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Cub Tracks’ undiminished returnees

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A reader’s digest of #Cubs, #MiLB, and #MLB news. Break up the Brobdingnagians!

Patrick Gorski-USA TODAY Sports

Here at CUB TRACKS NEWS AND NOTES™, we have news for you. The San Francisco Giants made swift work of the Chicago Cubs, and I advance the modest proposal that they be arrested by the most humane means necessary. They seemingly scored like clockwork against the NooCubs, who seemed directionless.

Tommy La Stella made the Cubs look like Lilliputians (again) — one for letting him go so unceremoniously, and two, for daring to throw him pitches over the plate.

The whole game gave me a pain in the gulliver, my droogies. It was an absolute horrorshow. We’ve seen a few of these games this year, though not so recently. The NooCubs have had a nice little run, and the Giants have the look of a team that will go far in the playoffs.

Manny Rodriguez and Zach Davies raised their ERAs plenty. The Cubs did not homer. I viddied the whole thing and feel like I should get some appy polly loggies. So should you, if you recognized that this is about Malcolm in the Middle, or if you paid to see this stuff.

Sorry, Frankie Muniz. I’m gonna need some Asti Spumante after that. As always, * means autoplay on, or annoying ads, or both (directions to remove for Firefox and Chrome). {$} means paywall. {$} means limited views. Italics are often used on this page as sarcasm font. (In the comments section, use @ before and after your remarks @ to produce sarcasm font. In the text body. It doesn’t work in the headlines.)

On Jason Heyward: “That’s a tough collision,” Cubs bench coach and acting manager Andy Green said after the game. “That’s two strong guys running into each other pretty hard there. He took a knee to the head at some spot — I’m not exactly sure exactly where. He definitely got his bell rung. He’s definitely going to be watched closely over the next 24 hours and kind of find out where he’s at. I don’t think there’s a formal diagnosis at this point in time.”

Food for Thought: