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‘Twas the night before MLB lockout

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It’s apparently unavoidable now, but here’s something you will hopefully chuckle at.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images

Baseball is heading for the ninth work stoppage in its long history. Barring some sort of miracle settlement — or delay — an owners’ lockout will begin at 10:59 p.m. CT (11:59 p.m. ET, officially, per the CBA) tonight, and last until... who knows? And make no mistake, this is being provoked by owners who... just got finished spending about half a billion dollars to various players. Don’t cry poor now, team owners.

With the thought of lightening up the atmosphere surrounding all this, I present the following to you. It was written by Mike Carlucci, a staff writer at SB Nation’s Red Sox site Over The Monster. So — give all your praise to Mike, this is very well written.

‘Twas the night before lockout and all at the table
Were signing free agents with much haste, if able
The agents were drafting contact terms with riders for feats
The players on their phones, checking @JeffPassan tweets
Forget the new CBA and the likely provisions
Tonight is a night to just make decisions!

Scott Boras and his puns, his Connery comp
Provided the circumstance for all of this pomp!
The Rangers in Texas are buying a ranch
With Corey, Marcus, and John they might stand a chance!

Don’t forget about the Mets
No, they didn’t trade for Betts
They looked at the facts
And made a big, big offer to Max!

But what of decisions? What rules are coming?
The Universal DH? Why, that would be stunning!
The ghost man is gone, perished for good
Rob Manfred could have more horrors under his hood

Like expanded playoffs! Now 14 teams
Being under .500 now isn’t extreme
The regular season, who cares, it’s all about playoffs
162 games don’t lead to big payoffs

A salary floor — no, a ceiling
Why not both? What a feeling!
As blackouts extend the fans will obsess
The owners say: “They’ll pay anything to watch this mess!”

O Red Sox, O Yankees, O Dodgers — big spenders
Are your silences a sign of what these negotiations will render?
Trevor Story is out there, still no heir for Jeter
Stroman too, have you checked out his heater?

The Angels are wasting the summer again
After Trout and Ohtani their star power is thin
Do they not see the Padres? Can’t they develop
A couple of pitchers for success to envelop?

As the clock struck a sound, 12 times not three
Manfred and the owners departed with glee
They’d signed all the stars and left the rest antsy
Will there be a 2022 season? Let’s all take a chance, eh.