (NBC Sports Chicago*): Mayor Lightfoot: Chicago baseball return ‘a ways away,’ but possible in summer. “But can I envision a world where baseball might return to Chicago this summer? Yes. Is it likely to be without fans? Probably.” Mark Gonzales tackles this. Evan Altman wrestles with it. Fran Spielman has words.
• Ken Rosenthal (The Athletic {$}): ‘Don’t trip on the way in’: Vivid memories from the last 10 pitchers to finish a World Series. “One day during spring training, Mike Montgomery called a car dealership for an appointment to get his car serviced. The attendant asked if he was the guy who had thrown the last pitch of the ’16 Series.”
• Matt Snyder (CBS Sports*): MLB Power Rankings: Picking baseball’s best infields as Astros and Cubs battle for top spot. “The 2-4 teams here have studs at first, short and third with question marks at second base.”
• Tim Stebbins (NBC Sports Chicago*): David Ross pranked on ESPN by Rick Sutcliffe during mid-broadcast restroom break. “When you gotta go, you gotta go.”
• Tim Stebbins (NBC Sports Chicago*): Kyle Schwarber recalls 2016 Cubs return: ‘That’s something I’ll never forget’. “Schwarber returned in Game 1 of the Fall Classic and hit .412 (7-for-17) in five games.”
• Michael Cerami (Bleacher Nation): Notable side conversation: The Cubs are projected for the highest luxury tax payroll in 2021. “... since there is not baseball to discuss at the moment, I think it’s worth checking back in on these issues.”
• Paul Sullivan (Chicago Tribune* {$}): Unlike ‘The Last Dance,’ the home movies of the 2003 Cubs’ historic season might never be released. “The producer/director/owner of those videos (Eric Karros) has them locked away and once told me they wouldn’t be released until he’s deceased.”
• Mike Petriello (MLB.com*): The all-time milestone the Cubs are ready to hit. “... the Cubs have scored ... 99,246 regular-season runs.”
• Cubs birthdays: Walt Woods, Luis Quinones, John Gaub. Also notable: Barry Larkin HOF.

Food for thought:

Thanks for reading! Let’s be safe out there!