Royals 13, Cubs 2: Do-it-yourself recap

The Royals scored 1 run. 2 runs. 8 runs. 10 runs. 13 runs. 100 runs. eleventy-billion runs. Seemed like that many, right?

The Cubs scored 0 runs. 0 runs. 0 runs. 0 runs. 0 runs. 2 runs. a couple of consolation runs. Were you still even watching then?
The Cubs' runs were driven in by Nico Hoerner. Victor Caratini. Both of the above! Joe Mather. No, not Joe Mather.

Tyler Chatwood had two great starts coming into this game, but this time, not so much. He allowed more runs than (a) in his last game (b) in any game he pitched last year (c) in any game since he's been a Cub (d) in any game since 2017 (The answer is 'c')(d) all of the above(The answer is 'd') (The answer is both 'c' AND 'd') .

The Cubs bullpen kept the game close now come on, that can't happen in 2020 allowed a bunch more runs and homers now you're getting the picture . It didn't really matter because they couldn't get to within 10 runs now come on, that's not true oh, wait. Yes, it is true. . This was the Cubs' most lopsided defeat since 2019 2014 2000 Surprisingly, it's... July 1, 2019, 18-5 to the Pirates. . The good news (maybe!) is that the Cubs won eight of their next 12 after that loss.

After Chatwood, the Cubs pitchers who finished the game kept giving up runs. More and more runs. They all gave up runs, except for... Ryan Tepera Carl Edwards Jr. Pedro Strop Lee Smith Bruce Sutter You only wish it had been Bruce Sutter.

Craig Kimbrel got an inning in garbage time and wasn't awful! His ERA went down! No, I'm not making that up! It went from 32.40 to... 23.63 and... Someone actually swung at one of his curveballs!

The Cubs' record is now a) 59-1. b) 10-3 If you picked (b), you're right.
But that doesn't matter, because a) it's early. b) it's early. c) it's early. (Hint: the answer is above.)

Friday night in St. Louis, the Cubs will face the Cardinals, at 7:15 p.m. CT. lose to the Royals again. (You didn't really pick the second option here, did you?)

In that game, the Cubs will send Jon Lester to the mound to face Daniel Ponce de Leon, and Lester will... ... win the game against the Cardinals ... by throwing a shutout. ... or maybe a no-hitter. (OK, so maybe I'm dreaming.)

Saturday's game will be televised on a) Marquee Sports Network. b) Marquee Sports Network. c) Marquee Sports Network. d) Marquee Sports Network. e) Marquee Sports Network. f) Marquee Sports Network. You're not actually thinking there will be another choice here, are you?

Manager David Ross' comments after Friday's game included: "Look, what do you want me to do?" (Whoops, sorry. That one's left over from five managers ago.) "You know, some balls found holes, and they took advantage of the mistakes he made. That's just baseball." Yes, that's what Ross actually said.