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‘Twas the night before Cub Christmas

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An annual affront to Clement Clarke Moore.

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‘Twas the night before Cub Christmas, and in 2021
The Cubs did many things — winning was not one.
The team’s and league’s future are now up in the air,
Good ol’ Jed Hoyer, though — he is still there.

The ‘21 Cubs began the year in the cold
Not just the weather, either: Jake Arrieta got old.
A few wins early on put the team in first place
Could they win the division with no pitching ace?

One May day in Pittsburgh, the one called “El Mago”
Hit a ball to third base, then went backwards. Out? No!
Javy Báez ran the bases that day with absolute flair
Made JD yell “You gotta be kidding me!” on the air.

Cubs hurler Kyle Hendricks, of great consistency
Kept giving up home runs, how horrid to see
Some began to wonder of the one called The Professor
Would the Cubs need to start looking for a successor?

So it sure was a surprise when one night in June
Four Cubs pitchers put all their efforts in tune
And threw a no-hitter, against L.A., no less
Davies, Tepera, Chafin, Kimbrel did this great success

After that, on the field the Cubs’ luck did shatter,
Up in Milwaukee there was something the matter.
A seven-run lead in the first. Was it a dream?
Fifteen runs later, a loss to the Brewers team.

Then more losses, and losses, and losses still more
Eleven in all. Jed opened up the trade store!
Joc Pederson was first, dealt off to the Braves
Three months later he’s wearing pearls on the airwaves

He wasn’t the only one sent away, heavens no
Jed was determined to give almost all the heave-ho
And so from the front office on July 30
We heard the words some fans thought were dirty:

“You’re traded, Kris Bryant! And you too, Rizzo!
Say goodbye to Marisnick, and The Sheriff also!
Kimbrel to the South Side, and Tepera too!
Javy — off to New York, take Trevor Williams with you!”

The dust had just settled after the deadline of trades
Just who did poor Grandpa Rossy have left for aides?
A few guys ol’ Jed had picked up on waivers
It didn’t seem likely they’d be the Cubs’ saviors.

And at first that prophesy appeared to be true
More and more losses, losses through and through
Eleven straight defeats from the guys who’d been traded
By mid-August that mark, to 12, was updated.

But then, just then! A new hero emerged
Frank Schwindel, for years in the minors submerged
Started hitting some homers, his big bat did crank
Living up to his nickname of “Frank The Tank.”

A few other new Cubs produced good outcomes
Wisdom’s 28 homers, a team rookie mark — not a bum!
Rafael Ortega hit three home runs in one game
You did not predict he would accomplish such fame

At one point the new guys won seven in a row
Led again by The Tank, whose baserunning showed
The way to one win, and then a ball hit by Ian Happ
Helped the Cubs to another, from a Pirates mishap.

As the ballclub slogged on through the year’s final week
Injuries and COVID made additions to the Cubs clique
There were players added to the club every day, it seemed
Here are some late season guys who were new to the team.

There were Erick Castillo and Trent Giambrone.
Among the record 69 Cubs: Thompson and Biagini.
Two Tylers, Payne and Ladendorf, added in September
A year or two from now, you will not remember.

A few more ‘21 Cubs names, please take note of them:
The Romine brothers and Jake Jewell (not a gem),
Fargas and Gushue and good ol’ Pedro Strop —
Strop was a Cub this year? Yes, and that is no joke.

Fans began to return to Wrigley throughout the summer
Even though the whole season turned out a bummer.
Five years have passed since the World Series win
(“Better than 108,” I thought with a grin.)

Then a lockout came courtesy of Rob Manfred
So for now, the winter transactions are dead
Marcus Stroman got signed just before the deadline
That signing by Jed should turn out just fine.

So we enter ‘22 with baseball uncertainty,
They’ll gather in Mesa in March, hopefully.
David Ross and the guys will put up the good fight.
Happy Cub Christmas to all, and to all a good night!