Mets 8, Cubs 0: This space intentionally left blank

Since this game was pretty much over as soon as the Mets scored three runs in the second inning, I started thinking about ways I could recap it. And one of those ways was doing a one-liner: “The Mets defeated the Cubs 8-0,” as I had threatened to do during the team’s 10-game losing streak last month.

Ultimately, I decided against that (though, seriously, that might be coming if this current seven-game losing streak continues). That would have been headlined “This game doesn’t deserve a recap,” which... well, I’m saving that one, too.

Then I went to this site, which says “Type some text here and a neural network will generate more.”

I typed: “The Cubs lost to the Mets 8-0. Carlos Carrasco pitched well for the Mets. Keegan Thompson couldn’t find the strike zone.”

The site continued:

Heck, Johnson even lost to the Kansas City Royals 4-3 last year.

That’s why Johnson needs to go.

There’s no need to rehash his awful World Series performance. It’s not as if he’s ever finished much.

Well, that wasn’t helpful. I put the same text through it a second time and got this:

Oh well. I tried.

2. Erwin Santana

Photos of the Cubs and the moments that made them World Series champions.

Oh my gosh, can we please get some of these Cleveland starters on my beloved Cubs?!

Nope, still not too useful.

Next, I went and looked up every single game the Cubs have ever lost 8-0 at Wrigley Field. There are 17 of them, dating back to 1927. Most of them were in pretty bad years for the Cubs, though they did have an 8-0 loss to the Dodgers in a playoff season, 1984. The honor of defeating the Cubs the most times by an 8-0 score goes to the Cardinals, who have done it four times, just ahead of the Pirates and Reds, three each.

Those are things I thought you might rather read than a recap of this game. They were certainly more fun for me to write, anyway.

“Keegan Thompson couldn’t find the strike zone” is about the most accurate summary of this game I can write; he walked four and hit a batter, including walking the bases loaded in the fifth before David Ross finally had mercy on him and lifted him after 92 pitches, only 50 of which were strikes. Somehow, Mark Leiter Jr. got out of that inning without allowing any more runs, though it was already 5-0 at that point and the Cubs weren’t going to score five runs in this game if you spotted them six outs in every inning.

Leiter eventually served up a couple of home runs and put the game completely out of reach. Daniel Norris, who threw 32 pitches Wednesday, threw a 1-2-3 ninth, though honestly I would rather have seen the just-activated Frank Schwindel pitch. At least that would have been entertaining.

There were two positive things I can think of from this game:

• Nico Hoerner extended his hitting streak to seven games by going 2-for-3.
• Seiya Suzuki also had two hits, though neither one of them left the infield.

The Cubs managed to load the bases in the bottom of the ninth on three singles, but Yan Gomes hit into a force play to end it.

There is literally one Cubs video highlight available from this game, so I will show it to you. Thompson got Pete Alonso to ground into an inning-ending double play in the fifth with the bases loaded [VIDEO].

Mainly, I just did that to break up what otherwise would have been a wall of text. Also, David Ross got himself tossed arguing for a balk call in the fourth inning (scroll to about :55 in this video).

That’s about all I’ve got. It wasn’t the most pathetic Cubs game of the year, but it’s definitely near the top of the list. It was the 18th time the Cubs have scored one or fewer runs this year; their record in such games is 1-17 (they defeated the Braves 1-0 June 17).

Oh, one more thing: Former Cub Trevor Williams threw the last three innings and thus qualified for a save, the first of his MLB career.

The Cubs and Mets will try it again Friday afternoon — weather permitting. Marcus Stroman is the Cubs’ scheduled starter and Taijuan Walker will go for the Mets. Scheduled game time is 1:20 p.m. CT and TV coverage will be via Marquee Sports Network (and also on MLB Network outside the Cubs and Mets market territories).