Brewers 9, Cubs 1: Do-it-yourself recap

About that score:

The Brewers scored 1 run. 2 runs. 8 runs. 9 runs. 13 runs. 100 runs. eleventy-billion runs. Seemed like that many, right?

The Cubs scored 0 runs. 0 runs. 0 runs. 0 runs. 0 runs. 1 runs. 10 runs. (No, not 10. You can see the one run below.)
The Cubs' run was driven in by Yan Gomes. Yan Gomes. Yan Gomes. Javier Báez. No, he's not on the team anymore. Joe Mather. No, not Joe Mather.

Justin Steele was the Cubs starter and he was victimized, as have so many Cubs starters lately, by bad defense early. Errors were made by (a) Patrick Wisdom (b) himself (c) Michael Hermosillo (d) Neifi Perez (e) If you answered (d), shame on you The answer is (a) and (c) .

The Cubs bullpen got good work from Scott Effross and then got bad work from: Michael Rucker and Locke St. John. Seriously, "Locke St. John" is something you should never do. It didn't really matter because after the Cubs got to within two runs, the Brewers hit more home runs hit more home runs hit more home runs hit more home runs Okay, I'll stop now. .

This was the Cubs' most lopsided defeat since Friday Friday Friday . Hopefully, I will not have to repeat that again today. Before this series began, the Cubs' run differential was (a) +100 (b) +30 (c) +16 the answer is (c). Now their run differential is -2.

Cubs batters who got hits in this game were Yan Gomes. Ian Happ. Willson Contreras. Willson Contreras. Patrick Wisdom. Patrick Wisdom. I listed Contreras and Wisdom twice because they had two hits each and I wanted to make it seem like there were more guys with hits.

With runners in scoring position, the Cubs had no hits one hit two hits four hits. (You know the answer without looking it up, right?)

The Cubs' record is now a) 13-8. b) 8-13. c) 8-130. It only seems like 130 losses. If you picked (b), you're right.
But that doesn't matter, because a) it's early. b) it's early. c) it's early. (Hint: It's getting not-so-early.)

Sunday afternoon in Milwaukee, the Cubs will lose to the Brewers again. lose to the Brewers again. defeat the Brewers. Well, I DID give you the choice of the Cubs winning.Game time is 1:10 p.m. CT.

In that game, the Cubs will send Marcus Stroman to the mound to face Corbin Burnes, and Marcus will... ... win the game against the Brewers ... by throwing a shutout. ... or maybe a no-hitter. (OK, so I'm dreaming.)

Sunday's game will be televised on a) Marquee Sports Network. b) Marquee Sports Network. c) Marquee Sports Network. d) Marquee Sports Network. e) Marquee Sports Network. f) Marquee Sports Network. You don't think there's another choice here, are you?

Manager David Ross' comments after Sunday's game included: a) "Look, what do you want me to do?" b) (Whoops, sorry. That one's left over from five managers ago.) c) "One thing we gotta do, we gotta play better defense." Yes, (c) is what Ross actually said.